Fear: You have a choice

For those of you just joining us, this is the first post that I have wrote that builds off a previous post. The last post we took a look at fear and broke it down…so you will want to jump down and read that one first. 

In this post I want to take a look at fear again, but bringing to light a few things, the first being, when it comes to fear—we have a choice. 

Now some of you may read that and think what? How on earth do you have a choice when it comes to fear? I didn’t know, or didn’t realize that either, until I listened to the talk Tough AsNails by Andy Stanley, the lead Pastor of North Point community Church. I would encourage you to listen to the 3 part series, he does a much better job at accurately articulating this, but I’m going to do my best in relaying what I learned through it. 

As people who follow Jesus, we are following a man’s example and striving to be just like him. That is the goal as followers of Jesus. It is important to know that Jesus, came to earth in human form. He had all the same feelings, emotions, trials, temptations as us, yet he did not sin. Jesus is the founder and the author of our faith and this man was extraordinarily bold! He was so brave. Jesus was betrayed by one of his closest friends, he was wrongly accused, he was flogged, and on top of all of that he WILLINGLY walked to the cross. For me, for you, for all of humanity—so that, we could have a way to be in eternity with God. A sacrifice had to be made and he, in his perfection, was that sacrifice. 

I’m sorry but that is a man who is braver that brave, and stronger than strong, and he more than proved that fear is optional. Can you put yourself in his shoes just for a minute…just because he was God in human form, does not mean that he didn’t feel the same things we would be feeling….heartbreak because one of his closest friends turned their back on Him (Matthew 26:31-35).  He was in anguish over what was to come as he had to face the cross (Matthew 26:36-39). He was beaten, flogged, a crown of thorns was placed on his head (Matthew 27: 27-31), and don’t think for one moment he didn’t feel the physical pain of it all. Yet, he still willingly laid down his life as a sacrifice. Was he afraid? I’m sure he was! 

From time to time you are going to have to say NO to yourself and your mind and YES to Jesus. There are going to be times when you have to actively deny yourself and what you are feeling in order to follow Jesus. Same goes with the feeling of fear—do not be afraid of that which can kill your body, but cannot kill your soul. This is a direct quote from Andy Stanley, “Uncertainty is unavoidable, but fear is optional.” Uncertainty is unavoidable, but fear is optional. There are times when fear is going to overwhelm us so much that it cripples us, but remember that if you are a Follower of Christ, you do not submit to fear, you submit to God. In these moments when fear is taking over and the walls are starting to close in on you, you have a choice. You can choose to submit yourself to the fear and allow it to take over and control you, OR you can choose to respond to Jesus’ authority. 

Hebrews 11:1-2 says, “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for.”

Faith is the confidence in what we hope for, and assurance of what we do not see….that is why all of the people we read about in the Bible, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Peter, Paul all gave their lives to the mission of spreading the gospel! He believed what God said, because they had confidence in what they hope for, and they had assurance of what they didn’t see. Were there times they were filled with fear? Oh! I guarantee it! But they didn’t love their lives so much that they shrunk from death (Rev. 12:11). They faced it head on, they stood up to it, they pressed on, and they made a choice to respond to God and his authority rather than submit to their fears. They were looking forward and they were faithful…often times we look back at things and that is what makes us fearful. 

You guys, us in this generation, should be the least fearful!! We should be the MOST confident and humble, we should be the ones that are standing shouting loudly, not submitting to the fear of “what if.” 

Hebrews 12:1-3 says, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders (fear), and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer, and perfecter of our faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” 

Consider him…who endured such opposition…because Jesus died and rose again…because he lives….we can be bold, brave, fearless, compassionate, selfless….when you no longer dread fear you become---FEARLESS! 

Jesus is our example of that and he made a choice to crush fear. He made a choice to stand firm in what he knew. Same with Paul, Peter, Timothy….in the New Testament they fixed their eyes on Jesus and they advanced the gospel with confidence. 

Guys this is our time here, right now, this is our chance to take a stand and be brave like our examples we read about. We are the stewards of our faith and it continues on with our generation, because we recognize, fear is an option! We are to consider our examples and not grow weary and loose heart, to not allow the temptation to submit to fear control us. We have to make the choice. 

Uncertainty is unavoidable, but fear is optional!

I want to wrap up with a quote by Beth Moore, "That means if you have trusted Christ as your Savior, darkness can not force you to stay. It can only harass you into believing that you belong there. You don't!"

A Remix

It is June. Not quite sure how I got here, but hey I am here in the 7^th day already. Quite a few things have happened since I last posted…a quick update….the trip to Nepal was…eye opening. :) And had some great moments too…really glad I had the chance to go. Also, my Mother finally got moved to Virginia! She has bought a house already and we move her in Wednesday! So thankful to have her here.

 

The latest and hardest thing for me right now is, my dear friend has moved. We have been doing ministry together for the past 8 years, and she finally moved away yesterday, to be near family. It has been a hard thing for me to just release her and be ok with all the change that has happened and I found myself really struggling with sadness yesterday.

That is why this next part I am going to tell you is SO cool, because my God is ridiculously amazing and is in ALL the details and He shows me all the time that He is!! I just have to share this with you!

 

So…my friend and I started the Beth Moore study; Children of the Day. It’s the study on 1 & 2 Thessalonians. We have talked about doing it for quite some time, but we just now have gotten around to starting it.

So we started watching the 1^st video today…and Beth has to set up the whole context on how we find Paul, Silas, and Timothy in Thessalonians, so she goes back to the very beginning on how they all met in Acts.

 

So she is referencing, how Paul and Barnabas were together and were inseparable and did ministry together and were just very very close…Acts 15:36-16:5….in acts 15:39-41 she is elaborating on how they had a huge disagreement so much so that it separated the two of them. (Sad huh?) And it says that barnabas sailed off with John Mark (who is his cousin), and Paul went off with Silas…(and then later she talks about in Acts 16 how Timothy came into the picture)…..but this is where I want to stop; with the Paul and Barnabas situation….Beth started talking about how sometimes in ministry we have disagreements and they split us up, split church up, split marriages up….but sometimes it is not this big blow up, maybe it is a friend moving away…..!!! She literally said that!! Maybe it’s a friend moving away!!! Here come the water works! I instantly start crying. She said, sometimes we are so upset by an unwelcomed situation (for me, my friend moving), that we NEVER EMBRACE THE NEW ONE. *cry fest* 

 

Then she keeps on saying that because of the situation with Paul & Barnabas and their parting, it allowed the Holy Spirit to birth something brand new…She was saying you don’t know, but maybe the next person you meet because of this parting could become one of the dearest people in our lives. She said that this open wound Paul had wasn’t filled back up with one person, it was filled by two men (Silas & Timothy)…and that sometimes God mixes things up for us & makes things happen on PURPOSE because the renewal we need to keep going deeper is in the “remix.” (She was calling this change up, or this unwelcomed situation a “remix” haha)

 

She said we are not meant to stay the same, and God allows these situations for a reason…..and if we stay where we are he can’t get us to the place he needs us to go…She also said, if you are in this season of change, you are on the next path God has for you in this remix……I could not stop the tears. She even said, you can be angry in the unwelcomed situation or you can embrace it; open up your heart to it and live boldly in it….and yesterday I was just getting mad. I didn’t want my friend to move, I don’t want change. I don’t want to have to open up to different people….I want it to stay the same. Crying crying crying….one big ball of emotions am I.  

 

Then she went on to say the kicker, “God will put us to flight, if we let Him.”

And I knew this was specifically for me---sure this stinks….bad. I don’t want this; I want to be with my ministry partner. I want to remain the same and not have to get out there and open up more to other people. To have to be vulnerable and have to relearn someone’s personality & build trust again…..That does NOT sound fun, but to NOT embrace this new season I am in would be robbing God of moving in my life. It is also going to rob me of some of the richest women to women relationships, if I don’t embrace it. 

 

I think I was supposed to hear this message so that I would let the past go…and to look forward. Not forgetting the past, but to EMBRACE the new season…..as much as I want to dig my heels in and say no!! I need my friend! It was so clearly God speaking to me this morning…just even the timing of starting the study, and the words she was saying….the situation I find myself in, is sad….but it’s not forever and I know I will always remain in contact with my friend, but I just felt like it was God saying all this so specifically to me. It was as if He was saying, “Ok Janna, its time….let me put you to flight”…..and I couldn’t stop crying. And still am crying.

 

So where ever you find yourself, whatever situation you are in….this is your time, our time to take flight…to take what we have learned over the years & start giving back. To be BRAVE and to be BOLD in where God has you and harness it for his Kingdom. He will put us to flight…if we let Him. 

xoxo

 

Let the Adventure Begin!

Today is the day! 

It has been 12 years since my church has been going over to Nepal to visit and support the Tibetan Trust Home. The Tibetan Trust Home is one of our strongest global mission partnerships, and is a residential or boarding school for underprivileged Tibetan kids in the Pokhara area, supported by donations. My husband has gone over a lot in these past 12 years, and over that time he has asked me to come quite a few times….my answer always resulting in “no, not this time”. My no was for whatever reason…the girls were small or didn’t work out with my vacation time and what we had planned that year, on and on I just have never went. There is the other part too that my heart beats deeply for Africa. I love that country; I love the culture, and the people. So if I were to jump at an opportunity to go on a trip it would be to Africa, not Nepal.  

So here we are today and in just a few short hours we will begin the 2 to 3 day trek to Nepal! There were several motivators for me to say yes to go this time when he asked. One being our girls aren’t infants anymore and are at an age where they don’t need so much one on one care. Another reason was I had enough vacation time as this year I moved up to 3 weeks’ vacation! Another reason was on this trip we get to celebrate 20 years of the Trust Home being in open. And then the last was, if Jeremy was going to get me to Nepal he knew another key motivator would be to go with friends! There are several of our closest friends going on this specific trip, so that is when all of that combined I said yes. 

There are so many emotions that have come these past few weeks leading up to this trip, and the culmination of it all was last night my oldest daughter saying please don’t go as she is crying in my lap. Ok just go ahead and RIP my HEART straight OUT!! Ugh. Needless to say, it was a weep fest.

Despite all the tears, I am excited. I was driving in to work today, praying, and I’m just excited to see God in a whole new context. On the other side of the world, to watch Him be moving & not confined by my little world I try to keep him boxed into. I’m also excited to see the Trust Home in person, to get to meet Argon, and the kids we support. To be able to see the majesty that is the Himalayas!  Cannot wait for that part!

So my prayer for this trip is that I am present. That I’m not so focused on missing home and the girls that I miss what God has in store for me there. After 12 years of not going, there is a reason I am going on this trip specifically so I don’t want to miss a thing!

Here we goooooooooo!

 

Brainstorm with me

Go with me here today….this isn’t going to be like any of my other posts. Think of it as a lets brain storm together post. Recently I was asked a question on what types of things would you want to see at a leadership retreat for women. I got thinking for a while and the first thing is…I would not want it to be a waste of my time (or any of the womens time). Time is valuable and we are stretched in so many directions the last thing I would want for me or for any other woman is for it to be a waste of their time. I would want it to have a vision and a purpose and want us to take away some practical things. You see, I’ve never been a normal ‘woman’s’ leader…I just have never really bought into the retreats that are weep fests and just bare your soul as you cry over chocolate. That’s just not me. I want to dig in deep to the word. I want to talk about things that are going to propel me forward as a leader.  So as I was thinking I wanted to define the word:

Definition of retreat

1. an act of going back or away especially from something dangerous, difficult, or disagreeable <The enemy is in retreat.>

2. a military signal for turning away from the enemy <He sounded the retreat.>

3. a place of privacy or safety <a mountain retreat>

4. a period of time in which a person goes away to pray, think quietly, or study

 

Now obviously we are talking about numbers 3 & 4. 

And another way to put it is: A quiet or secluded place in which one can rest and relax. A period of seclusion for the purposes of prayer and meditation.

 

So as I am thinking of leadership and that specific role I think about….as a leader you need to take time and regroup, recoup, to rest and relax. The leaders I think about run so hard that they don’t take much time to stop and rest. They are just on the go and they start to run on empty because they are pouring out so much to others. Taking time to retreat and rest, to relax, pray and meditate. Get fueled back up…that is the main point of what I would want a retreat to be. 

The other word that comes to mind is: Equip

Definition of equip

1. to provide (someone) with necessary materials or supplies

2. to provide (something) with a particular feature or ability

3. to prepare (someone) for a particular activity or problem

 

I just love the definition of this word because what better description of the word do you need…its to provide someone with necessary material or supplies. To provide a particular feature or ability, and then to prepare for a particular activity or problem. And isn’t that the whole point of what a “retreat” for leaders should be? We want them to rest and retreat, but also we want to prepare them for being a leader! I just loved these two words and they totally resonated with me. 

Going back to the original question: What types of things would you want to see at a leadership retreat for women? And keeping in mind the definition of retreat and equip I would like to see some main speakers talk about…here are just some options that I think would be vital to equipping leaders: 

• Taking a look at one of the letters Paul wrote specifically to leaders and breaking it down. Giving practical and useful tools on how to continue on in the faith. 

• Run and not grow weary. Talk about the struggles we face as women leaders and how to run and not grow weary. With that too, touch on running your own race. Not running the person on your right or lefts race, but staying in the lane that God has for you and you alone. How to navigate that challenge of comparison as a woman leader. 

• How to be armed for the battle. Teach on how to lead people well especially when leadership and the position you are in becomes mundane. How do you keep pressing in and marching forward when you feel your wheels are stuck in the mud. 

I would want to maybe have some breakout sessions that talked about more practical things like how to lead a small group or how to handle different situations within the group; the talker the non-talker etc. Another break out could be how to handle crisis situations or how to help someone in crisis, or how to engage in conversations with people when you are shy yourself. 

      

Those are things I would like to see at a retreat; things that would add value to my time as I sat and refueled. What about you? What kinds of things or topics would you like to see discussed at a retreat for women leaders?

Thanks for taking this brainstorming session with me…sometimes it’s fun just to sit and dream up things even if they won’t come to be! Happy Friday everyone.                                            

Drowning Mom

Dear Drowning Mom, 

Yes you. The one who has lost the vision that there is a hope. The one who is standing, kneeling rather, tear filled eyes,  as you gaze across the living room that is trashed with toys, as you just spent hours cleaning it the day before. Yes you, the one who can't stand one more person touching them, not one. To the one who feels as though the walls are caving in on her because the flu has quarantined her and taken down every member in her home. To you, working mom, who has to come home to cook, clean, and care for the family, while also carrying out 40 hours of office work a week. To you, who is watching her face age before her very eyes. To you, drowning mom, who wants to give up, hello.

I recognize you, because I was you. Just a few short years ago. For those of you who have already tuned me out due to the fact you think this is a "mommy club" post. I assure you it isn't. I despise the mommy club. I felt so left out for years because I wasn't "apart" of it, and now that I do have kids....well... I will tell you, it is no "club." 

It is hard, gruesome, exhausting work; and should never be taken lightly. 

You see, I am in an odd boat because I was one of the ones who begged, and begged for kids....and I got kids. So, it's hard to admit there was a "drowning mom" inside of me, because after all, "You prayed for this." As many of my friends have repeated to me over the years.

The first five years of a child's life is no joke people. There are SO many ups and downs, hills and valleys, high highs and low lows, that some days you start on one and end on another, and that is just within the first hour. Age 3-5 specifically is not for the faint of heart. To parent well, it takes everything within you to make it through. And there are days and months you really don't believe you will. 

To that I say, on this side of it, being able to take a look back on some of my mountain top moments and my deep valley moments, I say this one vital piece of advice: Get a buddy. 

Ladies, this mom/wife/friend/woman thing is hard work. Hard is an understatement; Find a buddy!!

Find a friend that you can partner with and do each other a favor and give each other breaks! God has so blessed me with this in my life and I tell you, it is the only way I made it through some of my deep dark valley's. 

Take on her kids plus yours one afternoon, so she can go grocery shop--ALONE. Have her take on your kids plus hers so you can go drink coffee at Barnes and Noble while reading a magazine. Take her kids so she can go sit in her car for an hour or two. Have her take your kids so you can get a hair cut mid-day! I tell you, on this side, you will find if you partner up, these times will act as a life preserver for you. A lifeline. You will notice you aren't drowning anymore; you may be holding on to the plank while still submerged...but you won't be drowning.

You will start to notice as you get in the routine of this, that you will become a better Mom, and a happier wife. Throw off the pride of "you don't want to put someone out".....ladies that is a lie. Besides if you have a buddy and you both are leaning on each other, taking turns having alone time...after a while you will see it's not putting her out, it's actually making you better! And it's making her better! And together, you will no longer be the drowning mom. 

Much love xo

2016--First Post

Well hello. 

I haven't forgotten you...I've just been avoiding you. :) 

I wanted my first post of 2016 to mean something, to be something super profound that I'm learning or something....and well...I'm sorry to disappoint...I have none of those things. 

It's has been a really great month though...and I've just been "coasting." For a few reasons....one being there are a lot of huge changes coming up with our church and I am trying to take them all in. Some with other people in our church and some changes with me personally. With any change that happens comes gaining & loosing and the changes coming are going to be a loss for me specifically. And that makes me sad. So like anything that brings emotion for me I do what I do, and that is-->avoid. :) 

I try to fool myself into thinking it will go away if I ignore it, and well you and I both know it doesn't work that way. 

The other reason I have been coasting is, I have been taking the steps that I know I need to take & that means...after 8 years at Brcc and 12 years total, I am stepping out of high school ministry. I have been feeling the spirit leading me to join the women's ministry at our church. And he has been clearly making that the one and only door I am to walk through. I am nervous & not 100% sure why I am to make this move, but there has been many different ways God has confirmed this and made it clear, clear, so clear....so at the end of February I am officially going to be done. I am most nervous to have to start over...and get to know other women deeply like I know the women I currently serve with. That takes time and years of doing life together...Shew. Gaining and loosing perfectly describes this next season. The cool thing is I'm 100% confident this is Gods leading and that makes me so excited to see where He is going to take me. So here is to the next season and with that I have this song on repeat. Oh how I love it. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBwXHpKVS5I&list=RDmBwXHpKVS5I

2015 Year in Review

December 31, 2014 as I was sitting in my parents living room watching the ball drop with my Dad, had I known what 2015 would have had for us, I probably wouldn’t have stepped into year 2015. To say we have had a roller coaster of a ride is putting it mildly. Its been more like we have been in a tornado of events; spinning, twisting us, up and down, around, all over. Some good, some bad, but each moment that has it come, will leave a mark on us forever. 2015 changed us, and forever has left its mark in its wake. 

January started with, what I now know, as the last hug I will ever have with my Dad this side of eternity, and ended with a beautiful little boy Carter being born, that I call my nephew. 

February brought lots of joy, got to celebrate a lot of my friends birthdays, and one of the greatest snowfalls Lynchburg has seen in 15 years. It felt like Colorado snow! 

Then March showed up. With the twister like affects, I went on a weekend trip to Jersey with a friend to hear Beth Moore speak on what I again now know, as a lifeline to get me through the weeks that were ahead. Just six days after the conference, I got the call that I had been dreading. My father passed away.  Before March 20, 2015 I had no context for grief. I had no idea what deep deep sadness was, I now do. The juxtaposition of grief and hope coexisting is not explainable outside of a relationship with Christ, but they can and do coexist. 

April came and went with some normalcy. 

May brought with it a much needed adult weekend getaway with friends to the beach. Oh May how I needed you. Little did I know what June would have in store. We also saw our oldest daughter graduate from preschool—kindergarten was next! Eek.

June came with some really cool spiritual things that God had been moving in the hearts of many around our church. A gathering of 20 men formed to seek and ask God what the next step of our church was to be. We threw in this month Ella’s first ever hair cut at a salon, and then by mid-month our friends from last summer moved in again with us. This time we had filed for custody, as did their aunt. 

July,brought my girls turning 5 & 3! And an opportunity to lead Brooklyn to Christ! What a wonderful day July 1 was!  The month ended with a court hearing that would give us temporary custody of Brock and Brooklyn until Nov. 4th, the next court date. Then July turned into…. 

August. Oh August. You came in with a roaring vengeance didn’t you? This month was so hard. Not only was I preparing to get my first born into her first year of kindergarten, I also now had a 4th grader to register/get ready for school, and two kids in Pre-k! On top of all of those things I was asked to face my biggest fear: public speaking. Oh I could go on and on with how scary and stressful this was. My body did not respond well, lets just say that. BUT with the help of the Holy Spirit I got through it and I do believe God was honored and glorified, and there is no other way I would want to finish out a month. 

In September my little Livi started Preschool. She did so well, and loves going! We could not be more thankful. September also brought some fun! Getting in a routine of having the kids in school and we had a visit from Grandma & Grandpa Wilkinson. 

October, you were fun with all your orange, festivals, and pumpkins! You however brought with you another opportunity to face my biggest fear. I can tell you this time was not easier than the last—still just as scary. 

November. November, ugh November. The month started out at a family dinner out to a play land to eat dinner and let the girls play, and ended with us in the MedExpress place getting 4 staples put in Alivia’s cracked open head. Two days later we went to court for the final hearing of custody between us and B&B’s aunt….and like we had anticipated, because she was biological family, she was awarded custody. What we had not prepared ourselves for was them being removed from our home that night! That hurt a lot, not getting one last night with them and properly getting to say goodbye. But all in all we prayed that God’s will be done. If those kids were supposed to permanently end up in our home, I can tell you—they would have ended up in our home. So all we can do is pray that the 5 months we had them in our home made a deep enough mark on them for the Kingdom!  The first part of November my mother took a trip with her church to Isreal. That was a dream her and my dad had…and well he went with her, in a way. A part of his ashes now reside on the banks of the Sea of Galilee. She got you there in one form or fashion, dad. Although, I’m sure you are seeing MUCH greater sites then we ever could here. Remember how I said earlier that this year changed us? Marked us in a way that other years haven’t? Nov. 24th was one of those days. We got a call from our longtime friends that their two year old son had passed away in his sleep. I wish my words on this page could adequately describe all that I felt. Its not describable what we experienced as we stood with them praying over their son and touching him as the funeral home walked him out of the house. That day was filled with deep deep sorrow. Sorrow has a new meaning to me now that I have felt the sting of death. It hurts more than anything I have ever felt. But yet again in the midst of the sorrow was a peace that truly passes ALL understanding. Our God is good. He is in control, and he turns chaos and panic into peace and worship. Its unlike anything. My God is amazing. Walking out the last two weeks of November with our friends was hard, physically, mentally, and deeply emotional. Through it though, I found moments to thank God for the fact that I didn’t have to juggle 4 kids in order to help my friends. I was able to be fully available and fully present for them. That was a gift and I’m so thankful.  

And just like that December has arrived. We took a mini vacation with our friends who had just lost their son and another family to Busch Gardens Christmas Town. I can’t tell you how wonderful our time was. I was so thankful to have made happy memories with our friends this side of losing their son. That weekend was what we needed, what we all needed. As I sit here at my desk on my last work day of 2015, and think about the two weeks I have off, I become so filled with gratitude. Its been a long haul to get to this point in 2015, and I am glad I am sitting here. Its been a  crazy hard year, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. But all in all I look back and can see how God’s hand was in every step of every month, leading, preparing, and guiding me through it. There is no other way I would want a year spent. 

So here’s to you Mr. 2016! I’m ready for ya!