2017—Being comfortable with the uncomfortable

Well hello there! 

If you have been following along with my blog for any amount of time you will know that, normally, I like to do a year in review blog post, but for 2016 we are just going to call it what it is, and it is over. Ha! Not that it was a bad year at all for me, it was a good year; a year full of transitions though….we moved my mom out to come live near us. She got moved in and settled into a new place. I started serving in women’s ministry at my church, and for the past few months I have been working with our Director of Women’s Bible Study on launching a new Women’s Bible Study group on Thursday nights! So we finished the year off prepping and planning for that. That will kick off on January 19th, and I am excited. Nervous, because I feel like a fish out of water not knowing what I am doing, or where we are going really, but I am being faithful with the doors God has opened up for me, and so here we GO! 

There are also some new things God is birthing inside of me too, and I can’t wait to share with you what they are. BUT for now,if you are the praying kind, pray for me that God would continue to give me wisdom and knowledge, and that I would be faithful to continue to follow His lead. 

God has been teaching me a lot about myself here lately. Like I explained it to my best friend, it’s left me in this place of feeling really vulnerable and exposed.  Two feelings I would rather never feel! 

Think of it in metaphor form like this…Over the past 5 years or so God has had me on the edge of different cliffs, standing, starring down below, and He has asked me to not only walk to the edge and look down, but to actually jump off! Each cliff has had different heights, some with jagged rocks below, and some with water. As He has had me standing on them looking over the edge, He showed me, these are opportunities to trust Him deeper. They are an opportunity to take the leap off the cliff, and allow Him to show me the ways in which He will catch me.

He has asked me to settle my heart in this place of being comfortable with the uncomfortable! “Being comfortable with uncomfortable” is not something that is fun or easy for me to do. I like a plan, I like structure, and I definitely do not like being exposed and vulnerable. BUT….these are the cliffs that God has asked me to stand on. Each cliff is the same too, in that; I have the option to jump or not to jump. Thankfully with each one, I have mustered up enough courage to jump, but He has had to teach me how to be brave. I have had to learn how to walk to edge and actually open my eyes to see the beauty around me. I didn’t always approach the edge with assurance and confidence. He also has had to teach me how to get back up on the next cliff He asks me to face. Being a girl that is terribly afraid of heights, you can see how problematic this whole situation is for me. :)

Through it all, with my eyes fixed on Him, it has been possible to face these fears. So for 2017 this is the pattern I will continue. I will continue to walk towards these cliffs that the Lord brings in my path, and prayerfully each time I will be able to jump quicker, and with more and more confidence. I’ve seen too much of my God not to trust Him now. 

I’ll be in touch!! xo

How do you respond?

Life is crazy busy, especially around the holidays! It’s a super exciting time and you want to do it all, you want to attend all the parties, and get together with people you know and love. You have work parties to make face at, and if you’re anything like me you have a lot of people you love that are expecting you to feel cared for by you, too. But there are times where you just can’t do it all. Things and life get so busy, you are trying to do the best you can to keep all the plates spinning, but you know eventually they are going to start to fall. When the plates do start to fall….what then starts to happen? You probably can finish this sentence for me…..the people in your life start to feel uncared for or left out, and then that creates this whole other tension to deal with in the midst of your madness anyway, am I right? So how do you respond when those instances occur? 

Yesterday was a shining example of how I respond. I get defensive. I immediately say what I have been trying to do, and what the other person hasn’t done. I talk about all the ways they need to make an effort if they truly want to see me/talk to me/ be with me, then THEY need to make the initiative. I talk about all the ways I have tried to make an effort, and get rejected with a lack of response on their end…….and then it was as if I lifted out of the situation and heard myself. I heard how defensive I was, I heard how I was blaming, and I heard the selfishness in my tone. This is not how Jesus would want me to respond. 

James 1:9 says, “Know this my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger." ESV 

I was not quick to hear; quite honestly I didn’t want to hear it. I wasn’t slow to speak; I started spouting off every way I thought I was justified. And I certainly wasn’t slow to anger, because I felt wrongly judged when what was being said about me wasn’t even fully true. This is not how my Jesus would want me to respond. 

As His Spirit quieted my mouth, I was able to stop the conversation and called it what is was… I am being defensive and took ownership of that. I was able to take a step back and really think about the situation, and how parts were true and how other parts weren’t true. 
So how do I respond? There is a very big people pleasing side of me, which is why I get defensive because its proving that I can NOT do it all and I don’t like that feeling. 
For me, whenever I find my self doing in this, whenever I respond like this, I am going to take a step back and look at what “true” reality is. Not all that was said to me was “true” reality. It was jaded by emotion, and it was jaded by their hurt/baggage they bring to the situation too. So as I think clearly, I can only change me. I can only be responsible for how I respond…and I am to respond by….being quick to listen. I am going to think about their heart in the situation, and think about things from their perspective. I am going to be slow to speak. Not trying to justify all that I am doing. Not to make my voice heard so I can be ‘right’ in this. I am to be slow to speak. Words not coming out, mouth shut….listening.  I don’t know about you but that is hard to do!! 

Then I am to be slow to anger. It is hard not to get angry when someone has an offense against you. Its SUPER easy to get your feathers all ruffled and become defensive. It takes a much higher level of self-control to not respond! 

But this is what I am going to put into practice, and how I am going to respond. I may mess up here and there. I may have to stop more conversations and say hey you know what I feel like I’m being defensive and proceed with an apology. But I just refuse to keep being the same person. Its time for me to start responding differently too.  

Come. Learn. Rest.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:28-29 NIV

Come - Move or travel towards or into a place thought of as near. Travel in order to be with a specified person, to do a specified thing, or to be present at an event.

Weary- Feeling or showing extreme tiredness, especially as a result of excessive exertion

Burdened -A load, typically a heavy one. The main responsibility for achieving a specified aim or task.

Rest - Cease work or movement in order to relax, sleep, or recover strength. Place hope, trust, or confidence on or in.

Yoke - A wooden crosspiece that is fastened over the necks of two animals and attached to the plough or cart that they are to pull. Bond together; join

Learn - Gain or acquire knowledge of or skill in (something) by study, experience, or being taught

Gentle -Having or showing a mild, kind, or tender temperament or character. 

Humble - Having or showing a modest or low estimate of one's importance. Of low social, administrative, or political rank.Meek & unassuming.

Come all you who are weary and burdened…..is that you? As much fun as the holidays are they can pack quite a punch with the exhaustion, the parties, the shopping, the hustle and bustle of planning events. All really fun things, and things that make the holidays the best time of year, but I think sometimes unintentionally they make us weary or burdened. Or maybe for you the holidays have taken a back seat because of the overshadowing doom and gloom of the election. Maybe you find yourself in a season of being weary and burdened, if so, then this is for you. 

I just love that I read these verses today in Matthew 11:28-29. In these verses this is Jesus talking in and he is talking to pretty much anyone who would listen, but specifically to those people who have chosen to follow Him. 

To understand the context of this passage you need to have an understanding of each word so that is why I wrote out the definitions for you. You also need to know during this timeperiod in Scripture, the Pharisees were placing a heavy pressure on people of faith by insisting on a legalistic interpretation of the law. Jesus came to commit a new way to them. He was saying; forget all the ways they are saying to live for me. Forget the rules and regulations of religious acts. It’s not about law and rule and dictatorship, it’s about me. Come follow me. He promised to take the weary and the burdened people and give them rest. But he instructs them to do two things:

1. Take my yoke up you. If you look at the definition of yoke you see that again in keeping with the context of scripture he was giving them a word picture by using the word yoke. A yoke was a wooden crosspiece that is fastened over the necks of two animals and attached to the plough or cart that they are to pull. It bound them together to work in unison. That is what Jesus was asking the weary and burdened to do. To fasten, bind, join together with him. 

2. Second thing he tells us to do is, learn from me. Its not just come follow me, come join with me in unison, but we are also instructed to learn from Him. Look at the definition of learn: Gain or acquire knowledge of or skill in (something) by study, experience, or being taught. Learn from me……

He continues by saying that He is gentle (mild, kind, tender temperament or character), and humble (showing modest or low estimate of his importance, meek, and unassuming). That is who Jesus is. That is what he is asking us to be like. He is asking us to following the example of having a mild, kind, tender temperament or character. To show a modest or low esteem of yourself importance, to be meek, and unassuming….that is what he was asking His followers to do. 

And I love the last part of the verse, it says, “….and you will find rest for your souls.” Then and only then, when we follow Jesus (come), when we take up his yoke (bind, join, unify with him), when we chose to learn from Him about his gentle (mild, kind, tender), and humble (low opinion of self)…….we will find rest for our souls. 

That is the key this holiday season. That is how you will find rest for your soul in the midst of the madness that is swirling around you, whether it’s in your personal life, what you read or watch in the media, even through all the opinions we read on social media…..He is the rest for our souls. Be set apart today. xoxo

Presidential Election 2016

Its November 8, 2016. It’s a big day in US history…every Presidential Election is a big day in America if I am being honest, but something happened this time when I went through the line to vote…something unexpected. A little back story that gets me where I am today…last Friday I went to see the movie Hacksaw Ridge with my husband…it’s a movie on the life of an amazing man, Desmond T. Doss. You can find more on his life here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desmond_Doss. 

He became the first and only conscientious objector to receive the Medal of Honor in World War II. Enlisting voluntarily in April 1942,[4] Doss refused to kill an enemy soldier or carry a weapon (pistol) into combat because of his personal beliefs as a Seventh-day Adventist. He then saved the lives of over 75 infantrymen he was serving with during the Battle of Okinawa in 1945; at the same time he was adhering to his religious convictions. 

I don’t know about you, but that hit me hard. I walked out of that movie, (I know it’s a movie, but they did a darn good job at making it feel real!) but I just could not stop the tears from flowing. I don’t know if it was because Mr. Doss was from the city I’ve spent the last 17 years of my life in, or if it was because I was so touched, inspired, in awe of this man and what he did, or because of his conviction to the Lord…I’m sure it was all of that combined, but wow what a legacy he left! I just had a greater appreciation for what our service men and women go through for OUR freedom here in the States. The stakes of voting seemed a lot higher today. 

As I stood in the line, I was looking at all of the different people that were in that line, all different ages, races, genders, backgrounds, religious views….it was a mosaic of people. All of them were standing in the line wanting to express their freedom and express their voice by placing their vote in the ballot box. It was just emotional for me, given what I had just been reminded of Friday. The price people paid for our freedom was just super humbling.  After I walked past the line of people back out to my car to head to work, it was as if I was walking in slow motion. Looking in the eyes of people I was passing; know they all have souls, and lives they live. Not all of them agree with me, not all of them share the same convictions I do, but all of them were there because of our freedom to be there. As I sat down in my car I was overcome with emotion and just started weeping. Never in my adult life have I been emotional about an election, let alone cried after voting! I am not sure where the emotion was coming from; gratitude for the people who paid the price for me, or nervousness about the state of our country in the year 2016, but what happened next was what calmed my soul. 

I turned on the radio and this song by All Sons and Daughters was on: https://youtu.be/uHz0w-HG4iU

The lyrics are: 

You give life, You are love
You bring light to the darkness
You give hope, You restore
Every heart that is broken
Great are You, Lord

It's Your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise
We pour out our praise
It's Your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise to You only

You give life, You are love
You bring light to the darkness
You give hope, You restore

Every heart that is broken
Great are You, Lord

All the earth will shout Your praise
Our hearts will cry, these bones will sing
Great are You, Lord

And through my tears I sang, “So we pour out our praise to You only….” Its all for Jesus anyway.

So if your soul is at unrest let’s remember what Romans 13:1 says, “Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God.” 

No matter the outcome of this election, God is still God & He is still on the Throne….and he still will be November 9, 2016 too! So thankful for that! 

Faith in Action

As I said in my last post, I have been going through the Armor of God study by Priscilla Shirer. We have been going through Ephesians 6:10-19; talking about the Armor of God (That all of us who are followers of Jesus have access to). Last week we talked about the Shoes of Peace! Oh my goodness I learned so much and really feel like I have some practical tools to combat the enemy’s lies that have been thrown at me. So thankful for that!

This week’s topic was on the Shield of Faith…and Priscilla broke down what faith really means. She said some really good things like:

“We will never see the benefits of our faith and our relationship with God unless we are willing to marry our faith with our actions.” 

“Faith says less about you and MORE about what you really believe to be true about God.”

Then my favorite part: 

“The faith place is stepping into a situation or circumstance where you put yourself into a position for God to have to come through.”

These past few months I have had the opportunity to move into this Faith Place that she talked about. There are some things happening in the women’s ministry at my church that I have been invited into.  It makes no sense at all that I would be asked to do what I have been asked to do. I honestly feel like I am the wrong person for the job…..but what I learned this past week on Faith has propelled me to keep moving forward. Faith is when the dots don’t connect, but you do it anyway….and the question that comes into play is, am I going to be crippled by fear or step out in faith?? The really cool thing about Jesus is, He allows you/me to hear his message, but then He leads us into deep waters in order to put what you just learned into action. That is faith!!

If we (if I) really believe God is trustworthy—then we need to act like it….so here I am putting faith into action in a very real, and physical way. The other thing with faith is that, it’s not absent of fear or emotions…..these fear feelings, inadequacy, insecurity still come when you are moving out in faith—BUT it’s what you DO with the fear/emotions that matters. I just loved this and it hit home hard: 

“Faith is the process of adapting your behavior, your decisions, and ultimately your whole lifestyle so that it accords with what God has asked you to do.Choose to act in accordance with truth despite the fact that you can’t see what the outcome will be. The act of faith is what becomes a shield of protection to guard against the enemy’s attacks.” 

Tony Evans says, “Faith is acting like it is so, even when it is not so, so that it might be so, simply because God said so.” 

I was thinking of an example in the Bible that exemplified this faith in action & was quickly reminded of Abraham. This man was such an inspiration and example of faith in action. His prompt obedience that was grounded in faith characterized him throughout his entire life. What a legacy! 
We see this in:

Genesis 12:1-4 it says “He went as the Lord had told him.”

Gen 17:23 “…as God told him”

Gen 22:3 “He set out for the place God had told him about.” 

Then in Hebrews 11:8-10 the “Faith chapter” he is recognized for his faith and it says — He obeyed and went even though he did not know where he was going. 

Prompt obedience. He obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going……that is how I am feeling….I feel this leading from the Holy Spirit, but when I look beyond today or even a few weeks—I have no clue where I am going. God is giving me a very real way to put my faith into action & it scares the crow out of me! So here is to my act of faith by taking one step at a time and walking through the doors as the Lord sees fit to open them. Open hands & open heart. 

So how about you? Will you do what you feel called to do even though it doesn’t make sense to you? Let’s not rationalize ourselves out of obedience, and walk boldly with the Shield of Faith! xo

Armor Up

For the past 8 years I have been serving the high school ministry at our church. But last November I felt God shifting my heart and I felt I was to go and serve in our women’s ministry. This was a change I didn’t see coming for myself, but in April of this year I fully changed over. The Lord has been so gracious to confirm I did make the right move. It’s been amazing to see Him going before me and confirming along the way that I did indeed hear him, and that I did indeed make the right decision by coming to women’s ministry. I have been given some opportunities to step out of my comfort zone & step into places where all I can do is rely on God because I have no clue what I am doing. That’s not a very fun place to be as a leader either. You want to feel like you at least have this semi together and that you are worth following, but I have found myself smack down on my knees learning a ton and being shaped and molded like never before. 

You see we are doing the study, Armor of God, by Priscilla Shirer. You guys---it is rocking me; in SUCH a good way. I feel like I have been awarded an opportunity to take this past year of struggling with fear, and really face it head on with this study. I feel like I am being equipped to do something about it! 

We have become a culture that is relatively unaware of the enemy’s presence, unaware of his conspiracies to destroy our lives, unaware the he’s distracting us from reaching our destinies. We tend to rely most on what is visible and physical, instead of zeroing in on the invisible & the spiritual. I have been learning that the attacks of the enemy are always wrapped in the packaging of deception, always designed to manipulate the truth about God and about you (me). The evil temptations that appeal to my/your specific desires are not accidental. The discord and disharmony that threaten your most valuable relationships are not coincidental. The temptations that tug at you during your weakest moments are not uncalculated. 2 Corinthians 10:3 says, “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh.” Meaning there is a bigger fight going on that we don’t see in the physical world. We still have to deal with the physical ailments, environmental evils, and relational hardships of this plant, but if you are in Christ & you have a personal relationship with Him—we always have hope! 

The main thing that I have been struggling with this past year is my mind. I will go from zero – death in milliseconds! You name it; I have played out the scenario in my head. Most of the time when these thoughts come, I have already gone down the death path before I even REALIZE what I am actually thinking about. This study has been bringing that to light in my life. One thing that has really made an impact on me is this quote by Priscilla…..speaking to followers of Jesus…. “Satan knows that he cannot destroy you….the best he can do is to make your time here on earth futile and unproductive, to suffocate you with sin, insecurity, fear, and discouragement until you are unable to live freely and fully. He can’t “unseat” you, but he can intimidate you and render you ineffective and paralyzed.” This is another goal of Satan, “He knows that you, as a follower of Christ, cannot be destroyed. But he has other goals in the meantime: to distract you, discourage you, divide you from others, and disable you from experiencing everything that is rightfully yours as an adopted member of God’s family. He wants to terrorize you until you’re rendered incapacitated, miserable, and incapable of living in the benefits of a victory that has already been won.”

I can honestly say this past year I have been hit hard with insecurity, fear, and discouragement. I have been distracted, divided from others, and I have been disabled from experiencing everything that is rightfully mine as an adopted member of Gods family. Which, like Priscilla has said, renders me incapacitated, miserable, and incapable of living in the benefits of a victory that has already been won! I have been in some of the worst places in my mind lately, which has made me place blame and judgment on completely innocent people--simply because I have not have had self-discipline with my mind. Or because I haven’t been recognizing what has been actually happening….the enemy is the master at choosing the right kind of bait to snag you! He carefully considers and calculates your current situation, taking into account your weaknesses and strengths, your interests and tendencies, your history and past abuses…everything and uses this information to craft a specific strategy to hook you and reel you in. most of the reason why he gets the best of us so often is because we make his job way too easy for him. 

I am done making his job easy. I am done being deceived in my mind. I am done allowing these thoughts to develop into full blown accusations toward innocent people. I am done allowing mind to divide my relationships based of fabrications. Ephesians 6:10-19 tells me how, and tells me everything I need in order to be successful in this. The Truth of God’s word is mine/our core support. Its what makes everything else fall into the appropriate place. Without Gods word, there is no true compass to go back to. Truth—which we could basically define as God’s opinion on any matter—is our standard. Truth is who God is and what He says it is, which best summed up for us within the Person of Jesus Christ. With the standard of truth in place, you can adjust everything else in your life—your ambitions, choices, and feelings; your MIND, will and emotions—until all of it is tuned correctly. When you have a strong stable, well supported core, you can’t easily be lead astray by the enemy’s clever lies. Gird yourself with truth, and you’re on guard from the word “go.” Freedom comes when we unapologetically follow the truth that we discover in Him and in His word. That is what makes the difference. That is what disarms the enemy’s influence and his impact in our lives. 

And I want to end with one more quote from Priscilla Shirer: 

“Refuse to be a woman who walks around with a Bible under her arm but doesn’t actually stand firm on it, affirm it, and actively support it. Instead, ask the Lord to give you the courage to hold it up as a banner over your life.” 

And ask the Lord for courage is exactly what I plan to do! 

*all italicized words came directly from the Armor of God workbook study

Acknowledge & Embrace

Yet again it's been awhile...I would love to blog more than I do, but life seems to go by faster and faster with each month and because of that somehow I have found myself almost mid August! 

This summer has been so wonderful. A small confession & reason for that is because we are back down to a 2 child household again after the past two summers where we had 4 children all summer....If I may be honest....its been amazing. I just am a two kid mom. I get two kids. I can do two kids. I can hold one and hold the hand of the other. I can find time to clean & find time to play. 

Because of this being a much easier summer too, my husband & I decided to give ourselves a treat....after 3 years of no vacation to speak of & 13 years of not being back to a tropical island, we finally on an....wait for it.....adult vacation!! We went to Aruba! Oh my goodness I could bore you all day long with how amazing this trip was! So many reasons, but the main reason is because we took an entire week to invest in our marriage. And rest. And relax; together. 

That is the thing we haven't been really good at since kids came into our journey. We just haven't really known how. Well now we do & I can assure you there will be more tropical vacations to come! 

Another reason it was so good was because I feel like the fog has lifted in regards to the fear I have been battling. (I am almost feeling fear as I type that, because now something is going to happen & bring the fear back, just because I said that!) As I sat in Aruba and was just resting, one thing I noticed was the looming fear that had been clouding my judgement this past year, wasn't there. I felt so peaceful, I felt rested, and fear was never a category for me there. I was actually enjoying life! Fear has crept in my life since the day my Father past away & I have been trying to manage it the best I know how. God, so gracious and sweet to me always, had to gently remind me of how important prayer is. Yes I prayed about the fear going away, but it was as if my mind was so jaded by fear that I didn't realize I wasn't truly praying for the fear to go away....I was so consumed by it that I didn't realize I wasn't fully asking for his help. He showed me that the only person on earth that can stop my prayers is: ME.  He also showed me that I have a part to play in prayer as well & that is that I am to actively acknowledge & embrace my prayers. Instead of clamoring to receive an answer as to why I am struggling, I am to ask God with a calm and trusting heart...thanking Him in advance and believing that I will receive what I need.  My job is to acknowledge and embrace prayer. Let's never get so old or sophisticated that we forget to come to Him as little children do. God loves you. God loves me. He loves our company and spending time with us, searching the depths of our souls, and hearing the dreams of our hearts.  

"He protects His flock like a shepherd; he gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them in the fold of His garment." Isaiah 40:11 

Maybe for you, like me, it's time to get back to acknowledging and embracing the prayers of our hearts.