You asked & He spoke.

So these past couple weeks for whatever reason I have been struggling with an old issue in my heart. I for some reason have picked it back up & started to carry it again. I asked the Lord to speak to me this morning in my devotion time & He did! Listen to this! I was reading Numbers 32-33 & in 33:55 it says:

55 " 'But if you do not drive out the inhabitants of the land, those you allow to remain will become barbs in your eyes and thorns in your sides. They will give you trouble in the land where you will live.

The Lord was warning the Israelites to get rid of the wicked people that were inhabiting their land, but they were hesitant to get rid of them. Whether it was because they were comfortable with it, they knew what to expect, they were familiar with this struggle...whatever the case my be they were not telling these people to leave. This spoke right to where the heart of where I'm at. in 55 it says...."Those you ALLOW to remain..." It is amazing how fast we can forget that small lesson! I am in control of what I ALLOW in my heart, or WHO I allow in my life! I do not have have to pick up old habits, hurts or hang ups! I WILL tell this to get out of my land before it causes anymore trouble!!!
Thank you Lord for speaking right to the heart of where I'm at! I love you & am grateful you don't let me suffer in silence, and I am CHOOSING to let it go! ♥

Where I came from.

So this past week or two I've been really wishing I could forget where I came from. Not where I was physically raised, not even the family I came from, what I mean is, where I've come from in the last 3 years. I wish I could just forget a certain part of my life that caused me so much pain. There are so many constant reminders that I just wish I could take that out of my memory. I was taught this verse just recently:

Job 23:10
10 But he knows the way that I take;
when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.

This verse is what is keeping me pressing forward. Knowing that the Lord is for me & on my side & wants whats best for me, and wants the best me! Keeps me going forward...So until next time, I will come forth as gold!

The last night

Well tonight is my last night in Chicago. I've been here since Saturday visiting my dear friend Erica. Being here in the beginning made old thoughts, and habits come back up in my heart. It was odd to feel those & remember, but the Lord is good & gracious to give me support through those rough patches! It was amazing because the very morning I was struggling, I sent a text to my accountability friend to pray for me. She was a good support to me that day to remember that it wasn't real & to pray. Then the sermon that morning was on Job 23:10 "He knows the way that I take; and when he was tried me, I shall come forth as gold!" amazing.
Some highlights were:
Gold is made by melting, then you bind it together, and then there is a separation process; Just like God wants to do to us. I learned that Every trial we face is allowed by God for our ultimate good! And that Good = all we need, not all we WANT! That was a huge reminder for me! Also, trials need not steal our joy, because they bring us to the power of God, because they prove that we are God's children, because they increase our ENDURANCE, and finally because they build our intimacy with Jesus! Another point was that until I embrace my trial in unwavering submission to God, I will not reap the good! And then the one thing that stuck out most to me was that our weakness opens the power to God's strength. God doesn't exist for our comfort! His goal is to make us HOLY.
I felt like I was supposed to be there at Harvest that morning. I felt like the Lord made that sermon for me! Our God is so good and gracious, and cares so much for us. Even in our weakness, he is STILL strong. He is still there! He still cares & wants to continue refining us over & over.
Lord, may I stay at your feet. Humbled and patient. May my heart be so near yours, may I be blameless. May I be a tool that you use for your ultimate good.
Thank you for teaching and loving in this way!

Remind Me

Lord,
Today is a hard day. Be with me in my thoughts and in my heart. Around old friends brings up old feelings and thoughts. Remind me of who I am in you today. Remind me that I don't want that life. Remind me of what that road cost me. Remind me of what I've gained now! Remind of who I am in you! Remind me of what it would cost me now to go back!
Remind me Lord.

Never Forget....

So these past 5 years have been a journey for me we'll say....The Lord really has just grabbed hold of my heart in many areas. One of which I'd like to talk about with you now. About 7 years ago in Jan. of 2004, I was at a leadership conference. They were talking about how we should open all of our hearts to God & let him take control of all of us. Well...that has always been easy for me...sure God. I will go where you want, I will do what you want, you name it, I'm there. But the Lord had another plan for me. As i sat there praying that day to ask what areas I needed to hand over to him, he told me "give me your weight." I was like what? Hold on, you can have every other area but that one. I keep that. Then he said "you want to do anything for me, you say you'd do anything, go anywhere, but yet you won't even start with you? Give me ALL of you." At that moment I knew my life was not my own. I knew much pain & sacrifice was to follow. And five years later & 30lbs lighter, I am in a constant state of trying to honor God with ALL of me. Inside & out. Its hard I will say. I do NOT succeed at it everyday! sometimes I have whole weeks of messing up. but he is so gracious to forgive & pick me right back up. I love that about my Father. He is there and when we get tripped up he reaches back to give us a hand up. He truly is a gentleman!
I write all this today to say, this is a marker for me. I found an old picture. The old me. I am different now. I have been changed, and am still changing from the inside out. But in this whole process I never want to forget where I came from. I never what to forget what I looked like or how I felt. For me it is a huge reminder of how far the Lord has brought me.
So here is to pressing on, moving forward, pushing harder and harder into Christ & trying to live the life HE has for me!

I never want myself to get in the way of us.

This morning I was reading the word, and for a few months this statement hasn't been true for me. I have let myself get in the way of my walk with the Lord. Just making excuses, and not making time with Him. I realized that any distance created between us is because I've let myself get in the way of us. How sad. I never want myself to get in the way. I often find myself fighting thoughts, and urges. one big urge for me is the need to be validated. I get real down on myself if I'm not finding validation in other people. That is not OK. I get the most desperate when I've not spent enough time with the Lord. I will make this change. I have to. in order to survive. I must. ♥

Why I do it.

There is little to no reward really in helping out in the youth group Sunday after Sunday. Or so I was beginning to think. Thoughts of, is this REALLY making any difference? Am I really serving in the right area? I have no clue how God will change these hearts for him. We are working from such a deficit! This are thoughts that would fill my heart & mind some Sundays as I would walk into the youth room. Then days like today & day like last Monday happen.
Last Monday, I went to the Baptism interviews like I normally do. This time I was partnered with 2 high school girls that I'd never met before. As we talked I started to discern that these two girls did not yet know the Lord. So as I showed them the bridge & they said they wanted a relationship with the Lord, I prayed with them & two souls were written in the Book of Life! Amazing! All because God allowed me to be a part of their night!
And tonight, I get an email from one of my High School friends...here is what she wrote:

hey Janna!♥
i wanted you to know that the book you gave me Sunday helps me on my spiritual journey. it made a great connection yesterday!
yesterdays was: "Taking the initiative against depression"
It's February 17th. "Depression tends to turn us away from the everyday things of God's creation. But whenever God steps in, His inspiration is to do the most natural, simple things--things we would never have imagined God was in, but as we do them we find Him there.
it connected to my life in so many ways and brightened my day, like you! (:

hope you feel better. and thanks for all you do.
love ya

Yeah wow! So if this past 2 weeks haven't been confirmation enough I don't know what is! Thank you Lord for confirming that for me! I am honored & humbled to be your servant!