I am seemingly averaging one post a month these days which makes me sad because there are days that I have so much to say, but just don't even have the energy to turn on my computer. Outside of my work and smart phone I don't think I log on to a computer more than once a month these days! There have been several things that have been rattling around in this head that I've not had a chance to get out, but I felt in the interest of marker moments in our lives this one needs to get documented.
Remember my last post? The one on living in light of eternity? Yah that one, that tiny little post....well its funny how God starts to do something in our hearts and then actually calls us to them....So yah we are in a moment like that.
Lets back up...in early November (told you its been a while!) we went to an adoption/foster care rally at my church. I was fully going as a support and encouragement to others. See where I am (was) with more than the two kids we have is....perfect. I do not want more. Hear me...I do not want more. You can think about it like this...as much as Jeremy did not want children at all is as much as I do not want more than two. So that is where I am as I go to this rally. Well as God in all his sweet gentle kind ways that he does, a girl was talking and she was giving us the perspective of a child that was pretty much born into the system and aged out of the system. What I loved about her was she was so real and honest and flat out said, I'm not here to convince you to adopt or foster a child, I'm here to tell you the child's perspective. She did alright! It was beautifully heartbreaking. As I'm sitting there in my stubbornness of not wanting more kids there was a section of her talk that hit me hard...and the Holy Spirit said, that is your next step. So I immediately do what I do best, and I said NO. Ha! :)
There it was again, Janna, that is your next step....so I do what I normally do and put my foot down and say "fine, but you have to do something in Jeremy's heart too because I am not leading this!" In all my spoiled brat manner.
So the rally finishes and it was a great time of encouragement....but as we are driving home before we could really even get a full conversation out, God had did what he originally did with Jeremy & my hearts at catalyst in 2009....he aligned our hearts. We both felt we were being called to move into Foster Care.
So now that is what has been rattling around in this head of mine...I have no clue if that means we are supposed to Foster to adopt where they will be a part of our families forever, or if it means we are to be a safe place for a season for a child to come into and find healing? We have no clue, we are just starting the process, and part of that process has been to simplify our home. So that is what we have been doing the past month. The next step is an informational meeting with one of the local agencies; which we are attending tonight. So if you are reading this blog today would you please lift us up in prayer tonight as we go. We are just trying to be obedient to what God has asked us to do, but aren't 100% sure we know what this will look like. So we are hoping for come clarity and confirmation tonight as we go.
So with as much as I really do not want more children, yes still if it were up to me I'd be done for good in the kid arena, I see the beauty in the story that God is writing in our hearts and lives. I can't wait to open our home to a little child that has been broken and needs a home just to feel and be loved unconditionally. I can't wait to be an outward example of what Christ does for us, he pursues us, he finds us, he wants to love us, he wants to mend our hearts and make us well. I am so excited to watch a little heart grow and bloom at the discovery of how much God truly does love them. There is beauty in all of this.....its just a little scary as we go...ok a lot scary. Would love and cherish the prayers! xoxo
