I feel my tank is near empty. This has been a season you could say. Phew. I honestly realize why parents don't tell you about the ages 2 & 3 years old....some things are better left untold & to just experience them on your own. And experience I am. Phew. My little firecracker turns 3 on Thursday and firecracker she is. I am struggling between figuring out how to remain calm, and not let the stress in my back cripple me. It is a battle pretty regularly at my house between me & her, and I am not sure how to do this. My husband said, you are living your dream....yes but.....oh my! No one told me about this section of my "dream!!"
Make it to four years old...just make it to four, is what people keep telling me....yes but four is a whole year away!!! haha
I need to find a way to refuel, and I'm not sure how to do that well. I feel like right now its just been give give give, and momma is not getting any refueling time. Oh Lord help me to do this well....I fear I am not right now. I want to display your kindness and gentleness in every way, even in my interaction with my 3 year old. When my husband comes home I want to be radiating joy because I am getting to "live my dream" not weighed down with frustration and exhaustion.
And then when I do slow down to reflect & come back to center, I realize....I get to this place because of out of proportion priorities. Isnt' it so true that when we get overwhelmed when we get bogged down, or at the end of the rope, its because we aren't filling ourselves with Him? That's what it is for me. No wonder I've been running on fumes!! I haven't made a stop at the gas station! Sure its been a small little drive by here & there, but nothing to just sit and refuel. Duh Janna!! (Sometimes I need a swift smack to the noggin for things to click.)
Luke 11:33 says, "No one lights a lamp and puts it in a place where it will be hidden, or under a bowl. Instead he puts its on its stand, so that those who come in may see the light. Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are good, your whole body also is full of light. But when they are bad, your body also is full of darkness. See to it, then, that the light within you is not darkness. Therefore, if your whole body is full of light, and no part of it dark, it will be completely lightened, as then the light of a lamp shines on you."
My lamp has not been shining bright at all. I need to pour some more fuel in my lamp so it will ignite and burn bright for all to see....even my little 3 year old....ESPECIALLY my little 3 year old. Lord forgive my stubbornness and arrogance to even remotely think I can do this without you. You are my fuel, you are what fills me & fuels me, you are my gas station. You are the reason I will shine bright and radiate your joy, as I do GET to "live my dream." It is an honor and a joy to do this, and I begged and begged for this season, and I want to do it WELL.....but I can't without you. Lead me Lord, for your wayward servant is now listening. ♥
