SOTR 2018
For those of you who don’t know, one huge milestone in a cyclist’s life is to complete your first century. That is, riding 100 miles in one day…..I will attempt this in a ride called SOTR (Storming of Thunder Ridge). It is a big ride that happens in my town each May. I signed up for this with a friend who asked me to do it with her to complete this “impossible” goal. And as I do; I wrangled another friend in as well as my husband. After all, if I’m going down, they are coming with me.
As time as past, I have been training really hard for this, and one by one the friends I was doing this ride with have had to back out due to injuries. I am a “do with” type person. I don’t like “do alone” activities often. I like my alone time for about an hour a day and then I’m good. I like to be with others and accomplish things together. So the thought of them not riding this ride with me sent me into a defeated mental state. So I was faced with the question: “Why am I doing this ride??”
So I made a “why I would do it” and a “why I wouldn’t do it” list….then I met with my nutritionist and I talked with her about this whole thing; the possibility of being faced with riding it alone. She gave me a really good filter.
She said, “If that day came and went would you have regrets about not doing it?” The more I think about it the more I know I would regret not doing it. I have been training for this, and then to just not do it…doesn’t sit well with my soul.
As I looked over my lists the reasons on my “why I wouldn’t do it” list are all fear driven….I would totally have a huge regret about it if I went into age 40 knowing I trained for this and then gave up. I’d be so disappointed in myself that I let fear control me yet again.
And as she was talking to me, the tears were streaming down my face, I couldn’t control it. This whole thing is so indicative of my whole life. I push and I can challenge myself to a point, but then when life gets to a place that I deem “too hard” I quit. I give up. I see it all over my life.
My life has been controlled by fear. I have mental toughness to an extent but when it is time for the point where I need to have a mental break through I give up.
And why? Because I’m afraid.
I’m afraid to do this ride alone….so then I asked myself another question, “Why?? Why are you so afraid?! “
And the reason is because I’m afraid of this ride being too hard. It is 100 miles WITH 9200 FEET of elevation!!! That is more than I have ever done by 6000 feet! I’m also afraid of failing and not being able to finish it, I’m afraid of it being too hot, I’m afraid of slowing my husband down, I’m afraid of it all……..and this is the pattern in my life. When it gets too hard or I push to the point where there may be some actual true breakthrough---I give up. I sabotage and I walk away. I stay in my ‘safe place’ of “good enough” instead of allowing God to truly take me into the unknown with him.
I honestly am wondering if God is intentionally stripping people way so I can’t lean on anyone but him for this. This will be the hardest thing physically yet, but the hardest thing mentally I have ever done….and the thought of that terrifies me.
Ultimately, If I looked down past my life and I did give up and I didn’t do SOTR I would regret it, and I would know that the reason I quit is purely because mentally I gave up. Because at this point that is what this is—physically I can…..its the mental part that has me believing “I can’t”.
It’s almost as if, completing this ride will be like I’m taking that little girl who is inside of me that was made fun of back in elementary school and was told lie after lie of how she wasn’t “enough” and its as if I’m saying to her, “You are not her anymore!!You don’t have to be!” Its about changing the tape loop in my head to say “I CAN DO IT!”
And I CAN DO IT!
And I CAN DO IT!
I’m doing it.
I’m going to ride my own race, and I’m going to push my mind past what I’ve tricked myself into believing that I can’t do….and with Jesus on that bike with me—we can!
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says: “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am WEAK, then I am STRONG.”
SO in my weakness I will attempt my first Century on May 20th! I’ll keep you posted!
