Over the past few weeks I have been leading some of the high school women leaders through a study & a journey that the Lord has been bringing me on the past 8 months or so. Most of my time and energy has been spent on that and so my little blog friend, you get neglected. I’m sorry about that. Part of the neglect is because of the time factor, and the other part of it is, it’s hard to put into writing what has been happening in me, if that makes any sense. Also fear of not being able to adequately get out all that has been happening in me has been a block for me too.
Let me rewind a bit to give a little context to where my mind is right now.
Last August I knew that I was going to be going part time in January of this year. Once I was freed up with not having to work so much, I knew it would be time for me to start serving again. Where though, was the bigger question? In my mind and selfishly I wanted to join my dear friend in a ministry she was heading up & has been leading for some time. We haven’t been in ministry together in over 5 years, and quite frankly I was ready to start serving with her again & have our roads intersect again. As it is now we are just kind of running a parallel life. On two different roads, heading the same direction & every now & then we’ll make a turn and our roads connect here & there but then we go back to our own straight roads; not a bad thing, both moving in the same direction, just on different roads. Which is ok, I was just ready for us to be on the same roads again. That was MY plan. You all know how that goes.
So as I’m thinking of where to serve the Lord just was saying to me, do not worry about “where” you will serve or the end result, just take each step as I give it to you, and move into it. So that is what I started to do. On my knees asking for direction, He did what He said he would, He gave me each step as it was needed to be given. The first step was to start researching insecurity. So I did. Which lead me to reading Beth Moore’s book, So Long Insecurity. This book along with the Word has drastically changed the trajectory of my life. Not wanting to manufacture any of the thoughts & visions I was having, I said to the Lord, if you want this to happen, you are going to have to make it happen, I’m not going to do any of this. I will do what you ask, but I’m not going to talk about it with anyone. Not even my husband.
As the months past, I just kept pouring myself into this research of what this thing insecurity looks like played out in women’s lives specifically. Still not thinking about what was to come of any of this, just moving into each step as it was given, the dreaded day came when I heard the news that one of my former high school students that I lead, was in a car accident & died. I was so broken for her, for her family, for all the friends she left behind, but most importantly broken because I didn’t know 100% where she went. She prayed a prayer with me, but if you look at her life & the evidence of fruit….too much to bear.
Then another piece of this puzzle came, “Now, all that research you have been doing on insecurity, I want you to bring it to high school girls & empower them to live differently.” HIGH SCHOOL?? Um Lord, I’ve been there done that & look at what happened to the one girl I gave 110% to…..Then again….”I want you to bring this to high school girls & empower them to live differently.” Ugh. Ok Lord.
Still not have mentioning any of this to anyone, I began to write. The Lord birthed in me a six week study for these teen girls. A lot of it is from the truths I learned in Beth Moore’s book. All of this was around November 2012, and as clear as I can remember it one night I was falling asleep, and some of you who know me well know I love my sleep! Its precious to me. Well just as I was about to fall into that deep sleep, the Holy Spirit woke me up & said, “Call it Made for More.” I thought, oh yeah that’s a good title. Falling almost to sleep again His voice came again, “Wake up, write it down. Made for More” Arguing, I didn’t want to get up so I replied, I’ll write it down in the morning. Again it came firmer now, “You will not remember, WAKE UP and write it down!” Ok Ok Lord, I’m up! So I wrote down the title in my notes section of my iPhone.
Around December, as I was finishing up things, I felt the next step in this is to let someone else in on it. So I told my husband what had been going on in my heart & where I felt like God was leading me. He was truly supportive, but also cautioned me in not getting head of the Lord, but staying in step with Him. Which I totally appreciate that he said that. Through this whole process that has been my prayer, I don’t want to walk too far ahead of you Lord, and I don’t want to lag too far behind, I just want to keep in step with you. So I appreciate his wisdom. Then I felt it was time to talk to the lady who leads the women leaders in high school. I just told her my heart & what has been happening, and if she would have me I would like to come back to serve in high school ministry. Sweetly enough, she welcomed me with open arms.
So since January of this year, I have been just resting & waiting on the Lord. Have what you will with this study, I am open, I hold it loosely. I truly feel like this is from Him and because of that, HE will make things happen with it if He chooses or not. February the women leader asked me to take the other women leaders through the made for more study. Ugh, and if any of you know me, I am not eloquent in speech. I am not a “presenter.” Its one thing to bring teens through this but my peers??? That I can’t do. The Lord in His sweet graciousness, reminded me of the journey I too was on. That not only were these girls made for more, but I was made for more. I am made for more than letting lies & insecurity hinder His work in my life anymore. I am made for more than the lies I believe about myself. I am made for more than living less than He has called me to. I am worth far more than I give myself credit for, because HE lives IN ME! So I moved into the next step.
I am still walking out these steps He is given me. We are on week four of the study, and what He has for this study after the leaders go through it, I don’t know. I don’t know if this will ever make it to the teens. I don’t know if this was purely for me. For the first time I am willing to work through my insecurities & still press in & press through them, because I BELIEVE what He says about me. Finally! So here is to the next step, whatever that looks like in me. All I can say with confidence is: we were
MADE FOR MORE!
