June 17,1953

Today you would have been 62. I honestly thought we would have one more birthday celebration with you & it makes me incredibly sad I can call and hear your voice. For now the saved voicemails will have to do. 

Happy birthday Daddy. Mom, Jeremiah and I are wishing we could have spent one more with you, but the trade off of you here suffering isn't worth knowing how you are rejoicing with Jesus! Can't wait to see you again.

Miss you so much it hurts.

Every day is different....

I was talking to a friend last week about the events happening in my life currently. The best I could describe it was; every day is different. I can’t plan beyond what is happening today. I would go through all the effort and it be all for not, because God has a different plan for that day. One that is opposite anything I would imagine for my life, but he knew. And I love that he trusts us enough to keep giving us opportunities to trust him more. 

So as I said every day is different and yesterday proved this all too well. Well let me back up….if you keep up with my blog you know we had some kids living with us last summer/fall & we were moving into custody of them, but the family decided they wanted to parent the kids. So this past December they took the children out of our home and I thought that was the last we would hear from them. Fast forward to about a month ago, I got a message from their mother that they were really struggling and if we would have them, they would like us to parent their kids. It was a total God thing how these kids came into our home in the first place, so without hesitation we said yes….with some stricter guidelines. There were some things we did well last summer and some things we didn’t do well, and so this was our chance to do it differently. One being we didn’t want to bring them back into our home until we had custody. Which we have filled for we are just waiting on a court date. So enter yesterday…..got a call from the social worker and she thinks it would be best and look the best to get the kids into our home as soon as possible to show they are doing well, even before the court date…..enter the sentence, every day is different…..so…..our kids are moving in this Saturday! HahaWhoever said life with Jesus was boring, was not truly walking with Him! Haha Shew, what a ride we are on. 

I have had several people asking me how I’m doing with all of this (last summer going from 2 to 4 kids was a BIT overwhelming for me to say the least), so how I am …well....would you think I was crazy if I said….excited?? I think in God’s grace he has allowed me to forget the "trauma" of last summer...Like I remember there being rough patches with the oldest, but I don't remember the really bad stuff I don't think. Because when people are asking how I am, they are asking me that question in a way that makes me think they are thinking "oh man how long till the looney bin" or makes me think "Should I be bad?? Maybe I should be in a really bad place right now?".....and that is OK and totally understandable! I was a mess last summer so I get the questions. I just think in Gods graciousness he has given me a love for these kids that is different this time. They aren’t "visitors" this time, they are "our kids" and will be for good. They are here for good this time, no more back and forth, we have them here, we have them there, we do, we don't, we do, we don't kind of thing. There will bestructure and these are our kids.....and I’m excited for that. I'm excited to watch the oldest start to bloom and become a little lady that is soft and kind and not codependent. I am excited to see our boy laugh again to smile, to feel and be loved, well. I'm excited for another chance to do this the right way and not just be hardly keeping my head above water, but to do it well and walk on the water with Jesus this time.  Here we go!