Creating Ishmael

Are you creating an Ishmael?

This question was posed to me tonight at Truthworks. We went over Galations 4:21 - 5:26 tonight. (I encourage you to read it, its great!) The passage of scripture is talking about Abraham & Sarah's story. And we all know the story, God promised them they would have a child & become a great nation...and when it wasn't done in their time they took matters into their own hands. So Abraham has Ishmael with Hagar the maidservant. So long story short: Hagar = Law (slavery) Sarah = Promise (Freedom).

In Galations 4:28 Paul is showing them that the scripture says to get rid of the slave woman and her son, for the slave woman will never share in the inheritance with the free womans son. And that we are not children of the slave woman but of the free woman. He continues into chapter 5 to say do not let yourselves be burdened again by the yoke of slavery.....Paul says you were running a good race, who cut in on you and kept you from obeying the truth? He continues to show you what living under slavery looks like and what living under Gods freedom looks like. He tells us of the fruits of the spirit. Then in Galations 5:24-26, he says that those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature (slavery) with its passions and desires (sin we fall into).

So that brings me to my life.....it got me thinking, and its true.
I created an Ishmael.

I have been living under slavery. Under the Law.
God has shown me this week that Grace is what God does for us, that we can't do for ourselves.

He also showed me in Galations that I can't make the fruit grow in me. God has to give me the fruit. If I keep on trying to grow it myself, I will keep returning to the Law.

He has shown me I need to work on creating an Isaac (letting God be in control) and stop creating Ishmael's (Things I take into my own hands).
I think the reason I stay under the law is because its familiar. I know what it looks like. I don't know what TOTAL dependence on Christ looks like. I don't. So lets say I say the words: "I surrender Lord", I have NO CLUE what that looks like. What does a surrendered life even look like? How do I lay the things I hold onto down and walk away?

How do I create an Isaac & not an Ishmael??

Perfect in Power

So there has been some time that has pasted since my last post. Time that has found me yet again in another place in my life. I have discovered a truth that has really hurt the core of who I am. My heart is far from the one thing I need and love the most. I heard recently about the idea of practical atheism. Its like I know that there is a God and I want to do the things he wants me to do, yet I don't live like there is a God. Motivations at the end of the day are about me, and what I need and what I want, what I'm entitled to. Its all just disheartening you know? There is this God who time and time again has given me the things I've asked. prove yourself I say, and he does it. Show me this one thing & I'll be yours. He does it, and yet I find my heart in a far off distant place. Practical Atheism. I'm living like he practically exists. How painful this feels. I was just broken tonight thinking about how I have done this. Over and over and over, and yet...I'm still worth something to him. My heart is so divided and not in love with Him, and I really choose to love 'sin' more than him, and yet....he still longs to know me and love me, to pick me up when I fall. How is this possible? How am I still worth something, when my eyes are so attracted to things TOTALLY opposite of goodness? How am I worth something when my heart is choosing to not love you? How am I still worth something when I chose myself DAILY over you?
I'm speechless.
You are far greater than my understanding, perfect in power, matchless in glory, you are the brilliant creator, friend of mine.
you have my attention. Now I'm working on giving you my heart.