2008

Its been a while huh?!? There has been a lot going on, obviously! The biggest thing is that my computer broke! So that has been the main reason for my absense....well pretty much the only reason. I've not had the time I used to have to just sit down with my thoughts and type them out, often wondering if there is a soul out there who even hears this.
My heart is heavy today. There is so much change around me lately and with growing up. I sometimes feel like I am spinning around so fast that I can't get my eyes to stop and focus. It seems like there are things happening and changes being made that just are hard to deal with and so subconsiously I don't allow myself to stop and focus, because if I did focus, I may see something that potentially could hurt me if I let it in and too close to my heart. So as a coping mechanism I just keep on spinning. I keep the forground blurry. I guess there is just too much risk involved in starting to focus.
An example would be, I feel like I jump from friend to friend. I feel like I get bored or something and then pick another friend to get close to. its weird. Its not how I want it! In fact I wish I had one friend, that I was with all the time and that is who I hung out with. I guess I just havent' found that one person that I connect 100% with. I do have one friend and she is in IL so that doesn't help me any. I'm just having a rough day I guess. I wish I were happy all the time like I used to be. When did that change? And why does that change. I guess you just get so much of life that it all just stops being funny.