30

I turned 30 his month. Its been kind of scary and fun, but more scary. Things are different these days. Life is different. Twenties were so fun and wild and exciting and new, and now lately I feel like life has been....well...kind of boring. I guess. I don't know what I expect. I guess I just miss the wild days....not wild in a bad way, but just in a way that was friends all the time, fun all the time, staying up late, beginning this independent thing....starting a career. It was brand new and exciting. Now I kind of don't feel like i can let loose. I don't know why but I'm reserved. I don't like being reserved. I like being wild, and loud, and fun, and I love laughing, and I don't feel like I laugh these days. You know, those good gut wrenching laughs, where there was no care in the world, just having fun was your main goal. I loved those days. I need those days back.
I need to get back to that life. I think life is hard, and that things are heavy, and its taking its toll. I guess my next goals it to learn how to not let it take its toll on me. How do I move into this new phase with out missing the old? Thats hard.
I'm going to figure it out though. I have to.

A Work in Progress

Wow! So over this past year, I have been in the deepest darkest places in my heart & also on the highest of highs in my heart! The only answer is that God is alive & living in me! He is in charge of the change in my life & the way my heart is beating and growing more & more in love with him! thats not to say that its not come with super hard times. this has been he most rewarding year of my life, as well as the most painful. In the end, my greatest hope is that he will be more evident in my life & that I would have a chance to pay forward what i've learned to someone else! I believe he answered that today. I got this complement:

BTW... I'm so blown away by you! I loved seeing your name with all your girls on that Tuesday night CSE... you totally caught what I was saying and invited your kids to hang out. The other girl who signed up with you guys is the girl who accepted Christ on Sunday. Keep it up... one day not long from now we'll have students coming back to serve because of the influence you were in their life, and they want to be that for someone else.

WOW! that is all I can say. God did this. he made the changes in my heart & in my life & has made a love for high school students grow. I didn't think that was possible again! ha! I can only give the credit to Him, and say I am forever grateful for the small chance that I can be the hands & feet of Jesus to these girls!
So wow! Way to go GOD! You did it! You are a life changer & people are coming to you & noticing! I am forever yours!