To Honor Him

Please hear my heart in this…for those of you who read this…this is not “normal” for me to write about eating/weight etc….its a private issue to me & still a very large place of insecurity for me….its taking a lot for me to get this even into blogger because I don’t want to share it. Please know my heart in this as I share with you. I would like to invite you into the journey that God has been taking me on…I’ve not really known how to share it without feeling conceited, puffed up, arrogant, or like I think “I’m all that” because Lord knows this child has a lot of work to do still. And in no way feel perfect & still struggle, sometimes daily, with my weight & how I look….but I wanted to share the heart of this & give God the glory for what he does in lives. He changes people from the inside out. I only hope I give him the Honor & recognition He deserves….so with that; here is an email I received from a friend & my response. I am just going to let you read it….

Email from friend:
On a separate note... I have wanted to ask for sometime how it is that you stay so fit? What has been your weight loss "secret"? How do you find the energy to work out? Lots of prayer??? I need to make some big changes. I am so sick of looking at me like this and feeling so blahhhh. I just look at you and see such transformation and health! You look beautiful! I wish I could have looked so good after I had kids.

My response:
And…oh dear sweet friend….I’ve never been categorized as “fit” you’re so sweet. This has been a really long journey with the Lord…In January 2004 I was at a leadership conference at blue ridge & they were asking us what we were willing to give up…and as you know this point in my life I’ve always struggled with weight, always. So as I sat at the conference praying….I said Lord, you know me, you know my heart I will go anywhere/do anything for you, just ask…I’m there.
So he kindly responded with…give me your weight.
I was like ugh…what?? He proceeded to show me how I was not honoring him with ALL of me, & by how I treated my body. I was overweight, didn’t care what I ate, was rebelling b/c I didn’t want to be one of those girls that “obsessed” about their weight…so I just was heading in a downward (well upward on the scale) cycle.
So from that point on, I joined the gym…I started a mission that day to live the rest of my days by honoring him with “ALL” of me. I would pray every morning that what I put in my mouth was honoring to him. It wasn’t about the size I was, the number on the scale or what I looked like in a swim suit, it was about, at the end of the day, could I say…Lord I honored you with all of me today!
And if I messed up, I would get back up, dust my knees off, and try again the next day.
So it’s just been a journey of that for the past 7 years…just trying to honor him with all of me. There were little motivators in there too like, I’m watching pretty much my entire family get type 2 diabetes because they are so overweight. I REFUSE to kill myself in that fashion. (or at all! Haha) Its just like a drug addiction, except their drug of choice is food. I refuse to live that way & allow my body to control me. I control me.
So the “how”…..
I am able to maintain this with a LOT of scripture meditation about how we are not to be a slave to self, and self control, be disciplined & everything else in between…the Lord has really been gracious to me. He has changed my paradigm from “I need to look a certain way” to “how can I honor you with my WHOLE body today Lord”…and just remaining close to that. I totally think it’s a spiritual issue as well as a physical issue.
And yes…it takes work. I don’t sit back & eat Twinkies & the weight comes off.
I get up and work out, yes, at 4:30am most days…..which literally stinks so bad…and means I have to go to bed earlier than I would like to, which takes away time from Jer. But isn’t it worth it to say Lord I honor you & chose to in this way too?
So yeah…I work out 5 times a week (some weeks are less…last week was only 4 times), and then I (try) to eat healthy too. I was letting things get back out of control over the past few months, so I really felt like it was time to tighten up again…so for the whole month of January, I’m not eating “breads”, like bread, pastas, desserts etc…b/c that is my weakness. I get so out of control with that stuff, so I needed to put it back under my feet & gain some control back.
So yes…its super hard, and takes discipline & prayer….but if you really give it over to the Lord, he will give you the “want to” & show you what is best for you. Maybe working out at 4:30 am is not what works best for you; maybe it’s night time….night time does not work for me.
So yeah….sorry as you can tell I’m super passionate about it…its so much more than looking a certain way. & I hope you hear my heart in that. I want God to get the glory for how he’s changed me…its only b/c of him. I never imagined I could get up that early…and work out?? haha yeah right. But look at me, been doing it for two years now! That can only be God!!