Dear Dad,
I have been thinking, and I have known I needed to write you a letter to express my heart, but for obvious reasons haven’t wanted to face this and have been in denial. But I thought it was time to pull it together to share with you some of the fond memories I have of you and what I remember growing up.
I think some of my very first memories started in that apartment in Cheyenne. I can’t even remember how old I was, but I so clearly remember the day when you ran in with your hair permed. Haha we talked about this the last time I was there, but I just remember you running in, covering your head, and spending time in the shower scrubbing the chemical out! So funny.
Around that same time I remember, you me and Jeremiah riding in the car together and you were being silly and you said you were “sleeping while driving.” You had one eye shut and I just remember being so amazed at how you were able to drive “with your eyes closed!!” I remember feeling “wow, my dad is cool! How does he DO that!!?”
Other memories from Cheyenne were….I think we had a membership or just went to an indoor pool and one of my favorite memories of you was when you would play “shark” with me in the baby pool! Haha I remember screaming and trying as fast as I could to get away from you before you “ate” me. What fun, I loved that and had so much fun doing that with you.
I remember going to the baseball fields when you and mom were on a team with the church and watching you play, you loved it. I still remember you smiling and laughing.
I remember times at Harvest Time, even before the new building was built. We were in the older section & I remember being held by you in one of the services and remember you and mom singing praise songs. One thing growing up, that I used to be –a little embarrassed by—was that I didn’t have this “major life story.” One that was for the movies or some traumatic, dramatized, damaged story where you came to Christ and life was TOTALLY different. My story starts with, “I was born and raised in a Christian family….” And in my college years I really held onto that start of my story with pride! I am SO proud that I was born and raised in a Christian family. I am so glad my life didn’t have drama, or trauma, or something super tragically painful. I am so proud that my parents were following Christ and invited me into that journey as well. Its one area I take pride in with my girls—they GET to be born and raised in a Christian home….that doesn’t happen much anymore. So thank you. That is the best gift you could ever have given me, and now to my girls. Ok…back to the memories….
I remember the old house on VanBuren—specifically I remember when we would watch The Wizard of Oz, anytime that mean wicked witch came on the screen, I remember running into your arms and new I was protected and was consoled. She terrified me.
I remember times at dinner when I was in 1st grade and I would tell you stories of how I beat 5th graders at tetherball and how you would give me pointers on how to hit it so it would go over their heads—and it worked!! I rocked at tetherball!
Then I remember the decision to move to Denver. I was so scared. I didn’t want to leave Cheyenne, and my friends, and what I knew. But we did it, and I know I was young, but I never regretted it.
In my story I say Denver is “where I grew up,” and it was. I was 10, and lived there till I was 21…I did a lot of growing up there.I remember the times you would come in our beds to wake us up and you would put your hands on our chests and shake us and tickle us. I loved and hated that! Haha but you know what—I do that to my girls now too!
I remember going to the restaurants you managed and was so proud that you were my dad. I remember being impressed that you lead people, and you lead them well.
I remember times when you would sit down with me and I had questions about the bible—you would always take time to answer those for me, and I so appreciated that time. I looked (and still do) up to you so much because of the knowledge you had of the bible. I remember saying all the time, “My dad says in the bible….” Or “My dad told me about this story in the bible….” That made a huge impact on me.
There were times when I was 7 or 8 and I remember so vividly going through a stage where I was terrified you and mom were going to die. I remember in the middle of the night coming into your room and you would just talk me through it, and comfort me. You always pointed it back to God and said to pray and ask God to take that fear from me, when I start feeling that way, and he did. But I loved that I could come into your room and you didn’t get mad or put off by me, but were there to comfort me.
One of my most favorite memories of junior high, and a story I STILL tell often was: I remember coming into your room with my pants tight rolled at the bottom. You said to me, “Janna why do you wear your pants like that, you know its going to go out of style, right??” I remember the SHOCK and HORROR I felt when you said that and I whipped my head around and said, “DAD!!! This will NEVER go out of style!” hahaha I still crack up at that. Sure enough when I went to high school, the first day of 9th grade, I saw all the upper classmen did not have their pants tight rolled…..QUICKLY I took the rolls out and have not done it since! Haha I love that story. “DAD! This will never go out of style!!!!” Haha oh youth, right?
I remember times when I was sitting at the table doing math homework and I was so frustrated. You came over, took time to help me and we figured it out together. I so appreciate times like that.
I even remember times when you had to discipline us, even in that, spanks were controlled, methodical, and lovingly done. I never once questioned your love for me—even in that.
There are so many memories of me coming to you for advice, and really listening to your wisdom. Almost everything I did was—I wonder what my dad would think.
What memories.
Then the memories of calling and saying, “Hey Mom, Hey Dad….I’m moving to Virginia…..” and you know, that was the moment where all the training, all the teaching, and the guidanceyou guys gave had come to ahead. You raised a good girl. You raised a girl that is more in love with Jesus now, than she ever has been. You raised a girl that is running hard toward Him, and delights in obeying Him. You raised a girl that was confident enough to know that it was more than a flippant decision to move across the country—it was a girl grounded in her faith, who trusted the unknown, because she was confident her God was with her—wherever she went. That says a lot about your character Dad.
Then come the memories of the wedding day, and the first baby, then the 2nd baby, then the holiday memories, and vacationmemories. I am so glad you are my Dad. You were handpickedfor ME! God knew I would need you in my life, he knew I would need to see the example of someone in the word, reading and learning more about who God is. God knew I would need a Dad that comforts yet had fun with us. God knew I would need a Dad that was so crafty with his hands and can make or fix just about anything. God knew I would need a Dad that was sensitive, and caring. God knew I would need a Dad that would walk out a terminal illness well. It’s a hard place to be right now. I am overwhelmed with waves of emotion as I think….the time is coming….then on the other hand I’m so excited for you Dad. All that training all that guidance all that knowledge—will soon become a reality. Its hard to grieve that. Its hard to want you to stay when we know what is coming—a new body, perfected, no pain, no illness, basking in the glory that is the One who Created all. And I get excited for you.
Its not over Dad, you are still here, I am praying you live every day you have to the fullest. I pray you would leave not one thing unsaid or undone. I pray you would press in like never before and lean into the one who made you, crafted, & created you. He’s not done with you yet, there is more to come, but for now; most of all, I pray you bask in the reality of the legacy you are leaving behind. Its been a good life—a full, rewarding, fun, life. You have taught all of us so much, and every season you have been in, you have left your personal mark on the people you have encountered. You are leaving a legacy that is being carried down to my girls, and prayerfully to their kids, then to their kids…..on and on. All because you CHOSE to live your life grounded and rooted in the Truth. That is a legacy I PRAY I leave as well.
You are so loved, and so special. You are perfectly & purposefully made.
I love you so so much Dad. ❤️
Janna
