Footing

A week or so ago I went to a leadership conference called Catalyst. This has been a conference that has shaped me and my husband’s leadership and obedience in following Christ. This was year 14 that we have attended and as you can surmise, it has been very pivotal in our lives. This year was no different. There were a lot of “gold nuggets” I will carry with me from this year. All of the talks spoke directly to my heart, but there was one talk that stood out the most to me. It was the first talk, given by Andy Stanley.  The passage of scripture he was talking about was Matthew 6:24-34, and he specifically narrowed in on v. 33 “But seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” He went on to explain that the above verses on don’t serve two masters, and on worry, and things that don’t matter aren’t possible until you SEEK HIM FIRST…because if we seek God first, as our master of our lives, all the other things will just fall into place….and what I realized was this…..

I have been trying to articulate it like this—when I was at the beach a few weeks ago, I got caught in a wave that kept spinning me around and around. I could not find my footing! I was started to get really scared because my air was running out and so quickly in my mind I said “LORD HELP!” Immediately I found my footing! Wouldn’t you know, when I stood up I was standing in thigh high water, that is it…….God  used this picture to show me this is how I have been feeling for a while now.

A quick back story, there were some pretty significant things that have happened in my life this past year & ½. Including some roles I was playing that ended abruptly. Not in a bad way, just a change of direction, but what that change did was….it left me feeling like I was at the beach; caught up in a wave that is just tossing me around and around and around. It has been disorienting, I have felt lost and I have felt confused. I have lost stability in certain friendships, (purely due to season of life) but life has just felt so up in the air I haven’t been able to find my footing.

Then what God showed me through Andy’s talk was a “find my footing” moment. This moment happened when I realized that haven’t found my footing in life again because I have stopped asking for His help. I have felt so lost, confused, unsure and just like what the heck am I doing on this planet---that I stopped asking God for help.

He showed me that I haven’t found my footing because I haven’t been seeking Him first. I’ve been too afraid to be rejected or too afraid that he would lead me to something just to take it away again. So I just allowed the waves of life to put me into a spin cycle. Cycling around and around again for the past year and ½.

What a sad life. I mean seriously. The only reason I haven’t found my footing again is because I haven’t asked him for it? Oh foolish Israelite am I.

SO I am asking for footing again. I am in my closet (literally) asking him to show me what he has for me. If the answer is to keep doing I’ve been doing, then I will ask, “Ok God, how can I do it with 100% effort and zeal that you ask me to” ---and I will search how to not get complacent and feel like “this is all life is.” I will choose to be content with this position in the here and now.

You see the Lord never promises that life will work out just like we hope it will. He never promises that we will always feel successful and fulfilled at all times. But what the does promise is what is found in John 15:5, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”

I don’t want to waste one more day spinning around in a wave. I want to seek him, remain in Him, know Him and stay close to Him, and as I do – I will bear much fruit. He says it is so.

The Crushing

Oh that I would be brave enough to stand.
Ever have those seasons when you feel as if you are being crushed under the weight of a big wave? Feeling lost, spinning around, gasping for air; unsure if you will ever find your footing?  That's were I have been these past 2 years. Life has thrown some major "ocean waves" at me. To the outside eye life would seem normal and nothing that can't be "handled" on a daily basis; or so goes the assumption in my head of what an outsider sees.
To the outsider life may seem good and easy and fun. But what has been inside my world has left me grasping for air, wondering if I will ever find my footing again. Fear and the temptation to give into hurt knock at my door constantly. Wondering where I fit in because, in this current season, it has felt as if all the areas of security that I once had known, have also been shaken up and jostled by their own waves of life. Nothing stable. Nothing secure. Tossing, wrestling, spinning, creating chaos has been the anthem for these past 18 months. This crushing has not been isolated just to me either. Its all around me.
Because of that, I am not quite sure how to find my footing again.
I am however, not lost at sea and for that I am grateful.
I am on the shore of life, in the break and wave after wave has won and rendered me useless. Only until I can stop, stay calm, and simply ask the Lord to help me find my footing again, will I truly be able to stand again.
Oh that I would be brave enough to stand.
To stand would mean to accept a new normal. To stand would be to say goodbye to years in the past. To stand would mean to admit defeat; to acknowledge that I have allowed these waves to crush me. One by one, over and over, they came. I wasn't aware of the spin cycle they threw me in to, but now I see it.
To stop spinning would mean bravery for a new beginning.
Oh that I would be brave enough to stand.