Never Forget....

So these past 5 years have been a journey for me we'll say....The Lord really has just grabbed hold of my heart in many areas. One of which I'd like to talk about with you now. About 7 years ago in Jan. of 2004, I was at a leadership conference. They were talking about how we should open all of our hearts to God & let him take control of all of us. Well...that has always been easy for me...sure God. I will go where you want, I will do what you want, you name it, I'm there. But the Lord had another plan for me. As i sat there praying that day to ask what areas I needed to hand over to him, he told me "give me your weight." I was like what? Hold on, you can have every other area but that one. I keep that. Then he said "you want to do anything for me, you say you'd do anything, go anywhere, but yet you won't even start with you? Give me ALL of you." At that moment I knew my life was not my own. I knew much pain & sacrifice was to follow. And five years later & 30lbs lighter, I am in a constant state of trying to honor God with ALL of me. Inside & out. Its hard I will say. I do NOT succeed at it everyday! sometimes I have whole weeks of messing up. but he is so gracious to forgive & pick me right back up. I love that about my Father. He is there and when we get tripped up he reaches back to give us a hand up. He truly is a gentleman!
I write all this today to say, this is a marker for me. I found an old picture. The old me. I am different now. I have been changed, and am still changing from the inside out. But in this whole process I never want to forget where I came from. I never what to forget what I looked like or how I felt. For me it is a huge reminder of how far the Lord has brought me.
So here is to pressing on, moving forward, pushing harder and harder into Christ & trying to live the life HE has for me!

I never want myself to get in the way of us.

This morning I was reading the word, and for a few months this statement hasn't been true for me. I have let myself get in the way of my walk with the Lord. Just making excuses, and not making time with Him. I realized that any distance created between us is because I've let myself get in the way of us. How sad. I never want myself to get in the way. I often find myself fighting thoughts, and urges. one big urge for me is the need to be validated. I get real down on myself if I'm not finding validation in other people. That is not OK. I get the most desperate when I've not spent enough time with the Lord. I will make this change. I have to. in order to survive. I must. ♥

Why I do it.

There is little to no reward really in helping out in the youth group Sunday after Sunday. Or so I was beginning to think. Thoughts of, is this REALLY making any difference? Am I really serving in the right area? I have no clue how God will change these hearts for him. We are working from such a deficit! This are thoughts that would fill my heart & mind some Sundays as I would walk into the youth room. Then days like today & day like last Monday happen.
Last Monday, I went to the Baptism interviews like I normally do. This time I was partnered with 2 high school girls that I'd never met before. As we talked I started to discern that these two girls did not yet know the Lord. So as I showed them the bridge & they said they wanted a relationship with the Lord, I prayed with them & two souls were written in the Book of Life! Amazing! All because God allowed me to be a part of their night!
And tonight, I get an email from one of my High School friends...here is what she wrote:

hey Janna!♥
i wanted you to know that the book you gave me Sunday helps me on my spiritual journey. it made a great connection yesterday!
yesterdays was: "Taking the initiative against depression"
It's February 17th. "Depression tends to turn us away from the everyday things of God's creation. But whenever God steps in, His inspiration is to do the most natural, simple things--things we would never have imagined God was in, but as we do them we find Him there.
it connected to my life in so many ways and brightened my day, like you! (:

hope you feel better. and thanks for all you do.
love ya

Yeah wow! So if this past 2 weeks haven't been confirmation enough I don't know what is! Thank you Lord for confirming that for me! I am honored & humbled to be your servant!