Double Whammy

Well today its official: I am back at work, off of maternity leave.
And
Jeremy left for a week long missions trip to Nicaragua.

I took Jeremy & four others to the airport this morning at 4a.m. so they could board their plane. I always play these things kind of tough. I never wanted to be that wife that can't sleep with out her husband, or couldn't function if he is away...and while I most certainly CAN sleep with him gone, and I for sure am able to function fine...my heart still is sad. I don't like being with out him. I love being around him, and having him to come home to each night...its what makes my life fun.
So to send him off is hard, almost every time, but makes the return that much sweeter!

And the double whammy part of this day comes in that, I started back to work today. No more snuggle time with Ella 24/7. This also makes my heart sad. So this morning as I was getting ready I had a couple break downs....the biggest one being right AFTER I put on my make up. awe.some. haha Gotta love that.
But I got to work & was actually able to talk with Jeremy quite a bit today because he was traveling & still in the States till about 4pm...so that was good. Then I did the work thing...and I tell ya...if I didn't love my job I would not be back at work. The people are fantastic and this job just suits me. I love it. So that helped being back today...I'm sure once I'm all settled back in it will hit me & I'll have some rough days...but all in all it was a great day.

Until I got home....
Seeing Ella was so sad. It reminded me that I hadn't been with her all day. My heart ached. Jeremy's Mom, Tawna, is here & so I stuffed it until I got upstairs to change out of work clothes...and as I held Ella....I lost it. My heart hurts that I can't be with her everyday. I know its for the best that I go back to work & we need my insurance...but man it wasn't with out tears.

So I'm hoping each day brings a little less ache & that I'm just able to cherish & drink in the moments we do get with each other...even if it is only four hours a day. :(