A lot like Peter

These past few months, when I describe how I have been doing to people when asked, it usually goes something like, "When I am focused on the Lord I am good, but when I take my eyes off him I just get frantic & panicky. I feel out of control & fearful."
I am a person that likes my schedule & routine. I need time by myself. Not a lot of time, but just enough so I can recharge & refuel. My husband refuels by being around people. Not me. I like people yes, but I need that alone time too. So the past new weeks I have been just finding myself in this frantic state. If you could picture it, it would look a lot like someone in a swimming pool that doesn't know how to swim & their arms are flailing about. I just feel out of sorts. So I made a very intentional effort to get out of bed, even on little sleep, to spend time with the Lord. Which if it gets past 7am, my opportunity for this alone time is shot, so I have to get up early if I want this time.
The Lord is sure funny how he does things. He brought me to the passage in Matthew 14:22-33. If you have time read it to give the full context of what I'm referring to. You are probably familiar with this passage, but if you aren't, Jesus walks on water to the boat where His disciples are. It says it was during the fourth watch of the night, so after some research, that meant it was between the hours of 3am - 6am. Jesus came walking out to them on the water. It also says it was very windy. So picture it...you are asleep, or at least in a foggy eyed state from it being so early in the morning, to which I'm assuming they didn't sleep much....you see this man walking on water, all the while the wind & waves are doing their crazy thing. Um freaky. Yes. So in verse 26 when it says, "When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost" they said, and cried out in fear." you can imagine why they responded this way.
As sweetly as he always does, Jesus says, "Take courage! it is I. Don't be afraid." Then comes my favorite part, and the part that resonates the most with me.

²⁸ “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
²⁹ “Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. ³⁰ But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
³¹ Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
³² And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. ³³ Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God."

I love this. I love that God gave this picture to me, because this is exactly how I am. I say ok Lord, do this. If you want "this" to happen do it. Whatever the "this" is in that moment, I say ok do it Lord. So he does....and just like Peter I walk out, but then I take a look at my surroundings & freak out & start to get all panicky & become that flailing swimmer! Time & time again, Jesus reaches out his hand & catches me, and reminds me how little my faith really is.

This adoption has been a true test of my faith again. Little by little & with each thing he brings me through, my faith is a bit more strengthened & I can walk in confidence knowing he is there. BUT I have to keep my eyes focused on him. Looking him straight in the eye, not at my feet or to the sides, but straight at him, and all the rest calms down. 
So thankful for this example of Peter. 
We go to court tomorrow to gain guardianship of Alivia. 
My oh my how this is going to come in handy. Good reminder & timing Lord! ♥!