Jealousy

Jealousy is ugly.
I think jealousy is the one thing that hurts me the deepest. I just was told by someone that they are jealous of me. This is not the first time in my life that this has happened either. Each time it does happen though, a part of me just wants to curl up in a corner & weep. If I am allowed to hate something, I hate jealousy. I hate it. Deeply. It hurts so much, it destroys so much, it makes you just dark & icky. It consumes. It devastates. It ruins friendships. It divides. It hinders your walk with God. There is nothing good about it. I wish I could say when someone is jealous of me, that it is just no skin off my back and I keep on moving, but honestly it hurts me deeply. I feel a lot, too much I think, and so when times like this happen my heart is just hurt.
I don't know why people have to be jealous. I do know that there is that ugly little demon in each of us, but when we take a step outside of ourselves, we will see that its nothing but a focus of self.

Yikes, look what James says about it:

James 3:14-15 But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic.

James 3:16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.

James 4:1-2 What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? 2 You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask.

Rather...we should be loving, patient, kind, not envious or boastful, not arrogant or rude, and most of all, not insist on our own way.

1Corinthians 3:3-5 for you are still of the flesh. For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way? 4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it his not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful

God has been teaching me a lot these past few months, and I think the difference in this go around of being the recipient of someones jealousy, is I am handling it differently. Instead of getting my feelings so deeply hurt, or it totally crushing me, I am reminded that this is not about me. By letting this effect me & make me cower in a corner and weep, is making this all about me. Its not about me. Its a battle that is raging within this person, who has selfish ambition in their heart. They are not loving me, or being kind...and that's OK. How they act is not going to determine how I respond. I will pray for their heart, I will love them deeply, I will be kind, I will not be rude, and I will lay down my 'feelings' of hurt, and be the hands and feet of Jesus to them. Most of all I will keep my eyes focused on my Jesus, who is the best example of all of these things when my flesh so wants to act differently.

In perfect timing my friend Amanda posted this on her fb wall, what a comfort to my heart. ♥

Psalm 36:5-10 New International Version (NIV)

⁵ Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens,
your faithfulness to the skies.
⁶ Your righteousness is like the highest mountains,
your justice like the great deep.
You, Lord, preserve both people and animals.
⁷ How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!
People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.
⁸ They feast on the abundance of your house;
you give them drink from your river of delights.
⁹ For with you is the fountain of life;
in your light we see light.

¹⁰ Continue your love to those who know you,
your righteousness to the upright in heart.