Oceans

I was at a women's leader retreat this weekend and we sang the Song Oceans by Hillsong United, and I can not get this song out of my mind. These lyrics are just almost haunting me...replaying over and over in my head.... 

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

Lead me where my trust is without borders....
I think about how hard it is to fully trust. Sure you give people small amounts of your trust, but there are always walls up with it right? Maybe that's just me. :) But you know what I mean....there are very FEW people I trust without borders in my life. Just open air nothing but just pure trust, I always tend to stay a little guarded. So to trust without borders...phew that's a huge amount of trust. 

Let me walk upon the waters....
I think about Peter & how Jesus called him out upon the water....can you imagine if that were you? If that were me...oh my word....just the amount of fear number one that abounds, then the amount of trust to actually put your foot over the side of the boat to start to walk on it??? Um....that again, is a huge amount of trust. 

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander...
This is a scary one too because its kind of left wide open. Like what does this even mean? Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander? So ok if I went literal...going deep into something...I think about a cave. Um no thanks. Its dark and scary. It is a tight confined space. There are bugs, there are bats, there is the unknown. My feet don't wander anywhere there isn't a path that I can see. 

So I think about those three things, lead me where my trust is without borders, walk upon the waters, deeper than my feet could ever wander, and then the point of it all....so that...

My faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior....
And then I want that. 
It calls me, it hits me, and haunts me. I want to have faith that is so strong in the presence of my Savior. I want to know Him deeply, so deep that my trust has no borders with Him-->ever. That if he says come walk on the water I say, "OK, I'm coming!" with no hesitation. And if he wants to take me deeper into dark scary places, the unknown, the deep gross mess of life with others...I say, "Yes Lord, I will go." 

Then it overwhelms me. I get scared, and want to pull back and just say ok slow it down here a minute this is out of my control and I am feeling uneasy...then these lyrics...

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

His grace abounds in deepest waters. Grace is unmerited favor. His grace abounds when I'm standing out there on the water, and I am trusting without borders; wide open and vulnerable.  His sovereign hand is my guide leading me...and then where my feet may fall and fear surrounds, because with me these two things are inevitable. What does it say?...

You've never failed and you won't start now. 
Amazing. 

He has never failed me. Ever. He hasn't. I look back over my life and if I try to think up areas where He has failed me, I can't think of one. His plan doesn't always look like mine, but that is not Him failing me. 
So then why is it so hard still to trust without borders, walk upon the water, and go deeper than my feet could ever wander? 

And then I want it again, and pray:  
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior ♥