Held

Have you ever been in those seasons of life that are hard, but without a shadow of a doubt you knew you were being held by the creator of the universe? We are entering week 4 of having two extra kids in our home, and without a shadow of a doubt it has been the most challenging thing I've ever done. Ever. Keep in mind I'm a wimp, and from a Leave It to Beaver type family dynamic so this has rocked my little type A personality a little bit. Needing a plan, having structure, being orderly, and on time has been thrown by the wayside. There are days I feel like I'm in the ocean treading water and all that is showing is my face enough for breath. From sibling style arguments, from messes that would shock anyone, to the 2-3 laundry loads I do in a day (yes! in a day! who uses THAT much stuff to be washed, right??), to being a counselor, to being a manager of good manners, to wiping tears, to reading books, and becoming a waitress. This past week the treading water, face gasping for air was diminished by His church; our core group. I have never in my life felt more held by my Heavenly Father. I was suppose to attend my women's small group one Saturday morning, and it was my only morning that I was able to sleep in (which is 7am), so I kindly bowed out and said I was not going to make it. Well His church, the body of Christ, what did they do? They rallied together and brought us breakfast! Not just a small breakfast either, I mean it was waffles, fresh fruit, juice, eggs, bacon! The works! It was amazing! Then this past week we have been feeling the financial strain of bringing two more mouths into our home. Mouths that actually eat! haha! Our girls are still in birdie stage and don't eat much, but these sweet kiddos are growing & they EAT! haha So we have a very strict budget that we follow (Thank you Dave Ramsey!), and we had gone through four weeks of food money in three weeks! Yes we have savings so we knew we would be ok, but do you know what His church, the body of Christ, our core group of friends, who are our family out  here, did? We were out all day yesterday and came home to a completely stocked refrigerator, stocked full freezer, stocked full pantry, and beautiful roses (my favorite) on the table with a note. I wept. I had no words, I just needed to weep. Held. I felt so completely held and loved by my Father who loves me, and cares for me, and knows me! He uses people to bless and to encourage, and to spur on. He is amazing. I have felt Him so much this past week in conversations that I KNEW were directly for me and my heart. I have felt Him in the new high school student I met today…who had the exact same story as Brooklyn and Brock. She was 8 & her brother was 4 when they came to the family who eventually adopted them. I wept. In front of my new friend that I just met who was a student and instead of me leading her, she was leading me. Held. My God is sweet to me and loves me in ways I had no clue he would love me. This week my treading, face hardly out of the water has turned into floating on top of the water with His hand on my back, being Held. I love Him, and am so honored that I get to walk this life out with him.

Life with the Wilkinson's

Life with the Wilkinson's looks a little different these days. Ok a lot different. We recently took in a sibling group (Brooklyn -8 & Brock -3) into our home. The set up was to be Sunday night through Thursday night & they would go back to mom for the weekend. Without going into too much detail they are with us this weekend too. :) We love how God has sent us the kids that he feels need to be in our home, and we are just walking each step out as it comes. Saying yes to Him has become our anthem. These past few weeks have not been pretty at times though. Yes, we have had some really fun times, but what people don't see are the breakdowns. The questions, why is my mom going out of town when she could be with us, questions. The cries and tears, the yells of when is Mommy coming to get me? Last Thursday as I fumbled myself through a conversation with Brooklyn trying to help her understand why she was here at our house….I found myself gasping for breath. I did my best to get through the conversation, but as I made my way to my room and shut the door behind me, I fell to my knees and just wept. My heart is broken in two for these kids, and have found myself falling for them. The self-protection side has kicked in too knowing they may not be with us after this summer. That in itself will be a whole new punch to the stomach, I'm sure of it.
These are good good kids, and I love watching how God has fashioned each one of them to land in this tiny two bedroom town home with us. Nov. 9th we said yes to foster care, and June 9th we intercepted two kids about to enter the system. He is a good God, and even through my protests of "Yes Lord I prayed for kids, but only two of them" He had a different plan. He has and is writing a story through these kids lives, and I can't wait to watch it unfold. We don't make plans past the day we are living in, because we don't really know. The only thing I really am planning is how on earth we are going to feed two more mouths! haha! These kids eat! Wasn't ready for that, but we are are on a budget and we used 4 weeks of food money in 3 weeks!! Hahah Shew! My two little ones are still in the "we hardly eat" stage, so we didn't really see a dent in our budget, but these other two eat! But you know in all of this, all the way back down to my first, Ella, he has made a way. All we have really "had to do" is say yes. So because of all the practice we have had to had saying yes, and watching him follow through; the whole food budget thing I know will be provided for as well. I love that He knows me so well, and knows all need those marker moments to look back on when I start to get all panicky and flustered. He is a good God, and I trust Him COMPLETELY.
So..life with the Wilkinsons….looks a lot different. A different I never would have dreamt up, but a different he fashioned and He put together, and I love this roller coaster of a life he has me on.
With that said…..we cherish your prayers, and need them daily. We don't know how to do this! :)
Hope everyone is well!! xoxo