Four. Days.

Have you ever started something and knew there was an end date but it was so far away that you could not imagine arriving? That's how I have felt these past five months. There have been and were so many hills to climb to get to the end date that I really did not think we would arrive. Truly. 

But we have. And it's here; oddly enough I feel settled, in a routine, and like I have a grip on life again. I honestly did not think I would ever adjust to four kids....but, dare I say it, I kind of feel I have. The kids are doing wonderful (all of them), and we are adjusted and not so fragile.  We know what to expect--don't hear me wrong it still is work! Lots of work! But something had shifted in me and I have been dreading Nov 4th coming. When I started I was racing to this date. Running as fast as I possibly could to arrive. Now with four days left, my stomach is in knots for very different reasons. I'm nervous. I have no clue what the outcome will be. And I am nervous that  my heart may just break in two. This is why I didn't want to care. This is why I didn't want to feel. Caring & feeling hurts. 

However, through all the things I can do to self protect, my God has been the sure and stable rock I cling to. When the waves have nearly rendered me useless, my God has grabbed my hand and said walk on them. 

It is only through Him and by him that I will be able to stand on that day too.Through it all my eyes are on him & I will say, "It is well with me."  

Funny thing is I didn't know that I could trust Him anymore than I did--turns out, I can. 

Pray for us Nov 4th. xoxo