Brainstorm with me

Go with me here today….this isn’t going to be like any of my other posts. Think of it as a lets brain storm together post. Recently I was asked a question on what types of things would you want to see at a leadership retreat for women. I got thinking for a while and the first thing is…I would not want it to be a waste of my time (or any of the womens time). Time is valuable and we are stretched in so many directions the last thing I would want for me or for any other woman is for it to be a waste of their time. I would want it to have a vision and a purpose and want us to take away some practical things. You see, I’ve never been a normal ‘woman’s’ leader…I just have never really bought into the retreats that are weep fests and just bare your soul as you cry over chocolate. That’s just not me. I want to dig in deep to the word. I want to talk about things that are going to propel me forward as a leader.  So as I was thinking I wanted to define the word:

Definition of retreat

1. an act of going back or away especially from something dangerous, difficult, or disagreeable <The enemy is in retreat.>

2. a military signal for turning away from the enemy <He sounded the retreat.>

3. a place of privacy or safety <a mountain retreat>

4. a period of time in which a person goes away to pray, think quietly, or study

 

Now obviously we are talking about numbers 3 & 4. 

And another way to put it is: A quiet or secluded place in which one can rest and relax. A period of seclusion for the purposes of prayer and meditation.

 

So as I am thinking of leadership and that specific role I think about….as a leader you need to take time and regroup, recoup, to rest and relax. The leaders I think about run so hard that they don’t take much time to stop and rest. They are just on the go and they start to run on empty because they are pouring out so much to others. Taking time to retreat and rest, to relax, pray and meditate. Get fueled back up…that is the main point of what I would want a retreat to be. 

The other word that comes to mind is: Equip

Definition of equip

1. to provide (someone) with necessary materials or supplies

2. to provide (something) with a particular feature or ability

3. to prepare (someone) for a particular activity or problem

 

I just love the definition of this word because what better description of the word do you need…its to provide someone with necessary material or supplies. To provide a particular feature or ability, and then to prepare for a particular activity or problem. And isn’t that the whole point of what a “retreat” for leaders should be? We want them to rest and retreat, but also we want to prepare them for being a leader! I just loved these two words and they totally resonated with me. 

Going back to the original question: What types of things would you want to see at a leadership retreat for women? And keeping in mind the definition of retreat and equip I would like to see some main speakers talk about…here are just some options that I think would be vital to equipping leaders: 

• Taking a look at one of the letters Paul wrote specifically to leaders and breaking it down. Giving practical and useful tools on how to continue on in the faith. 

• Run and not grow weary. Talk about the struggles we face as women leaders and how to run and not grow weary. With that too, touch on running your own race. Not running the person on your right or lefts race, but staying in the lane that God has for you and you alone. How to navigate that challenge of comparison as a woman leader. 

• How to be armed for the battle. Teach on how to lead people well especially when leadership and the position you are in becomes mundane. How do you keep pressing in and marching forward when you feel your wheels are stuck in the mud. 

I would want to maybe have some breakout sessions that talked about more practical things like how to lead a small group or how to handle different situations within the group; the talker the non-talker etc. Another break out could be how to handle crisis situations or how to help someone in crisis, or how to engage in conversations with people when you are shy yourself. 

      

Those are things I would like to see at a retreat; things that would add value to my time as I sat and refueled. What about you? What kinds of things or topics would you like to see discussed at a retreat for women leaders?

Thanks for taking this brainstorming session with me…sometimes it’s fun just to sit and dream up things even if they won’t come to be! Happy Friday everyone.                                            

Drowning Mom

Dear Drowning Mom, 

Yes you. The one who has lost the vision that there is a hope. The one who is standing, kneeling rather, tear filled eyes,  as you gaze across the living room that is trashed with toys, as you just spent hours cleaning it the day before. Yes you, the one who can't stand one more person touching them, not one. To the one who feels as though the walls are caving in on her because the flu has quarantined her and taken down every member in her home. To you, working mom, who has to come home to cook, clean, and care for the family, while also carrying out 40 hours of office work a week. To you, who is watching her face age before her very eyes. To you, drowning mom, who wants to give up, hello.

I recognize you, because I was you. Just a few short years ago. For those of you who have already tuned me out due to the fact you think this is a "mommy club" post. I assure you it isn't. I despise the mommy club. I felt so left out for years because I wasn't "apart" of it, and now that I do have kids....well... I will tell you, it is no "club." 

It is hard, gruesome, exhausting work; and should never be taken lightly. 

You see, I am in an odd boat because I was one of the ones who begged, and begged for kids....and I got kids. So, it's hard to admit there was a "drowning mom" inside of me, because after all, "You prayed for this." As many of my friends have repeated to me over the years.

The first five years of a child's life is no joke people. There are SO many ups and downs, hills and valleys, high highs and low lows, that some days you start on one and end on another, and that is just within the first hour. Age 3-5 specifically is not for the faint of heart. To parent well, it takes everything within you to make it through. And there are days and months you really don't believe you will. 

To that I say, on this side of it, being able to take a look back on some of my mountain top moments and my deep valley moments, I say this one vital piece of advice: Get a buddy. 

Ladies, this mom/wife/friend/woman thing is hard work. Hard is an understatement; Find a buddy!!

Find a friend that you can partner with and do each other a favor and give each other breaks! God has so blessed me with this in my life and I tell you, it is the only way I made it through some of my deep dark valley's. 

Take on her kids plus yours one afternoon, so she can go grocery shop--ALONE. Have her take on your kids plus hers so you can go drink coffee at Barnes and Noble while reading a magazine. Take her kids so she can go sit in her car for an hour or two. Have her take your kids so you can get a hair cut mid-day! I tell you, on this side, you will find if you partner up, these times will act as a life preserver for you. A lifeline. You will notice you aren't drowning anymore; you may be holding on to the plank while still submerged...but you won't be drowning.

You will start to notice as you get in the routine of this, that you will become a better Mom, and a happier wife. Throw off the pride of "you don't want to put someone out".....ladies that is a lie. Besides if you have a buddy and you both are leaning on each other, taking turns having alone time...after a while you will see it's not putting her out, it's actually making you better! And it's making her better! And together, you will no longer be the drowning mom. 

Much love xo

2016--First Post

Well hello. 

I haven't forgotten you...I've just been avoiding you. :) 

I wanted my first post of 2016 to mean something, to be something super profound that I'm learning or something....and well...I'm sorry to disappoint...I have none of those things. 

It's has been a really great month though...and I've just been "coasting." For a few reasons....one being there are a lot of huge changes coming up with our church and I am trying to take them all in. Some with other people in our church and some changes with me personally. With any change that happens comes gaining & loosing and the changes coming are going to be a loss for me specifically. And that makes me sad. So like anything that brings emotion for me I do what I do, and that is-->avoid. :) 

I try to fool myself into thinking it will go away if I ignore it, and well you and I both know it doesn't work that way. 

The other reason I have been coasting is, I have been taking the steps that I know I need to take & that means...after 8 years at Brcc and 12 years total, I am stepping out of high school ministry. I have been feeling the spirit leading me to join the women's ministry at our church. And he has been clearly making that the one and only door I am to walk through. I am nervous & not 100% sure why I am to make this move, but there has been many different ways God has confirmed this and made it clear, clear, so clear....so at the end of February I am officially going to be done. I am most nervous to have to start over...and get to know other women deeply like I know the women I currently serve with. That takes time and years of doing life together...Shew. Gaining and loosing perfectly describes this next season. The cool thing is I'm 100% confident this is Gods leading and that makes me so excited to see where He is going to take me. So here is to the next season and with that I have this song on repeat. Oh how I love it. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBwXHpKVS5I&list=RDmBwXHpKVS5I

2015 Year in Review

December 31, 2014 as I was sitting in my parents living room watching the ball drop with my Dad, had I known what 2015 would have had for us, I probably wouldn’t have stepped into year 2015. To say we have had a roller coaster of a ride is putting it mildly. Its been more like we have been in a tornado of events; spinning, twisting us, up and down, around, all over. Some good, some bad, but each moment that has it come, will leave a mark on us forever. 2015 changed us, and forever has left its mark in its wake. 

January started with, what I now know, as the last hug I will ever have with my Dad this side of eternity, and ended with a beautiful little boy Carter being born, that I call my nephew. 

February brought lots of joy, got to celebrate a lot of my friends birthdays, and one of the greatest snowfalls Lynchburg has seen in 15 years. It felt like Colorado snow! 

Then March showed up. With the twister like affects, I went on a weekend trip to Jersey with a friend to hear Beth Moore speak on what I again now know, as a lifeline to get me through the weeks that were ahead. Just six days after the conference, I got the call that I had been dreading. My father passed away.  Before March 20, 2015 I had no context for grief. I had no idea what deep deep sadness was, I now do. The juxtaposition of grief and hope coexisting is not explainable outside of a relationship with Christ, but they can and do coexist. 

April came and went with some normalcy. 

May brought with it a much needed adult weekend getaway with friends to the beach. Oh May how I needed you. Little did I know what June would have in store. We also saw our oldest daughter graduate from preschool—kindergarten was next! Eek.

June came with some really cool spiritual things that God had been moving in the hearts of many around our church. A gathering of 20 men formed to seek and ask God what the next step of our church was to be. We threw in this month Ella’s first ever hair cut at a salon, and then by mid-month our friends from last summer moved in again with us. This time we had filed for custody, as did their aunt. 

July,brought my girls turning 5 & 3! And an opportunity to lead Brooklyn to Christ! What a wonderful day July 1 was!  The month ended with a court hearing that would give us temporary custody of Brock and Brooklyn until Nov. 4th, the next court date. Then July turned into…. 

August. Oh August. You came in with a roaring vengeance didn’t you? This month was so hard. Not only was I preparing to get my first born into her first year of kindergarten, I also now had a 4th grader to register/get ready for school, and two kids in Pre-k! On top of all of those things I was asked to face my biggest fear: public speaking. Oh I could go on and on with how scary and stressful this was. My body did not respond well, lets just say that. BUT with the help of the Holy Spirit I got through it and I do believe God was honored and glorified, and there is no other way I would want to finish out a month. 

In September my little Livi started Preschool. She did so well, and loves going! We could not be more thankful. September also brought some fun! Getting in a routine of having the kids in school and we had a visit from Grandma & Grandpa Wilkinson. 

October, you were fun with all your orange, festivals, and pumpkins! You however brought with you another opportunity to face my biggest fear. I can tell you this time was not easier than the last—still just as scary. 

November. November, ugh November. The month started out at a family dinner out to a play land to eat dinner and let the girls play, and ended with us in the MedExpress place getting 4 staples put in Alivia’s cracked open head. Two days later we went to court for the final hearing of custody between us and B&B’s aunt….and like we had anticipated, because she was biological family, she was awarded custody. What we had not prepared ourselves for was them being removed from our home that night! That hurt a lot, not getting one last night with them and properly getting to say goodbye. But all in all we prayed that God’s will be done. If those kids were supposed to permanently end up in our home, I can tell you—they would have ended up in our home. So all we can do is pray that the 5 months we had them in our home made a deep enough mark on them for the Kingdom!  The first part of November my mother took a trip with her church to Isreal. That was a dream her and my dad had…and well he went with her, in a way. A part of his ashes now reside on the banks of the Sea of Galilee. She got you there in one form or fashion, dad. Although, I’m sure you are seeing MUCH greater sites then we ever could here. Remember how I said earlier that this year changed us? Marked us in a way that other years haven’t? Nov. 24th was one of those days. We got a call from our longtime friends that their two year old son had passed away in his sleep. I wish my words on this page could adequately describe all that I felt. Its not describable what we experienced as we stood with them praying over their son and touching him as the funeral home walked him out of the house. That day was filled with deep deep sorrow. Sorrow has a new meaning to me now that I have felt the sting of death. It hurts more than anything I have ever felt. But yet again in the midst of the sorrow was a peace that truly passes ALL understanding. Our God is good. He is in control, and he turns chaos and panic into peace and worship. Its unlike anything. My God is amazing. Walking out the last two weeks of November with our friends was hard, physically, mentally, and deeply emotional. Through it though, I found moments to thank God for the fact that I didn’t have to juggle 4 kids in order to help my friends. I was able to be fully available and fully present for them. That was a gift and I’m so thankful.  

And just like that December has arrived. We took a mini vacation with our friends who had just lost their son and another family to Busch Gardens Christmas Town. I can’t tell you how wonderful our time was. I was so thankful to have made happy memories with our friends this side of losing their son. That weekend was what we needed, what we all needed. As I sit here at my desk on my last work day of 2015, and think about the two weeks I have off, I become so filled with gratitude. Its been a long haul to get to this point in 2015, and I am glad I am sitting here. Its been a  crazy hard year, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. But all in all I look back and can see how God’s hand was in every step of every month, leading, preparing, and guiding me through it. There is no other way I would want a year spent. 

So here’s to you Mr. 2016! I’m ready for ya!

We have an answer

Well....the long awaited day has come and gone. We have an answer & and the answer is, we did not get custody. What was shocking to me and what I was NOT prepared for was they had to move out last night. Last.night?! Wow ok Lord--did not see that one coming. 

I wanted this outcome if I'm honest. I asked God many times to take this from me---so the question is, why am I crying!? Ugh dumb heart and dumb feelings---stop. These are the times being a robot would come in handy! :)

But I'm not a robot & this hurts. The funny thing with loving & choosing to love, is that it doesn't tell you how it also can bring hurt. It just asks you to love. I feel like we did that. I feel like we loved well and we opened up our hearts; even at the risk of it not being returned.

So when you loose something that you loved---well it hurts. 

That doesn't mean we wouldn't do what we did again or change the way we did anything. It is what it is and we Prayed that ultimately the Lords will be done. And it was.

So here we are relieved of the stress, the drama, waiting for our hearts to heal a little, and then we will say, "What is the next "Yes" Lord?" 

For today though, I need a day to lay in the ditch, feel, hurt, cry and then heal.  

Then we will be on to the next adventure....

Four. Days.

Have you ever started something and knew there was an end date but it was so far away that you could not imagine arriving? That's how I have felt these past five months. There have been and were so many hills to climb to get to the end date that I really did not think we would arrive. Truly. 

But we have. And it's here; oddly enough I feel settled, in a routine, and like I have a grip on life again. I honestly did not think I would ever adjust to four kids....but, dare I say it, I kind of feel I have. The kids are doing wonderful (all of them), and we are adjusted and not so fragile.  We know what to expect--don't hear me wrong it still is work! Lots of work! But something had shifted in me and I have been dreading Nov 4th coming. When I started I was racing to this date. Running as fast as I possibly could to arrive. Now with four days left, my stomach is in knots for very different reasons. I'm nervous. I have no clue what the outcome will be. And I am nervous that  my heart may just break in two. This is why I didn't want to care. This is why I didn't want to feel. Caring & feeling hurts. 

However, through all the things I can do to self protect, my God has been the sure and stable rock I cling to. When the waves have nearly rendered me useless, my God has grabbed my hand and said walk on them. 

It is only through Him and by him that I will be able to stand on that day too.Through it all my eyes are on him & I will say, "It is well with me."  

Funny thing is I didn't know that I could trust Him anymore than I did--turns out, I can. 

Pray for us Nov 4th. xoxo

I Shall Not Want

Oh how I love music and how it speaks straight to my heart most days. 

This is where I am currently wrestling....I Shall Not Want by Audrey Assad

http://youtu.be/e5xEYgGr6ms

"I Shall Not Want"

From the love of my own comfort

From the fear of having nothing

From a life of worldly passions

Deliver me O God

From the need to be understood

From the need to be accepted

From the fear of being lonely

Deliver me O God

Deliver me O God

And I shall not want, I shall not want

When I taste Your goodness I shall not want

When I taste Your goodness I shall not want

From the fear of serving others

From the fear of death or trial

From the fear of humility

Deliver me O God

Deliver me O God

And I shall not want, I shall not want

When I taste Your goodness I shall not want

No, I shall not want, I shall not want

When I taste Your goodness I shall not want

When I taste Your goodness I shall not want