Irrational

We started a series called Irrational at my church. Its been so good for me because, as I'm learning I am the type of person who has to understand things. I have to understand how they work, how they got to the point at which they did, for it to make sense to me. The Lord is teaching me that I don't get to understand sometimes. I don't get to know what the plan is. All I need to be concerned with is this day. All the others will take care of themselves. And see for me, this is the biggest leap of faith I think. One of my biggest fears is not being in control of a situation & letting it just happen. God has been moving in me over these past 6 years showing me that it is HIM that i am to lean on....no one else. he is the one who ALLOWS me to see certain situations & see how they work & to bring understanding. Its so hard for me to let that go...but I'm trying.
Yesterday in the Service we talked about Moses (Exodus 2:1-4:17). I am so much like Moses. I am not eloquent in speech, there is nothing really special about me, but the Lord is calling me. calling me to let HIM speak through me, and calling me to a new level in my faith. A level where I don't get to understand everything...or understand why things happen the way they do. Its a level where I am only allowed to focus on me, and how much I am loving God. Beyond that I can not see. I shut my eyes the other day and all I saw was me standing, and there was nothing around me but pitch blackness. And the Lord said to me, I will give you the light for your next step. This is so hard for me. But I am trying to let him do the leading & the guiding. I am trying to let the need to understand things go, and let Him. And see for the last couple years I've been waiting for this life that I thought would happen for me, and its never happening, and its killing me waiting. I need to start living, and let the life I thought I was going to have go. He will provide the next move for me...if I trust Him to. He will be my words, if I let Him. Its an irrational life, one that I'm not used to living, but I'm going to take all the effort I have & let it go & let Him move.
All for you Lord.