My Journey

I was told once that your journey is the one thing that couldn't be taken away from you, so I'd like to share a piece of it with you.
When Jeremy & I got married, we knew we weren't ready for children, but in my mind I thought it would always be an option. He said we could talk about having kids after 5 years of marriage.
So five years came.
And five years went.
There were many heated 'discussions' on why we should & shouldn't have kids. From my perspective I didn't want to force him into anything, but it was a deep longing desire in my heart to have children with him one day.
From his perspective, he didn't want to have kids at all. He liked our life the way it was, and couldn't imagine adding anyone into our home. Not to mention the fact that he didn't want to say no we aren't having children, because of me. He knew the dreams I had.
So we were at a stand still.
That lasted 2 years.
I would bring it up every now & then just to check in & see where he was at with all of it. As time passed though, it seemed like his desire to not have them just kept getting stronger & stronger. And for me the desire to have them kept getting stronger & stronger. There were many nights/days/months I would beg & plead for the Lord just to unite our hearts. I didn't really care the out come of the situation by this point. The only thing I cared about was that our hearts would be in line. In my heart I was content with whatever the out come was, if we were going to have kids, great! If we were going to decide not to have them, then lets make a decision & go with it!
But nothing.
So I waited.
All I could hear from the Lord was, wait. Trust me. Trust me. Trust me.
So I was doing the best I could, but one night before we moved into our new house we bought, I had a break down. I just wanted us to come to some sort of conclusion. But yet again, we both were stuck in the same spot. Neither one budging.

So fast forward a month & we are on our way down to Catalyst which is a leadership conference in Atlanta that we attend every year with our Church.
Well on the drive down to Atlanta, Jeremy says to me, in all male fashion, "I have something to tell you, but don't cry." haha I was like ugh....OK?? So then he proceeds to tell me that he's been feeling guilty lately because he gets to live his dream everyday. He gets to go to a place he calls 'work' and gets to do his dream job. Me on the other hand; I have this dream of being a Mother & with no hope in sight, I have to go to work everyday & deal with crazy amounts of pressure from Corporate America. So he said he has been feeling guilty & that God told him that it was time for me to be able to live my dream, and that Jeremy was supposed to lay down his rights & his idols in life & allow me to have the family & children I've always dreamed of. So he said I could go off of birth control & the rest would be in Gods hands!
So I didn't really have a reaction. I was kind of numb I think. I was just like...well OK & didn't really think twice about it at that point.
So we make it through the 1st day of Catalyst & every speaker was amazing & totally engaging and Spirit filled. So day two rolls around & about 1/2 way through the day, they did this segment on Compassion International.
It was breath taking to say the least. There was a man who had been supported by a guy in Canada for the past 19 years, and they introduced them to each other for the very 1st time! It was AMAZING & heart wrenching.
I was weeping.
Along with the 13,000 other leaders in that place.
Well after that they did a segment on adoption & just helping around the world. And that is where it hit me. The Lord just confirmed in my heart that, that was it. That is what Jeremy & I were going to do! I didn't think much about it that afternoon, but I just knew in my heart that this was the answer for us.
So as we were going to dinner that night, Jeremy asked me, "So what did you get out of today?" And I just gave a fluff answer, like you know love people blah blah blah. ;)
And he said so is that all? And I said, "No. We are supposed to adopt." He said, "I got that too."I can't even begin to tell you all the emotions & feelings that I feel even typing these words ouy for people to read!
God did this! After 6 1/2 years of wondering if kids will be in our future, he did it.
On October 9, 2009.....He. Answered. My. Prayers!!!
He united our hearts! And the really cool thing about God is, He didn't give me "my dream" & he didn't give Jeremy "his dream" he gave us a whole "new dream" and we can move forward together in; confident knowing that God did this work in our hearts & confirmed it & is leading us the whole way!

And so begins our Adoption Journey.