Discovery!

I had an ah-ha moment yesterday!!
Let me back up....I've been...kind of really having some rough months lately. Just super stressed, things at work aren't going "perfect" like they normally do...you know what i mean, there is just some disharmony which leads to really stressful work environments at times...so there is that. Then there is my little three year old that is doing all the normal things a three year old does, and is right on track developmentally and right on track with testing the limits. Phew. oh.oh. my yes. So needless to say its been supppper stressful at times in my world.
Any who....my point is yesterday we took an afternoon and had a family day at the lake. Super thankful and grateful for our friends, who love and trust us enough to go take their boat out. it is a huge blessing, and came at just the right time because of the stress & Jeremy left today for a conference. So...all that to say, as we got to a little cove at the lake to park and go swim, I was laying on the back of the boat while my husband is in the water with our girls. As I sat there I did something I have not done in quiet some time, I laid on my stomach and took a deep inhale, then exhaled, and just laid there. Basking in the sunshine, just listening to the water, just sitting, just being. It was magical. Truly. Then it hit me!!
Backing up to the first paragraph I haven't really been able to pinpoint why I've been carrying so much stress in my back, and why I've just been on edge....besides the obvious I knew it was something deeper than that.
So as I'm laying there taking my deep breaths, it hit me....I am always "on." Now what does always on mean you ask? I explain it like this, my husband and friend tell me all the time when they are communicating in front of a large group of people, they are "on" meaning they are giving 110% of all of them to pour out the words they feel like Jesus has told them to tell the people listening. So it takes a lot of themselves to do this, thus when they get home they just crash and veg out on the couch because they  have given so much of themselves that day.
As I was thinking on the back of that boat with the warm sun, and the long inhales & exhales, I realized the reason I've been so stressed is because I dont' get time to be "off." I wake up at 4:00 everyday and read the word, and pick up the house from the night before & get a lunch together. Then I'm getting ready, and I head into work for anywhere to 4-6 hours depending on the day. Then I come  home, and any mom of a 1 & 3 year old, or any of you who have family with kids this age, or anyone who has ever babysat this age KNOWs you have to be constantly "on." There is no, laying on the back of a boat catching sun, and taking deep breaths. You are go go go, do do do, feed feed feed, be be be for them. For you pessimists reading this...that was not a complaint, it was a fact. That is just how it is...its busy. Then during nap time, its clean clean clean, prep prep prep for dinner, then if you are lucky and the kids sleep long you have time to drink a cup of coffee before they wake up. hahah Then its back to being on again until they go to bed anywhere from 8-9pm. Then that is the last hour of the day to where you really just want to conk out and not do anything, but then there is the other little thing in your life....your hubby. Who you haven't really seen all day & wants some of you too. Then on the other nights of the week, if you serve anywhere you know that there are things to do and people to meet with at night too, again, being "on"....ALL REALLY really REALLY good things I'm telling you. Please I beg please don't hear this as a complaining post because I am so thankful for what I get to do, so beyond thankful for the life I do have, & the freedom to be with my kids is awesome.
I just had a discovery....I do not have an "off" time unless I am sleeping.....which is not truly "off" it just is a necessity.
So ALLLLL that to say....I had a discovery laying on the back of that boat yesterday, soaking up the rays, inhaling & exhaling....I need some "off" time. I have no clue how I'm going to get it, or where I'm going to fit it in, but I know I need it!! haha
My family and friends need me to have it, lets just put it that way!! ;)