Choices

In this life, in every action, in every decision, in every response.....we have a choice. 

We have a choice to produce life or death with our thoughts. 

We have a choice to say yes to the things God is asking of us or we can say no.

We have a choice to press in or not to press in when life gets hard.

We have a choice to obey God or not obey God. 

We have a choice to love or not love. 

We have a choice to be disciplined or not be disciplined.

We have a choice to be wise with our money or not be wise and spend haphazardly. 

We have a choice to excersize and take care of our body, or we can choose not to.

We have a choice to have integrity or not have integrity.

We have a choice to tap into and access the power God offers us in His Word, or we can continue living like we are powerless. 

From where I sit I am watching a person say no to all of these things. To make the choices that are leading to death. Let me tell you, it's making quite and impact. 

I always want to be a girl that CHOOSES to say YES to my Lord--whatever He asks. With all of my decisions I want to produce life. How about you? 

The Download

Oh Catalyst. Catalyst. Catalyst. WOW. Just I’m still in wow. I literally felt like every single talk was directly for me…it was like ok here is what you’ve been having issues with, here is how to change it,  and here is where you are to go. 

So in SHORT summary here is my take a ways this year….

Andy's first talk: That was the; who are you & what breaks you heart talk….from that I felt like that was for me in that, everyone is supposed to “change something.” I think for me its time for me to stop living under the EXCUSE that I don’t have “resources” to be affective. Bunch of crap. I do and just because I have small children doesn’t mean I cannot be affective in ministry and I’ve been believing that lie for a year & ½ now and it is ending now. He said if you opt for fear instead of purpose you will regret it many years from now. I have not had the “go ahead” to leave student ministries for whatever reason, and I really believe he gave me a glimpse of that reason. Also he said , you have no idea what hangs in the balance of your decision to embrace the burden God put in your heart. Oh my oh my that fired up me. .Ok Lord…listening.

Christine: from this talk I got, that people burn out because their spiritual core is not strong. Jesus said we would RUN and NOT grow weary….we would mount up on wings like eagles, we would walk and NOT faint….God doesn’t want visitation rights to your life he wants to MOVE INTO your life—huge! Declaring what he says! Taking a standing KNOWING what he says and speaking it into life and motion was huge for me too. And then lastly I have got to know HOW to wield the sword of God. He has given us this mighty powerful tool in the Bible and if I don’t know how to use it how can I become an affective fighter for him? I can’t. Then we reproduce who we are….I want to reproduce the best of me, then part that loves God to an undeniable extent. Wow….sermon over haha moving on.

Tim Keller: You can’t change something if you don’t know how to change you. Be expectant…great things can and will come if you pray intently and intentionally!

Dr. Leaf: Oh my oh my don’t even get me started on this….mind. Blown! WOW this was AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMAZING!!!!! I have always thought: why can’t science and God coexist? He made EVERYHING and if you think about how intricate our bodes alone are….why wouldn’t’ God be in science??  I have already read her entire book. Haha I am not a reader. I Loved this one. I love factual evidence for things and she was so brilliant and was able to bring it down to my level. I think in the whole of this is that God made a powerful mind that he ALLOWS us to use so we need to start using it for HIS glory. And that mind work is hard work—you have to KEEP fighting the fight! Don’t give up keep going!

Robert Madu: this was major heart check here for me in this talk….he talked about running the race….and just his example of running with your eyes to the side on someone else….what is going to come? A crash! So it just hit home for me when he said “whos race are you running?” And I think ive been so focused on watching others around me race that I’ve not been focusing on MY race. Then enemy’s biggest weapon is comparison ESPECIALLY in girls…and that we have EVERYTHING I need inside  of me to be affective for God. I am to STAY IN MY LANE and stop looking and comparing how others are running their race and RUN MINE! Run on sista, run on!

Matt Chandler: again – smack in the head. Oh I loved this one too. The one thing that stood out was “ the man goes in the ground, and the message goes on, because its HIS STORY NOT MINE!” oh I get so caught up in this, its NOT ABOUT ME> and what I do, or what I don’t do…its about him and my EVERY LIVING BREATH needs to be because of him. Only. Period. Then the fulfill YOUR ministry part…God put YOU where you are for a REASON. You are wired and gifted and he put you where you are for a reason! STOP wanting to be someone else and be you! Seek to learn, grow, but be YOU. I think again I just get in this “oh I can’t be affective for God because I don’t have resources or I don’t have this, or I can’t leave b/c of the kids” blah blah blah blah blah Time to SUCK it up LADY! You could pray!!! Ever think about that?!!? Get on your face, intercede and get the hard brunt work of ministry out there & PRAY! With EXPECTATION! You DO have resources—its ME! Now get your eyes off you and GO! (that was me hearing God yell at me!) haha 

Oh boy—day over….shew. amazing. 

Day Two: 

Craig Groeschel: again—amazing. Just affirming matt chandlers point, God has given me everything I need to reach who you are supposed to. God doesn’t give us all we “think” we need because he wants us to need HIM—duh, right? He was talking about when we don’t have resources it can be a catalytic event for what God really wants. I am to embrace my limitations, thank him for giving me what I need, and limited resources help us think outside of the box.  Then the failure part, how the fear of failure drives us to even try new things….and just how they would not have been successful without the failures….they are necessary! The pathway to yoru greatest potential is straight through your failure! And that failure is and EVENT not a PERSON. Do not internalize lies from the enemy. And then if you have been transformed by the gospel then you have to share it—its in you and it must come out. So so good.

Charles Duhigg: he was a little bit just informational and I wasn’t quite sure how to apply this one to me other than figure out when my brain is turning off and turn it back on. Haha 

Andy’s second talk: what stood out to me here was that church should be the safest place on the planet to talk about anything. That was huge….I mean I know this, but I don’t think we “know” this in the way that its open for kids to know this…make sense? Then Jesus always raised the standard not lowered it, to prove we need a savior! He said what if people said “our community is better because there are Christians here” oh man I want that to be true of me. And then the last thing that was my MAIN take away and what is fueling me today, is that The church must keep and capture the hearts of students! Oh goodness this is what breaks my heart. Culture markets for the young why don’t we? He is right I feel like we push small kid ministry then middle school and high school are just –eh….then why are we so shocked when they fall away at college?? It IS possible to change a generation for the Lord! It IS! And I don’t think we as a student ministry lead like this. I know I HAVEN’T! Partly because I didn’t have the paradigm to lead like this, and didn’t “know this” but now, I know. I want to become leaders that lead EXPECTANT that God is going to change this generation. I think it would totally change how we interacted with students, I think it would change the way we pray for them intercede for them, love them, and LEAD THEM! We have got to become leaders that lead like we are CONFIDENT a generation can and will be changed for Jesus, and get on our faces before him begging him to revolutionize this generation! To start building up kids who are serious about loving him—and that starts with us. 

So yah wow….that is my major take away from this year. I loved every single minute of it, I feel like God has birthed a new passion inside of me and I can't wait to watch how he brings it to fruition…however he wants!! 

This song my Matt Redman has been the thing I am singing, praying over and over again “Arms open, wide as the sky, I lift you high, lift you high—let all the other names fade away….let all the other names fade away, until there’s only you!” OH let that be true of me!! 

Preparation

I love my God. Like seriously love Him. I love that he cares enough for me to prepare me for what is to come. He does that a lot for me. I read my post from last Wednesday and had no idea what was to come the very next day. 

I went to a Leadership conference that I have been going to for 10 years now. Each time I go its a time of not only real butt kicking but a time where God has truly spoke things into motion in mine and Jeremy's lives! I have been given a new vision. A burden. A heart that beats fast at the possibilities. You see, I am a youth leader and I think for the past few years I've been leading to be and "adult figure who loves Jesus" to a girl that may need to see that. But I have been given a new vision, where we actually lead because we REALLY BELIEVE we can change a generation for Christ! To really believe there can be a group of kids that rise up and take their place. A generation that does actually passionately live for God! Instead of one that falls away and comes back battered, bruised, and scarred up due to choosing to live life for themselves. It's a new season, one that is going to take determination, sacrifice, and discipline! We are going to have to let all the other names fade away and run OUR race. Not someone else's race but OURS! I'm so excited to see what God is going to do as we bow low before him and lift him high! Hands up, we lift you high Lord! Go and do through us! And we will point it all back to you! Can't wait to brag on you! xoxo

To the ends of the earth...

"For this is what the Lord has commanded us: 'I have made you a light for the Gentiles, that you may bring salvation to the ends of the earth.' " Acts 13:47

That's the point of all of this, right? To bring salvation to the ends of the earth? Its my point for existence, at least. Its why I do what I do, its why I love like I love, its why I respond the way I respond. Its what motivates me, its what gets me through the tough days.....or does it?

I want those statements to be true, and to a point, I do really believe they are true for me. But sadly I don't wake up everyday thinking about someones salvation. I don't let my motives or my responses be from a place of bringing salvation to someone. I do in the small little corners of my world, but to say it weaves through my whole reason for existence.....I don't breathe, eat, sleep that reality. Its in there, yes, but its not my every motivation.

Death makes you think a lot about things. What you would have done differently, what you didn't do, what you wish you would have done.....There have been a lot of people around me facing death here lately, my Dad included, and its got me thinking, "If that were me, if I were told you have less than a year to live....would I live out Acts 13:47 differently?"
You BET I WOULD!
I have a little life that comes to my house every week, and then goes home to his family, who doesn't know Christ. I have the opportunity to bring salvation...to the ends of the earth....to the ends of my earth. Have I? No. Yes, I've mentioned God and pointed things back to Him, but I've not been on my face before the Lord begging for their salvation. I haven't. I get so caught up in the frustration of the situation and how I think this little boy is not being treated fairly and how I think they are wrong in decisions they are making....and I haven't even stopped to bring salvation to my "ends of the earth."
*Punch in the gut*
If it were me facing death right now, I'd be on my knees before the Lord begging for the people in my life that I know don't know Him. I'd be very intentional about conversations with my high school students. I live life differently.
Death makes you think.

I am a part of a church that supports a group of people, who are raising up kids in the Christian faith, and the goal is for them to go back out and bring salvation to the "ends of the earth" or back to where they came from and spread the gospel. They were in need of a worship center, it would be the first of its kind in the area they are located! The project would take about $20,000 to build and in one weekend we raised $20,026 for this worship center to be built!!! Isn't that amazing!!!

Being a part of "bringing salvation to the ends of the earth" in this way is an incredible feeling! I think though, yes its easy to give money to help build this worship center, but "bringing salvation to the ends of the earth" has a whole new meaning when you are in the muck and the mud of a situation. When your emotions are raw and you feel pain and hurt....to the ends of the earth, looks different. Feels different. Its harder, its messier. Sometimes I just want to check out and say "All done." I don't WANT to bring salvation to the ends of the earth today.
And then I'm thankful for grace. That He doesn't just leave us where we are, that he brings people, and His Word to sustain and encourage us. Bringing us back into focus, to REMEMBER....."this is what the Lord has commanded us......that you may bring salvation to the ends of the earth."
And that IS the point.

A True Story....

Once there was a girl who only had two girls, she spoke girl, she loves everything girl....then a boy came along & shook everything up. One day they were at McDondald and shouting from the top of the playland the boy screamed to this unknowing girl...."my pants fell! My pants fell!!" Well sure enough his pants were still on, so she called for him to come down. To her naive self who only speaks girl she quickly realized as he waddles out of the playland.....he pooped his pants. So she walks him to the bathroom, with no paper towels and toilet paper that rips at the site of it, she did what any resourceful girl would do...she swished the pants out in the toilet. She told the boy to finish on the pot while she cleaned up more. Once the big chunks were off the pants, she used hand soap and the hand dryer to clean the rest of his shorts. Suddenly a worker walked in to offer assistance followed by an elderly woman holding her shoe. The girl looks confused as the woman said with disgust "Yah!! It's in my shoe too!" The girl was confused because she though she had walked quickly enough to the bathroom to go undetected. This was not the case. A patron of McDonalds was walking in to buy her lunch when she stepped in.....yes....the boys poop! Apparently some of the poop fell from the young boys pants as they walked to the bathroom. Even more mortified now she apologized and went back to the boy who was still in the stall. As she opens the stall door a sight that will remain imbedded in her mind for a long time awaited her. The boy managed to have residual poo on his buns and as he sat down it smeared all over his legs and the seat.   Oh the panic that set in the girls heart at that moment. With no resources she used all she knew to use and grabbed the shorts and started the cleaning process--again. She did the best she could for a girl with no experience in this area could. Sure she has a two and a four year old but not once has she encountered such a spectacle. With soaking wet pants she started walking out of the bathroom and again was greeted by a worker. This time questioning if she was went to BRCC and was in fact Jeremy Wilkinsons wife. With shaky voice she replied yes. The lady said "ohhhh! Yes! And I know your whole story." Looking over with affirmation of the young boy who's hand was gripping mine. She replied with embarrassment, "yes this is my world." They laughed understandable and went about their day. And so goes the story of the girl with two...now three children. 😊 

Nonfrantic Woman

"Her questions were honest and unassuming, her demeanor kind, her laugh delightfully loud, her paperwork messy, but her focus clear. She stayed focused on the task at hand. She wasn't encumbered with a thousand other things pulling at her. She didn't try to multitask too much. She wasn't a slave to her cell phone. She wasn't running late or running from one thing to the next. She said no to everything else pulling at her so she could say yes to the story."

"If you want people to use such great words to describe you, think about the decision you are making. How are they leading people to describe you?"

"Great descriptions are birthed from great decisions. The decisions we make, make the lives we live. If we want to live better, we've got to decide better. Yes and No. The two most powerful words."

Recently I was told, (by a good friend) I bicker with my husband. Ugh. Not a fun thing to hear....let me define it for you:

• bick·er
• argue: to argue in a bad-tempered way about something unimportant 

That sounds like a complement right? Ouch! I don't want to be known for bickering! Really?? Wow what a legacy Jan. Yikes. But it was a good reality check and one I'm trying to work through. I have been reading The Best Yes by Lysa Terkeurst. The quotes come from that book; which is really worth the read by the way.
I just love what these quotes have to say and in regards to the Nonfrantic Woman. I have been reflecting on this bickering comment and I just love what she said in the first quote. I do all those stated things at different times...and the "isn't a slave to her phone" part....wow....never heard it referred to as "being a slave to your phone"....YIKES, but isn't that what happens?! I was reminded of my favorite verse Genesis 4:7. ....."sin is crouching at your door, it desires to have you, but you must rule over it." It doesn't rule over me, I rule over it! And again, an example I do not want my kids seeing...a mom who is a slave to her phone?? No.

Next quote....if we want to live better, we've got to decide better.......so I have to decide to not bicker. I have to decide to not be a slave to my phone. I have to decide to eat well. I have to decide to exercise. I have to decide to press into what God has for me...even when I'm tired.
The Nonfrantic Woman.
I want to be her. I want to be poised, humble, unassuming, kind....nonfrantic. I want my words to count--every single one of them that comes from my lips. I want them to mean something, be filled with love, not be words that are just a clanging gong.

"I brought to each of those encounters my presence and my love, my Best Yes. And one Best Yes after another took me places I've have never had the privilege to go if I hadn't dared to look at what was right in front of me."

.....She brought her presence...something I am all too familiar with these days that I do not have. With the pace in which life rolls, and having 3 kids under the age of 5 in the house all day....you don't have much time to be "present," to be fully attentive.....you are multitasking to an insane degree, you are trying to keep afloat, dishes done, laundry done.....defusing fights.....and in that I have found that my phone provides a temporary escape....which in turn makes me a slave to it, as I long for that escape.....oh what a vicious little cycle.

Time to stop. Refocus. Put my eyes on Jesus, and as I become present with him; my frantic, bickering,  multitasking overloaded self, will become.....Nonfrantic.

Real Life

The fairy tale has worn off you could say. We are getting into the real life emotions, feelings, and hurts you would expect to find in a situation like the one we are in. The past two weeks have been hard. Really hard. Anger, hurt, attitude, fear, frustration, and mile high walls all directed at me specifically. I have watched a close friend go through this same thing, and its one thing to empathize with someone, but its a whole other ball game when you are the one walking through it! Shew. It is hard to love, when you are being mistreated. It is hard to turn the other cheek when you are constantly being compared. Its hard to serve when there is no gratitude. Its hard to keep the self-protection walls down within yourself when you are not being treated kindly. Its hard not to favor and compare when you are being ignored. Real life is hard.
Then I stop and think about what Jesus went through, and I break. My "situation" is VERY minor compared to Him and all he went through, but he still loved. He still poured out. He still gave. He still remained open, soft, and…..obedient. That's hard. Real life is hard.

I was reading 2 Chronicles 1:1-13 today. It was talking about how Solomon, son of David, established himself as King. Verse 1 says "….for the Lord his God was with him and made him exceedingly great." I love that. it was because the Lord was with him that made Solomon great.
Then the next few verses go like this: "God appeared to Solomon and said to him. "Ask whatever you want me to give you" Solomon answered God, "You have shown great kindness to David my father and have made me King in his place. Now, Lord God, let your promise to my father be confirmed, for you have made me king over a people who are as numerous as the dust of the earth. Give me wisdom and knowledge, that I may lead these people, for who is able to govern this great people of yours?"

Go and read the rest of the verses and see how God responds….its amazing. But I wanted to stop and focus on Solomon for a minute. Say what? God said "Ask whatever you want me to give you"….and Solomon, who just became King said…."Give me wisdom and knowledge??"
This is God here, Solomon…..he can give you whatever you want and you ask for wisdom and knowledge!?!
Wow. What character, right?

I was stopped in the tracks of these verses, because in real life, this life, through the hurt and the pain, as I have been tasked with leading these kids…..my first thing I ask God for is NOT wisdom and knowledge. Its take these kids away kind of stuff! haha
Wow! To be able to respond in the thick of life, "God give me wisdom and knowledge. I know you lead us here, I know we are here for a reason…I know you have clearly set all this in motion, I know for this season we are to lead these kids well…..so give me wisdom and knowledge!" So many times I become the victim and want to have the comfort and shelter of taking the easy route in real life. Oh to get to a place where my first request is for knowledge and wisdom to lead these kids well. How different would my days be? How different would my responses be?!

Oh Lord, thank you for continuing molding and shaping me. Thank you for not stopping where you left me the last time you shaped something in me, but continuing to move and mold me more and more like you. Lord help me get to a place where my first request of you is for wisdom and knowledge. I know and trust you that we are here because you asked us to be here, so help me to have wisdom and knowledge in knowing how to lead these little lives well!