Finding Peter

Well like my last blog post said...let's be like Peter....I've had just such an opportunity. My father passed away yesterday. If you've kept up with my blog at all you know he had MSA. I honestly thought, since we have been going through this "not knowing when he will pass" stage for 4 years...I thought I was prepared for it. I certainly was not. I have never cried like that ever. Like from the depths deep grieving. Oh I was and am so sad. I am so so glad he is celebrating with God, has a new body, and there is no more MSA. I guarantee he is wearing God out with questions though! Why did you do this, why did it have to be like this....haha I can remember him saying, I can't wait to meet and talk to Paul, Abraham and meet everyone. And now he gets to. I'm so glad there is no more suffering. Even in this God has answered so many of our prayers. My husband text me this & thought it was appropriate to focus on what we are thankful for.

(Our friend) Judson said I should write down all the places I have seen God move already and am grateful for ...so we don't forget:

-Joan didn't have to find him
-His death was an answer to Joan, Janna and Dan's prayer...so he didn't have to waste away
-He never had to go to the doctor to learn how to die...feeding tube...being flipped on a bed
-The man who found him & tried to resuscitate him came back to share with Joan Dans last mins
-Dan didn't die alone, choking
-He was coherent...and said "I need to go" to the man.
-That Jeremiah got a job back in Colorado
-That he got to spend the last 6 months with them
-That Dan and Amanda were here for dinner
-That Dan and Amanda's son Alex insisted on bringing over cookies they could decorate...distracted Ella and Liv while Janna cried
-Janna had a flight for Tuesday already so we weren't frantic to find a new one
-That's Jannas last memories of her dad aren't of irritation...or of cleaning up a mess...but of him making us egg sandwiches...& Christmas...throwing dad on concrete! (This was an accident!) ;)
-For friends who came over and prayed for us
-Flight miles from Luke and Steph
-Breakfast from Luke and Steph
- Luke and Steph paid for the ticket
-Joe offering his flight miles
-Found Janna a new ticket
-Drew called and said if money was and issue that some friends wanted to help
-That we both have jobs that tell us to take our time
-My mom and dad are willing to help us
-People that offer cars to take out there
-Steph taking Janna and Ella to the airport
-Kellie and Micheal took Liv so I can speak
-Staff and friends offer to take me to the airport
-People that just drop by

But most of all...Dan is in heaven with God right now celebrating and worshiping the Creator of the Universe...and  that there is no more pain...MSA...drugs.

And we will see him again. 

Oh I'm so glad. This is not a loss without hope. We have a hope in Jesus and he offers eternal life. 

So thankful for that. 

And I can't wait to hug my Mom and Brother.

So here is my moment; to find the Peter in me. This is my Peter moment when I am out on the water and the wind and waves are crashing around me. Am I going to get overwhelmed and let them consume me or am I going to keep my eyes on Jesus and keep walking?
Well Jesus the best I can--I'm keeping my eyes on you. Not sure how else I'd make it through this. 

Walk!

This past weekend I had the opportunity to go hear Beth Moore speak at Boardwalk Hall in Atlantic City—to which I have never been. I love going new places, seeing new things, and if history can be thrown into the mix—I’m a happy happy girl! So little piece of history for you—did you know! Boardwalk hall has been home to the Miss America Pageant since 1921!!! How cool is that! I sat in the very place that, for 94 years, girls have walked that very stage in hopes of becoming the next Miss America! Really cool! I am a girlie girl so that resonates with me—for some of you, it won’t. ha! 

I just love history and I love learning about new things and reading facts…it fills me up. So while we were at the conference and digging into the Word; (More history; Love!) Beth Moore was speaking about 5 different scenes in the Bible, all of which included water. Water is so significant because many rights of passages throughout the Bible included water. I think it’s safe to suggest thatwater symbolizes movement. 

Movement is all throughout the Bible too—God was/is always moving us to new places with him, and our journeys should always involve movement. When we choose to halt and stop moving in our walks with Him that is not his will. 

Matthew 14:22-32 is all about movement. I'm sure many of us are familiar with this text, but let's allow the spirit to reveal something new as we read. 

In this passage we find Jesus with the 12 disciples. They were on the Sea of Galilee when Jesus made them get into a boat ahead of him then it says He went on a mountainside to pray. 

vs 24 says “the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.” Buffeted means, to strike against, or push repeatedly….so there was some weather happening. 

Then it goes on to say during the 4th watch of the night; which would be around 3-6a.m. Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. Lets just stop there for a minute and draw attention to two things so far: 

1. The disciples were on a boat a considerable ways away from the shore on the Sea of Galilee—that Jesus made them get into and he was nowhere to be seen. 

2. The time Jesus was walking on the water was around 3-6a.m…..I don’t know about you but at 3-6am I am sleeping! As I would assume they were too or at least trying to! Maybe not because of the weather, at which case I’m sure they were exhausted! 

So ok we have those two things to consider so they are out there on the boat, in the middle of the sea, to which Jesus put them on the boat, the wind and the waves are crashing around them….its the middle of the night….and then Jesus enters—walking.on the.water. Go with me here….he was WALKING on the water! People! This is like night of the living dead, Halloween, ghost stuff happening right now. I would be freaking OUT. Right!? Walking on the water, you are stressed from the weather, tired from the hour of day it is, and then you see JESUS WALKING on the water?! Are you kidding me?! Nuts. 

So lets keep reading….

vs. 26 “When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified.” Well good! At least I am not the only one. “…it’s a ghost!, they said, and cried out in fear.” Um hello! Yes! Correct response! 

Vs. 27 “But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

This is significant because in Greek, when Jesus is saying “It is I.” He is referencing Exodus 3:14, when he is telling Moses “I am who I am.”  So Jesus was giving his name authority here. Saying it is I! 

Vs. 28 “Lord, if it is you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

At first glance this seems as if Peter is testing Jesus, but if you look in context what is really happening is, he was acknowledging the fact that Jesus is I AM. Then Jesus replies…..

Vs. 29 “Come.” He said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.”

Come. That tiny little word, changes everything…...keeping in mind there are the other 11 disciples still on the boat; Peter was the only one bold enough to actually step out. And he too—WALKED on the WATER. Can you imagine being him?? Jesus just called you out, wind still whipping, imagine him taking that first step of raising his leg out on the water, then you have to take the other one out. Don’t you think he was like swishing his leg around thinking—ok when is my foot going to hit something solid….it does, then you have to stand up….on the water! THEN you actually start walking—toward Jesus. Is this hitting anyone else like it did me!? Holy Crow. What a moment. Lets keep going….

Vs. 30 “But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

Vs. 31a “Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.” I just love that it says immediately. Not he let him get all the way under then grabbed him….immediately! It shows such care and compassion that Jesus has for us. I love that. 

Vs. 31b “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

There are so many lessons we can learn from this passage, Peter’s bold faith when the others stayed in the boat (who weren’t wrong for doing so), we learn about the love and compassion of Jesus. 

I think for me the main thing was this: 

We are all on a boat and Jesus is inviting us out of that boat. We aren’t wrong if we stay in the boat, he loves us either way, but he is INVITING us into something deeper. A deeper trust. A deeper dependency. A deeper love. A deeper experience that will touch the height of the human existence…if we step out.

Our crisis of faith will be that we do not trust that He can use us. We believe it for everyone else….but ourselves. The disciples knew God was able; they just didn’t believe He could make THEM able. 

I am this exact way….I am your biggest fan and supporter. I will cheer you on in the faith like no one else. I’ll challenge you to keep stepping out of that boat, and keep moving forward, but for Him to use me in that powerful way….I doubt. Yes, there are times I become like Peter. I get the gumption to take the step out of the boat, but then….I take my eyes off Jesus and when I “come to” and realize I am standing on water, I get scared and overwhelmed and let the reality of the situation hit me, and I quickly jump back into that boat. 

Lets not be like that!—Lets learn from Peter. Lets keep our eyes on Him and STAY on the water!! 

Is God calling you to something you are afraid of? Is he asking you to step out of your boat? Won’t you? Won’t you be bold and brave like Peter? I know you will, and when you do…..Don’t you dare lose that gaze on Jesus! Don’t you look to the right or to the left, you keep your eyes on Him, and you WALK!

WALK! Boldly on that water! 

He IS with us!! 

Praying your heart is encouraged as much as mine was. xo

36, Workouts, & Whiplash

What does 36, working out, and whiplash all have in common you ask? Me.

That's what, it has me!!

I started a new workout program, which will go unnamed, but it's the hardest program I have ever done. Truly. I started week two of month two yesterday and today I sit here with whiplash! Yes. My 36 year old self.....has whiplash. Frommmm aaaa burpee.......Unbelievable. 

Apparently I was trying to keep up with the insanely fast, and insane amount of burpee's being done on the video....resulting in whiplash. One may speculate I am a wild woman and can only imagine the scene of me fiercely doing burpees that could cause said whiplash---I say, I'm competitive and was pushing to keep up with the -more-toned-than-I'll-ever-be-cute little girl- who was pushing as hard as she could....and is probably 15 years my junior!!! 

Let it be known, I am 36, and have self inflicted whiplash.....from a workout. 

All I can do is laugh....but it hurts....but I laugh. Oh these old bones....

6 Months Left

Dear Dad,

I have been thinking, and I have known I needed to write you a letter to express my heart, but for obvious reasons haven’t wanted to face this and have been in denial. But I thought it was time to pull it together to share with you some of the fond memories I have of you and what I remember growing up.

I think some of my very first memories started in that apartment in Cheyenne. I can’t even remember how old I was, but I so clearly remember the day when you ran in with your hair permed. Haha we talked about this the last time I was there, but I just remember you running in, covering your head, and spending time in the shower scrubbing the chemical out!  So funny.

Around that same time I remember, you me and Jeremiah riding in the car together and you were being silly and you said you were “sleeping while driving.” You had one eye shut and I just remember being so amazed at how you were able to drive “with your eyes closed!!” I remember feeling “wow, my dad is cool! How does he DO that!!?” 

Other memories from Cheyenne were….I think we had a membership or just went to an indoor pool and one of my favorite memories of you was when you would play “shark” with me in the baby pool! Haha I remember screaming and trying as fast as I could to get away from you before you “ate” me. What fun, I loved that and had so much fun doing that with you.

I remember going to the baseball fields when you and mom were on a team with the church and watching you play, you loved it. I still remember you smiling and laughing.

I remember times at Harvest Time, even before the new building was built. We were in the older section & I remember being held by you in one of the services and remember you and mom singing praise songs. One thing growing up, that I used to be –a little embarrassed by—was that I didn’t have this “major life story.” One that was for the movies or some traumatic, dramatized, damaged story where you came to Christ and life was TOTALLY different. My story starts with, “I was born and raised in a Christian family….” And in my college years I really held onto that start of my story with pride! I am SO proud that I was born and raised in a Christian family. I am so glad my life didn’t have drama, or trauma, or something super tragically painful. I am so proud that my parents were following Christ and invited me into that journey as well. Its one area I take pride in with my girls—they GET to be born and raised in a Christian home….that doesn’t happen much anymore. So thank you. That is the best gift you could ever have given me, and now to my girls. Ok…back to the memories….

I remember the old house on VanBuren—specifically I remember when we would watch The Wizard of Oz, anytime that mean wicked witch came on the screen, I remember running into your arms and new I was protected and was consoled. She terrified me.

I remember times at dinner when I was in 1st grade and I would tell you stories of how I beat 5th graders at tetherball and how you would give me pointers on how to hit it so it would go over their heads—and it worked!! I rocked at tetherball! 

Then I remember the decision to move to Denver. I was so scared. I didn’t want to leave Cheyenne, and my friends, and what I knew. But we did it, and I know I was young, but I never regretted it.

In my story I say Denver is “where I grew up,” and it was. I was 10, and lived there till I was 21…I did a lot of growing up there.I remember the times you would come in our beds to wake us up and you would put your hands on our chests and shake us and tickle us. I loved and hated that! Haha but you know what—I do that to my girls now too! 

I remember going to the restaurants you managed and was so proud that you were my dad. I remember being impressed that you lead people, and you lead them well.

I remember times when you would sit down with me and I had questions about the bible—you would always take time to answer those for me, and I so appreciated that time. I looked (and still do) up to you so much because of the knowledge you had of the bible. I remember saying all the time, “My dad says in the bible….” Or “My dad told me about this story in the bible….” That made a huge impact on me.

There were times when I was 7 or 8 and I remember so vividly going through a stage where I was terrified you and mom were going to die. I remember in the middle of the night coming into your room and you would just talk me through it, and comfort me. You always pointed it back to God and said to pray and ask God to take that fear from me, when I start feeling that way, and he did. But I loved that I could come into your room and you didn’t get mad or put off by me, but were there to comfort me.

One of my most favorite memories of junior high, and a story I STILL tell often was: I remember coming into your room with my pants tight rolled at the bottom. You said to me, “Janna why do you wear your pants like that, you know its going to go out of style, right??” I remember the SHOCK and HORROR I felt when you said that and I whipped my head around and said, “DAD!!! This will NEVER go out of style!” hahaha I still crack up at that. Sure enough when I went to high school, the first day of 9th grade, I saw all the upper classmen did not have their pants tight rolled…..QUICKLY I took the rolls out and have not done it since! Haha I love that story. “DAD! This will never go out of style!!!!” Haha oh youth, right?

I remember times when I was sitting at the table doing math homework and I was so frustrated.  You came over, took time to help me and we figured it out together. I so appreciate times like that.

I even remember times when you had to discipline us, even in that, spanks were controlled, methodical, and lovingly done. I never once questioned your love for me—even in that.

There are so many memories of me coming to you for advice, and really listening to your wisdom. Almost everything I did was—I wonder what my dad would think.

What memories.

Then the memories of calling and saying, “Hey Mom, Hey Dad….I’m moving to Virginia…..” and you know, that was the moment where all the training, all the teaching, and the guidanceyou guys gave had come to ahead. You raised a good girl. You raised a girl that is more in love with Jesus now, than she ever has been. You raised a girl that is running hard toward Him, and delights in obeying Him. You raised a girl that was confident enough to know that it was more than a flippant decision to move across the country—it was a girl grounded in her faith, who trusted the unknown, because she was confident her God was with her—wherever she went. That says a lot about your character Dad.

Then come the memories of the wedding day, and the first baby, then the 2nd baby, then the holiday memories, and vacationmemories. I am so glad you are my Dad. You were handpickedfor ME! God knew I would need you in my life, he knew I would need to see the example of someone in the word, reading and learning more about who God is. God knew I would need a Dad that comforts yet had fun with us. God knew I would need a Dad that was so crafty with his hands and can make or fix just about anything. God knew I would need a Dad that was sensitive, and caring. God knew I would need a Dad that would walk out a terminal illness well. It’s a hard place to be right now. I am overwhelmed with waves of emotion as I think….the time is coming….then on the other hand I’m so excited for you Dad. All that training all that guidance all that knowledge—will soon become a reality. Its hard to grieve that. Its hard to want you to stay when we know what is coming—a new body, perfected, no pain, no illness, basking in the glory that is the One who Created all. And I get excited for you.

Its not over Dad, you are still here, I am praying you live every day you have to the fullest. I pray you would leave not one thing unsaid or undone. I pray you would press in like never before and lean into the one who made you, crafted, & created you. He’s not done with you yet, there is more to come, but for now; most of all, I pray you bask in the reality of the legacy you are leaving behind. Its been a good life—a full, rewarding, fun, life. You have taught all of us so much, and every season you have been in, you have left your personal mark on the people you have encountered. You are leaving a legacy that is being carried down to my girls, and prayerfully to their kids, then to their kids…..on and on. All because you CHOSE to live your life grounded and rooted in the Truth. That is a legacy I PRAY I leave as well.

You are so loved, and so special. You are perfectly & purposefully made.

I love you so so much Dad. ❤️

Janna

 

 

Hear. Believe. Yes. Do.

For those of you who do not know, I am a youth leader, and have been the past 8 years. We are in a new season, and we have switched the time we are now meeting. Our first service was last night, and I say it was a huge success! We had an awesome turn out of kids and leaders; there was high energy, excitement, and good teaching. One other thing we added was small groups. We will have the service time then the last 40 minutes of the night will be designated to small group time.

With this change, came a change for me as well. I have stepped out of the leading students’ role and into helping lead the women leaders’ role. With this season of life my husband and I are in; we have small children, so the time it takes outside of a Sunday to invest in a teen, (which involves going to pick up, take out, and take home), I just don’t have that kind of freedom with my schedule right now. Won’t always be that way, but for now it is. So it was said to be more efficient for me to help lead the leaders. This, in just a practical sense, is easier for me right now because they can drive and come to me during the kids nap time! So….all that to say we are in a new season in youth ministry; one I am very excited about.

God also has been taking me personally through a season of some tough stuff. Looking back there are some things that have really stood out to me. These four things are the things I want to take to my leaders and pray it filters down to the students. 

This new season we are in, is a time to dig in deep, to press in to what God has for us personally and as a ministry. The things he has taught me are to what I believe should be the paradigm in which we are to lead.

I want us to be leaders that: 

1.       HEAR what God says

2.       BELIEVE what God says

3.       Says YES to what God says

4.       DO what God says

With this, I have learned that when we hear from God, we are to actually believe what he says. Go figure. J He is trustworthy and smart and knows a whole lot more than we do…..we believe what he says. Then that believe needs to turn into a Yes. “Ok Lord—sounds totally crazy, but I trust you and will do/go/surrender.” Then the last part I didn’t really understand until this past season…..saying yes is one part, but actually DOING it is another. You have to do what he is asking. It’s a part of this and a significant step in the process—DO what He says.

In Hebrews 11 we read what is called the “faith chapter.” It is examples of people who have gone before us and were the ultimate example of how to have faith. One thing that quickly stood out to me is that all of these people have the same thing in common…..They Heard. They believed. They said yes. And they DID what God asked of them.

BUT the other side of this is, as Hebrews 11: 13-16says: “All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth.” 

If you go on to read down to verse 16, it says that “they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one….”

I think as girls/wives/leaders we can get so wrapped up in the “to do” we stop longing for a better country. Our eyes get so fixed on the things we have to do. Whatever your “to do” is…. whether it be for you working out, eating right, the spouse, the kids, the chores around the house; whatever it is for you, we lose sight of the fact that we should be LONGING for a better country. Longing is an intense word. It is defined as a yearning desire, and yearning is a feeling of intense longing for something. Did you catch that? It’s an INTENSE longing for. What if as women we actually did live this way: Hear, Believe, Said Yes, and do what God says? What if we took our eyes off us and what we had to do, and started longing again for a better country?

Wouldn’t we love differently? Wouldn’t we lead differently?  Wouldn’t we pass on something to younger generations just like Hebrews 11 passed on to us?

That is my heart and goal for us as women leaders. I want our gaze and our focus to be longing –desperate—earnestly seeking Jesus, to have every motivation, and action be because we are longing for a better country. To realize this is not our home, and that we are here on mission. We are not here to be “good people,” we have a responsibility to lead people to the feet of Jesus. We are in a short season here in life. We don’t have time to be longing for anything other than our home.

Lets become followers that hear, believe, say yes, and do. 

xo

Heart of a Leader

It's been a long two months in my world. A lot has happened. The two little kids we were hosting were taken back to their family. I was not expecting that type of grief I would face because of that. My family has been going through some medical issues and we have taken a trip back home to see family for the holidays. The high school Sunday morning services ended and we are preparing for them to resume on Sunday nights starting in January--to which I am very excited about. In preparation for that I was asked to talk about the heart of the leader at a leader training coming up. In the midst of my madness I feel the most inadequate to talk about this topic, especially in this particular season I am in. Isn't that kind of how it goes though? So we need His strength the most. As I have been preparing, some things have stuck out to me that I feel worth sharing. 

There is weight and responsiblity of being a leader of youth that I carry, and a lot that I've learned. Some of those things are:

*As a leader, I have learned, I have a  responsibility to show students what a true, living, breathing, dependent relationship with Jesus looks like. I am to demonstrate this by digging in deep with these students--showing them, modeling--LIVING a life in full submission to God. 

(Unfortunately my "full submission" living has only been 1/2 or 3 quarters submitted living recently. 😕 life gets crazy; I get that. We just need to stand back up, dust our knees off and try again. To which I will.) 

*I have also learned, I have a responsiblity to say yes to God. My yes, or no, affects the ministry he has given me. I am responsible for being faithful with the kids that God has given me to minister to. As we continue to say yes and are faithful to move into the areas God has asked us to, then God is responsible for the results. 

*One of the other main things I have learned is that, as a leader of youth, I have a responsiblity to be a catalyst of change for this generation. I have a unique platform that can (and will) shape the hearts to truly know the creator of the universe. 

There has been more that I've learned, but those are the main areas of truth I've been wrestling with. The come with a weight and a responsiblity that I can't shake.  If you think of it, pray for us, our high school leaders and as we attended a training on Jan. 11th to begin this new season! Excited and totally scared all in one! xo

Overrated

I went out of town this past week to visit family. It was just me that went, and so as you can imagine there was a lot of travel time that was just for....me. No juggling kids, extra baggage, or anything else to be responsible for, outside of me. It was nice. And so...I read a book. An entire book! WOW!

The book I read was "Overrated" by Eugene Cho. I would suggest anyone to read this book, it was fantastic! You can find it here:
http://www.amazon.com/Overrated-More-Changing-World-Actually/dp/0781411122/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1414589590&sr=1-1&keywords=overrated+eugene+cho

In the book he asks these questions:

Who am I?

Whom do I serve?
What are my values?
Where am I going?

So in an attempt to digest the book I just read I wanted to slow down and take a minute to answer these questions. As I sat down to think about them, I realized this was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Not sure if it was hard because I really don’t know the answers, or because I’m afraid if I say the answers out loud it will permanently seal it in stone and I don’t want to be "committed" or "labeled" to these things forever? I want the freedom to add or subtract at any time. (Commitment issues much?) Haha I’m sure it’s a little of both.

So with the freedom to be fluid and allow some my answers to change at any point here are my answers for now.

Who am I?

I am called Janna
I am a wife to Jeremy
I am a mom to Ella and Alivia
I am an admin at B& W
I am a youth leader
I am a follower of Christ
I am a daughter to Dan & Joan
I am a sister to Jeremiah
I am a friend to many
I am a cake maker

Whom do I serve?

I serve the local church & God
I serve my husband
I serve my kids
I serve Christy, Debbie, and Joe by caring for Brock
I serve my coworkers

What are my values?
I believe Jesus is the son of God who came to make a way for us to be in communion with God.
I believe we are to love and serve the Lord wholeheartedly while we are here on earth.
I believe the Bible is the inspired word of God - that still speaks to us today.
I value kindness, love, and patience.
I believe we all have a choice - in every decision we make we have the right to choose.
I value life and believe its Gods decision to start or end life.
I believe that while we have the freedom of choice - God's will, will still be done.

Where am I going?

Ultimately wherever God leads me
I am going to move to a new place of leadership within high school ministries
i am going to move to a place of disciple my kids
I am going to a deeper place within scripture
I am going to a deeper place of surrender