When I speak you listen

Oh my oh my  all the things I'm learning (not) to do from having children. A simple phrase that sounds harmless from this 34 year old mouth, grieves my heart when its repeated out of my two year old mouth! (Yikes) She is a little parrot!

One of my favorite conversations with her so far  though has gone like this:
Ella: Jesus loves Sis, Dadda, and Momma!
Me: He does! and he loves you Ella!
Ella: Yah...but I'm a little bit sad at him.
Me: You're sad at Jesus?? Why??
Ella: Because he wants my heart, and I don't want to give it to him.
Me: .........................speechless

Hahah Isn't that story of most all our lives though!? He wants my heart but I don't want to give it to him...wow.
One thing I've found myself repeating over and over as we are in this year of the "twos" is "When I speak you listen!" If you are in this house, that will save you a lot of heartache and is attached with many less forms of consequence if you would just listen when I say to do something.

*stops dead in her tracks*
Well...isn't that EXACTLY what the Lord says to us. "Janna, if you would just LISTEN when I SPEAK or do what I say when I say to do it...how much better would you be?" Wow. Simple truths.

You see, I don't say "when I speak you listen" to Ella because I'm trying to Lord over her, or control her, or any other form of negative motivation....it is to HELP her be a better person. To shape her into a woman that fears & loves God. To make her into a trustworthy person who is making an impact for the Kingdom. THAT is why I say, "When I speak you listen."
Funny how that looks when I turn that inward. My oh my how many times has my Jesus had  to say, "Janna, When I speak, you listen! If you do, you will be so much better off, I promise you, this is for your own good...." And I wish I could say every time I made the right choice, but so often it is followed with my own way & then a consequence.
Boy how different would we be, if when He spoke we Listened??

A friend of mine...*ahem Crystal* started reading this book, "He Speaks to Me" By Priscilla Shirer. I was looking for a book to read & since she had suggested it I thought I would check it out. I am only on the 1st chapter but what a great first chapter! :)

She is using the example of Samuel and how as a boy he heard from God. She said something that struck something in me; she said,

"Samuel had positioned himself to acquire knowledge and wisdom, and his spiritual ears were open to hear God's voice. Because he reverence God, he was also prepared to obey God's word when it came."

First thing was, he positioned himself to acquire knowledge and wisdom. Isn't that the truth, we have to put ourselves in a position to acquire knowledge & wisdom. To place ourselves in environments where we CAN grow, and put ourselves around people who help us position ourselves to hear from God.
Second was, he was PREPARED to OBEY. Prepared to obey. OH wow. Can I get an amen. Perhaps all the times I've fussed & fought my Lord when he says "when I speak you listen" was because I didn't  PREPARE myself to OBEY. It takes discipline to obey, it takes laying down that very large "self monster" that is in all of us, and being WILLING to obey. I just loved that. What a fresh perspective!

So oh Lord, I pray this is a new step for me. When I hear your ever sweet loving words of "When I speak you listen" I pray my heart is ready and prepared to obey! Mold me, shape me, make me more and more like you! 

Made for More

Over the past few weeks I have been leading some of the high school women leaders through a study & a journey that the Lord has been bringing me on the past 8 months or so. Most of my time and energy has been spent on that and so my little blog friend, you get neglected. I’m sorry about that. Part of the neglect is because of the time factor, and the other part of it is, it’s hard to put into writing what has been happening in me, if that makes any sense. Also fear of not being able to adequately get out all that has been happening in me has been a block for me too. 

Let me rewind a bit to give a little context to where my mind is right now. 

Last August I knew that I was going to be going part time in January of this year. Once I was freed up with not having to work so much, I knew it would be time for me to start serving again. Where though, was the bigger question?  In my mind and selfishly I wanted to join my dear friend in a ministry she was heading up & has been leading for some time. We haven’t been in ministry together in over 5 years, and quite frankly I was ready to start serving with her again & have our roads intersect again. As it is now we are just kind of running a parallel life. On two different roads, heading the same direction & every now & then we’ll make a turn and our roads connect here & there but then we go back to our own straight roads; not a bad thing, both moving in the same direction, just on different roads. Which is ok, I was just ready for us to be on the same roads again. That was MY plan. You all know how that goes. 

So as I’m thinking of where to serve the Lord just was saying to me, do not worry about “where” you will serve or the end result, just take each step as I give it to you, and move into it. So that is what I started to do. On my knees asking for direction, He did what He said he would, He gave me each step as it was needed to be given. The first step was to start researching insecurity. So I did. Which lead me to reading Beth Moore’s book, So Long Insecurity. This book along with the Word has drastically changed the trajectory of my life. Not wanting to manufacture any of the thoughts & visions I was having, I said to the Lord, if you want this to happen, you are going to have to make it happen, I’m not going to do any of this. I will do what you ask, but I’m not going to talk about it with anyone. Not even my husband. 

As the months past, I just kept pouring myself into this research of what this thing insecurity looks like played out in women’s lives specifically. Still not thinking about what was to come of any of this, just moving into each step as it was given, the dreaded day came when I heard the news that one of my former high school students that I lead, was in a car accident & died. I was so broken for her, for her family, for all the friends she left behind, but most importantly broken because I didn’t know 100% where she went. She prayed a prayer with me, but if you look at her life & the evidence of fruit….too much to bear. 

Then another piece of this puzzle came, “Now, all that research you have been doing on insecurity, I want you to bring it to high school girls & empower them to live differently.” HIGH SCHOOL?? Um Lord, I’ve been there done that & look at what happened to the one girl I gave 110% to…..Then again….”I want you to bring this to high school girls & empower them to live differently.” Ugh. Ok Lord. 

Still not have mentioning any of this to anyone, I began to write. The Lord birthed in me a six week study for these teen girls. A lot of it is from the truths I learned in Beth Moore’s book. All of this was around November 2012, and as clear as I can remember it one night I was falling asleep, and some of you who know me well know I love my sleep! Its precious to me.  Well just as I was about to fall into that deep sleep, the Holy Spirit woke me up & said, “Call it Made for More.” I thought, oh yeah that’s a good title. Falling almost to sleep again His voice came again, “Wake up, write it down. Made for More” Arguing, I didn’t want to get up so I replied, I’ll write it down in the morning. Again it came firmer now, “You will not remember, WAKE UP and write it down!” Ok Ok Lord, I’m up! So I wrote down the title in my notes section of my iPhone.

Around December, as I was finishing up things, I felt the next step in this is to let someone else in on it. So I told my husband what had been going on in my heart & where I felt like God was leading me. He was truly supportive, but also cautioned me in not getting head of the Lord, but staying in step with Him. Which I totally appreciate that he said that. Through this whole process that has been my prayer, I don’t want to walk too far ahead of you Lord, and I don’t want to lag too far behind, I just want to keep in step with you. So I appreciate his wisdom.  Then I felt it was time to talk to the lady who leads the women leaders in high school. I just told her my heart & what has been happening, and if she would have me I would like to come back to serve in high school ministry. Sweetly enough, she welcomed me with open arms.  

So since January of this year, I have been just resting & waiting on the Lord. Have what you will with this study, I am open, I hold it loosely. I truly feel like this is from Him and because of that, HE will make things happen with it if He chooses or not. February the women leader asked me to take the other women leaders through the made for more study. Ugh, and if any of you know me, I am not eloquent in speech.  I am not a “presenter.” Its one thing to bring teens through this but my peers??? That I can’t do. The Lord in His sweet graciousness, reminded me of the journey I too was on. That not only were these girls made for more, but I was made for more. I am made for more than letting lies & insecurity hinder His work in my life anymore. I am made for more than the lies I believe about myself. I am made for more than living less than He has called me to. I am worth far more than I give myself credit for, because HE lives IN ME! So I moved into the next step. 

I am still walking out these steps He is given me. We are on week four of the study, and what He has for this study after the leaders go through it, I don’t know. I don’t know if this will ever make it to the teens. I don’t know if this was purely for me. For the first time I am willing to work through my insecurities & still press in & press through them, because I BELIEVE what He says about me. Finally! So here is to the next step, whatever that looks like in me. All I can say with confidence is: we were 

MADE FOR MORE!

Always

There will always, always, always be someone better than you at something. There will always be someone who writes better, who communicates better,  sings better, dances better, cooks better, or who looks better. There will always be someone who is a better friend. Someone who is a better wife. Someone who is a better artist, photographer, doctor, dentist. Whatever "it" is for you....there will always be someone  who is better at it than you.
AND THAT IS OK!
I love this quote by Beth Moore, "Where on earth did we come up with the idea that we had to SUBTRACT VALUE from ourselves in order to GIVE CREDIT to someone else?!"
I love that.
Guys....just because someone does something a little better than you does not mean you get to devalue all if you. It is ok! There will always, always, always be someone better than you at things. Let's embrace that, find our value in who God says we are and CELEBRATE when someone does something a little bit better.  It does not mean we have to subtract value from ourselves.
Let's go in confidence today, knowing we are different, knowing we have different strengths, knowing we have different talent levels, and let's live out who God says we are! ♥

Things I'm Observing

Since going part time I have had many afternoons to observe my two girls. Ella, who is 2 1/2, and Alivia who is 7months. Things I have been observing:

• Innocence. I love just watching the innocence in each one of them. Their faces light up with the smallest of things. The world is always right in their eyes. Love that. 

• Mommy kisses really do have magical powers. Each time my oldest daughter gets hurt a requirement of healing is a kiss from Mom on the area that was hurt. Love that. 

• Everything is new and exciting. I love that the mir mention of going to the store gets a reaction as tho we have won the lotto. 

• Everything is an adventure. In the past two months I have traveled over the big mountain, to the blue lake, through the dark caves, to the green forest & on to the princess castle. All the while with Captain Ella steering us with the wheel of the stroller. It has been quite fun! 

• Sibling rivalry starts at a much younger age than I ever thought possible. 

• Headbands do not serve a purpose, as say keeping hair out of the face, as some would think. They are indeed princess crowns & should be worn everyday with any outfit. 

• Couches, tables, dresser drawers & counters were made so they could be jumped off of. 

• Everything must be explored. Whether it is learning how to fold laundry, help make dinner, help make the bed, or putting on make up or painting fingernails & toes, it must be explored.

• There are only four food groups worth trying: Milk, mac & cheese, waffles, and peanut butter & jelly sandwiches. 

and last but not least...

• There will be testing daily. Some times they are bigger tests than others, but all in all there will be a test to see how far the limit can be pressed before a consequence. 

I love watching them grow & learn! Needless to say, I'm having a blast! ♥ 

Who is like you?

Exodus 15:11
"Who among the Gods is like you, O Lord?
Who is like you - majestic in holiness,
awesome in glory,
working in wonders?

Who is like you God? Who. is. like. you? No matter what, in every situation - who is like my God? I am studying the book of Deuteronomy with the help of Beth Moore. It is a six week study, and I'm on week two. In all of the books, in all the Bible, Deuteronomy is not one I would have ever thought I would stop & study....but here I am, and I am learning SO much. Not only because Beth Moore can bring the word down to a level I understand, but because His word IS alive and it changes people.

Its funny looking back on how I got to this place of studying Deuteronomy...I will be able to expound on this more later, but for now just know it is a journey of empowerment in who God says I am. Who He IS & who he wants us to be. Its been amazing.
The biggest thing I've taken from Deuteronomy right now is in chapter 1 verse 8: "See, I have given you this land. Go in & take possession of the land that they Lord swore he would give to your fathers - to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob - and to their descendants after them" (us).
A little back ground...God had freed the Israelites from the hand of slavery, and was about to take them to the land He had promised them.
*Did you know* from Horeb where Moses was taking to the Israelites in Deut. 1:1-8 was only an ELEVEN day journey to the promise land? 11 days.
Look at Deut. 2:14 -- Thirty-eight years had past.....overall it took 40 years. People...an 11 day journey to the promise land, to the place God had given them....all they had to do was walk into it.....took over all 40 years!
Is that crazy?
If you keep reading through Deuteronomy you will see that it was only because of their lack of trust of God & their fear kept them stuck.
Its sad really.
Granted yes I know it was for the greater plan, I get that, but how often in my life do I do this? Can anyone go there with me? God has this amazing plan, has this thing waiting for us...we can't fully see what it is, but we sit back on the side lines pacing back & forth wondering, stressing, contemplating is it for real? Does He really have a great thing for me? Can I really trust what He says, oh no...should I do it? Ugh I'm scared...then all the self doubt creeps in, I'm not good enough, what if I don't communicate well enough, what if I mess up what He's asking me to do?
And then before we know it....40 years have past.
Anybody?

I don't know about you, but I refuse to take 40 years to get to the promise land. To this letting go & letting God idea. Trusting that HIS plan is better than mine. Trusting that as I'm standing on the edge of that cliff looking down at the huge drop below me, I can shut my eyes & take the biggest leap I have ever taken.....and He WILL CATCH ME. He will catch us.

What would it look like if we started to operate out of the idea of "Who is like you O Lord?" WHO is like YOU? No one is more trust worthy...no one. When in my life has he EVER failed me? Who is like you Lord? What would it be like if we took that leap into what ever he is asking....today....instead of waiting 40 years?

Oh Lord, you are so trustworthy, you are majestic in holiness, you are so worth it. Make us into people that love you first and then through that love for you we start to live for you-- fully. Who is like my God? 

Psalm 63

O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly;

My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You,

In a dry and weary land where there is no water.

      

Thus I have seen You in the sanctuary,

To see Your power and Your glory.

Because Your loving kindness is better than life,

My lips will praise You.

So I will bless You as long as I live;

I will lift up my hands in Your name.

My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness,

And my mouth offers praises with joyful lips.

When I remember You on my bed,

I meditate on You in the night watches,

For You have been my help,

And in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy.

My soul clings to You;

Your right hand upholds me

Psalm 63:1-8 is my heart right now. If you look over it, look at the strong strong words...earnestly...thirsts....yearns...those are intense words. Oh to be in this place everyday. Longing, thirsting, yearning to be in His presence. 

Then you go on...the above is happening because David saw His power & His glory. He KNEW that Gods love was better than life...and the only response he had was to lift up his hands, be satisfied, and offer praises with His joyful lips. 

Davids soul clung to Him...and he knew that his hand was holding him. 

What a beautiful picture. He could say these things because he knew the character of God. He knew Him & walked with Him. He knew his love was better than life. 

What a challenge to each one of us & questions I'm asking myself....Can we honestly say we thirst, yearn for Him? Do we cling to Him? Is His love better than life? 

It is well...with my soul

To say this past week was hard is an understatement. My church family had a family, who is very close to my some of my dearest friends, loose their two year old daughter. In all of my life I have never, never seen a family respond in wanting to love God & make His name greater than their grief. Watching them move through this, truly changed me. And many others. I have not been directly involved in walking with this family, but as my close friends have, I have felt their heartache. I have ached inside for them & wept many times on their behalf. I have watched the body of Christ in ACTION. I keep seeing this picture of two people who are trying their best to hold themselves up, and under their arms are great & dear friends holding them up, and as the task gets harder & hard, those friends become weak & need help. So more friends come under those friends & lift their arms up as they hold the family up, as those get weak more come & hold them up, then more come under them, and more & more keep coming. Holding one another up.
That is the body. Doing life together. Moving & aching, weeping & morning, rejoicing, and worshiping. Together.
That is the body of Christ. I have seen this displayed in many ways throughout the years, but none like this. Perhaps its because I am closer to the grief than I have been before. Either way. This is faith lived out.
So we respond like Job. All of us in our different levels of loving & walking with this family through this grief & we say:

42 Then Job answered the Lord and said, 

“I know that You can do all things,

And that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.

‘Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?’

Therefore I have declared that which I did not understand,

Things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.”

‘Hear, now, and I will speak;

I will ask You, and You instruct me.’

“I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear;

But now my eye sees You;

Therefore I retract,

And I repent in dust and ashes.” 

Job 42:1-6

So Lord, whatever you have for us we will walk in your truth. You ARE good. We don't always understand, but you are God & we are not. I am praying with my family that lives would come to know you through this situation. As we walk through this life from here on out, would you helps us to trust you more and say....whatever may come...whatever will be.....it is well, with my soul. ♥