Solomon

I’ve been in an odd place these past 4 or 5 months. Just kind of “wandering” I guess you could say. Not really grounded, but rather trying to balance & figure out this new life I have. I don’t think I’m doing a very good job either most days. Sometimes I take a step back & look at me, how I’m acting, what I’m doing, or the situations I’m in & wonder if, to God, I look like a little child throwing a temper tantrum. I’m pretty sure I look like that more often than not.
Which breaks my heart.
This morning I was reading in 1 Kings. It hit me right where I’m at in life.
I don’t want to act like a spoiled brat with God. I don’t. I want to have Solomon’s heart; I want to respond like he does, in this passage…

1 Kings 3:4-15
4 The king went to Gibeon to offer sacrifices, for that was the most important high place, and Solomon offered a thousand burnt offerings on that altar. 5 At Gibeon the Lord appeared to Solomon during the night in a dream, and God said, “Ask for whatever you want me to give you.”
6 Solomon answered, “You have shown great kindness to your servant, my father David, because he was faithful to you and righteous and upright in heart. You have continued this great kindness to him and have given him a son to sit on his throne this very day.
7 “Now, O Lord my God, you have made your servant king in place of my father David. But I am only a little child and do not know how to carry out my duties. 8 Your servant is here among the people you have chosen, a great people, too numerous to count or number. 9 So give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong. For who is able to govern this great people of yours?”
10 The Lord was pleased that Solomon had asked for this. 11 So God said to him, “Since you have asked for this and not for long life or wealth for yourself, nor have asked for the death of your enemies but for discernment in administering justice, 12 I will do what you have asked. I will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be. 13 Moreover, I will give you what you have not asked for–both riches and honor –so that in your lifetime you will have no equal among kings. 14 And if you walk in my ways and obey my statutes and commands as David your father did, I will give you a long life.” 15 Then Solomon awoke –and he realized it had been a dream.
He returned to Jerusalem, stood before the ark of the Lord’s covenant and sacrificed burnt offerings and fellowship offerings. Then he gave a feast for all his court.

I want a discerning heart too. I want to be able to distinguish between right & wrong in the very moment that I’m faced with it, whether it be at work, in friendships, in those tense moments with Jeremy at times, times where I am in the mood of “I want what I want, when I want it!”, etc. I want to be able look back on situations or my actions & be like, I did it! I responded correctly the first time! Not…darn it! Why did I respond like that?? I want a fully surrendered heart to God, always…not just some days. I want to be able to respond to Jeremy in the ways a wife fully surrendered to God would. I want to be able to give advice, discernment to hurting friends & know that its God breathed. I want to be so full of Him that there is no way anyone could say, wow Janna you’re great…but that they would respond with, WOW that is ALL God working through you! I want to ask for things that make a difference in his kingdom, not for things that “I want.”
I want God to be able to respond to me like he responded to Solomon, and say, “Janna, since you have asked for this and not for long life or wealth for yourself, nor have asked for the death of your enemies but for discernment in administering justice, I will do what you have asked. I will give you a wise and discerning heart.”

And you know what the beauty of the whole thing is….is that once we (I) get to a point of full submission to Him, and where we’re like none of it matters, nothing else but you & me, God. God, in all his sweet, caring, kindness, not only gives us what we asked for, but even more than we asked for…..look at vs 12:

12 I will do what you have asked. I will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be. 13 Moreover, I will give you what you have not asked for–both riches and honor –so that in your lifetime you will have no equal among kings. 14 And if you walk in my ways and obey my statutes and commands as David your father did, I will give you a long life.”

He blows me away. You want a sweet guy, ladies….look to Him. He is so unexplainably sweet to us! If we will just lay down our “rights” what we “are owed”….or what we think we “deserve”. And he WANTS to pour out on us, but he wants a surrendered heart…first.

I don’t know how many times I have to learn this lesson, or how many times I will have to keep learning it, but I hope they are few & far between from this point on.
Give me Solomon’s heart Lord. ♥