Convergence

Yesterday ended up being a really good day...in regards to my emotional state. :) 
I just felt God's peace through these verses especially in this one in Romans 8:26-28:


“…the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" 


There is just a comfort in knowing that when I can't get the words out or know exactly how to pray the Spirit is interceding on my behalf.....and I love that its on behalf in accordance with God's will. Not Janna's will, not Janna's hopes or desires, but in accordance with God's will. There is SUCH a comfort and peace in that...and just like I was praying yesterday, I can go in confidence in this situation. I don't have to cower in fear of the unknown...the unknown might not look like "my plan"...but then again...has ANY of this been my plan?? Ugh no. hahah So its like why do I feel like I need or should try to control this too? I just was encouraged yesterday...that it will be ok. Either way...it WILL be ok. I will be ok. 


So as I'm focusing on those verses yesterday....I went to Leighanne's (birth mom) fb page....and guess what verses were on her page? Yep those exact ones. 
Convergence. 
I just cried, again. (Surprise), but just that I never stopped to think about this from HER point of view and how her heart is feeling....and just to know how the Spirit is interceding for her too but in a totally different way. Just floored me, and it was a sweet picture of how big His love is for all of us. 
It was such a good day. And good moments for me. 


Also...we did it, we bought a toddler bed for Ella & then the baby can just use her crib....it is the most surreal thing in the world to hear my husband, who fought kids like crazy, saying things to Ella like, one day baby we'll buy you & your sister that. Ella you & your sister will this....you & your sister will that. I think I might have died & not known it. hahah That is seriously only the creator of the universe doing a HUGE work. Its explained by no other way. none. So as I was sitting there listening him talk about the future baby wilk.....the Spirit just whispered to me... "jump in with him Janna. Enjoy this with him."  I'm sitting back on the sidelines fearing what "could be" and he's jumping in having a blast thinking & planning & hoping for our future. What is this?! I've never had the chance to have a husband on the same page kid wise, and now here we are and I'm going to ruin these moments sitting on the sidelines crying because its "too risky"?  To risky to what, love? To risky to pour your heart out & that what....it might get broken? Someone asked me yesterday...what is so scary about this process....and after explaining a little of the fear, I was like...you know what...at the end of all this, fear is not from God. Its rooted in self and I just am not going to go there anymore. This is clearly a God ordained situation....and a God ordained outcome it will be, and I can TRUST THAT. And WIIL trust that. 


So for today....for the rest of this journey....I'm giving my heart. I'm getting EXCITED. I'm jumping, arms open wide, wind in my hair, and in the most amazing swan dive you have ever see.....so here I go! 
WE'RE HAVING A BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY CROW!!!!! hahahaha 
That felt scary to say. 
But thats where I'm going, its so much more fun to operate in excitement than fear anyway. So here's to planning, here is to our first appointment on Monday!!! Here's to hearing our baby's heart beat for the first time, and here is to PICKING a name! Goodness, we can't decide on one. and lastly here is to you Lord, you are amazing. You set things in motion, you put a stop to them, you guide them, you move them, you heal them, you mold them, you are it. The beginning & ending. Operating in fear is not trusting these things are true, and I trust you. Even at the risk of feeling hurt. I trust you. 
Here we GO!!!! eeeeekkkkkk