Not Mine

So...as we are on week 38 of waiting on baby Liv to arrive, I have noticed something happening. My grip. It keeps getting tighter & tighter. I keep trying to close it on this situation & hold it as tight as I can...a false sense of control. Yesterday a comment (again) was made. It was pretty thoughtless & just flat out embarrassing & awkward for me. I don't do awkward. It makes me want to run & hide. But I faced it & it was dealt with...still doesn't mean it didn't sting a little. It did & I still cringe when I think of it...but something came out of it.

Sometimes I really just don't think I can do this adoption thing. Its hard. Its so stressful. I don't do stress. I like easy laid back life....and then God reminded me....He brought up the story of Ella. How I didn't plan her, he GAVE her to me. And he reminded me just like he started that good work in her, He ALSO started this good work in Alivia & will finish it. It is not mine to grab onto. Its not mine to hold tightly to. They are not "MINE." They are His & he has entrusted them to me. This was a lesson I learned two years ago, and as my grip was almost turning bright red from grasping so hard...He gently reminded me again, "She is not yours Janna. She is mine & I'm allowing you to raise her." Ugh. Broken. Got it loud & clear Lord, and my fingers were pried open.

This is not my situation to carry. He has this...he is walking and leading me...I need to be faithful to follow. Its so hard to follow sometimes, but in his grace...he gives us 2nd changes...all the time. Lord forgive me for grabbing this situation. I can NOT manufacture a Divine outcome & that's what I asked for. Lead on. <3