Blemished Sacrifices

This morning I was reading in Malachi....and what I came across was a passage of verses that grieved my heart. Grieved in that convicted way, but also in a way of hearing how this hurts God when we do this. That is new for me...I mean I know it hurts God when we are apathetic toward his name...but in these verses I just really heard & felt the hurt in his words...take a look:

Malachi 1:6-14
6 “A son honors his father, and a slave his master. If I am a father, where is the honor due me? If I am a master, where is the respect due me?” says the LORD Almighty.
“It is you priests who show contempt for my name.
“But you ask, ‘How have we shown contempt for your name?’
7 “By offering defiled food on my altar.
“But you ask, ‘How have we defiled you?’
“By saying that the LORD’s table is contemptible. 8 When you offer blind animals for sacrifice, is that not wrong? When you sacrifice lame or diseased animals, is that not wrong? Try offering them to your governor! Would he be pleased with you? Would he accept you?” says the LORD Almighty.
9 “Now plead with God to be gracious to us. With such offerings from your hands, will he accept you?”—says the LORD Almighty.
10 “Oh, that one of you would shut the temple doors, so that you would not light useless fires on my altar! I am not pleased with you,” says the LORD Almighty, “and I will accept no offering from your hands. 11 My name will be great among the nations, from where the sun rises to where it sets. In every place incense and pure offerings will be brought to me, because my name will be great among the nations,” says the LORD Almighty.
12 “But you profane it by saying, ‘The Lord’s table is defiled,’ and, ‘Its food is contemptible.’ 13 And you say, ‘What a burden!’ and you sniff at it contemptuously,” says the LORD Almighty. “When you bring injured, lame or diseased animals and offer them as sacrifices, should I accept them from your hands?” says the LORD. 14 “Cursed is the cheat who has an acceptable male in his flock and vows to give it, but then sacrifices a blemished animal to the Lord. For I am a great king,” says the LORD Almighty, “and my name is to be feared among the nations.

Do you hear it too? Especially in v.13-14...just the arrogance of the people trying to trick Him by bringing a blemished sacrifice to him...as if he wouldn't figure it out?

It reminds me of a time in elementary school. It was picture day & pictures were super important to my mom. She did the whole go buy a new outfit, curl my hair, made sure I was all put together because the pictures had to be just right. Well this was around the time of those plastic necklaces...the ones with the charms that hung off them. Ringing a bell to anyone? Here is a picture for those who don't know what they are.


So anyway...my mom was super adamant that I did not wear that for my pictures. Well being the clever child I was I thought I would just put on the charm necklace just before the picture & then take it off right after so she wouldn't know it was on me. Well as you all can imagine...she got the pictures back a few weeks later.....and she saw the necklace I was wearing. Oh man, hahah I still remember getting in trouble for that one! haha

But just like the people of Judah...did I not know she would find out? It just really hit home for me & reminded me that this is the GOD of the UNIVERSE. When I bring sacrifices to him...do I not think he will know that they are blemished (if they are?). Even my "sacrifices" of giving him my "leftover time" or my left over money, leftover energy, lack of worship...on & on. Do I not know this grieves him?
Such a good reminder.

I am currently on the Ethiopia team & we've been talking a lot about becoming a Mary instead of a Martha. There are a few of us who are very much Martha's & we are trying to learn from the Mary's of our group...may we just sit at his feet. Not try to plan or manufacture an outcome...but just sit & rest at his feet. I think if I did this better...then I would never have to worry about my sacrifices being blemishes.

An answer

I am sorry for the vagueness of this post.
Just know, the Lord, the creator of this universe, the reason we are here...hears us. and answers! I see him do it all the time. He is amazing, and LOVES us!!! Filthy little selfish us...he really does love us.
wow. I'm in awe.
Amazing.
Thanks for that Lord, may you be honored more today than you were yesterday.

Hannah's Prayer

Hannah’s Prayer is from 1 Samuel 2:

1 Then Hannah prayed and said:
“My heart rejoices in the Lord;
in the Lord my horn[g] is lifted high.
My mouth boasts over my enemies,
for I delight in your deliverance.
2 “There is no one holy[h] like the Lord;
there is no one besides you;
there is no Rock like our God.
3 “Do not keep talking so proudly
or let your mouth speak such arrogance,
for the Lord is a God who knows,
and by him deeds are weighed.
4 “The bows of the warriors are broken,
but those who stumbled are armed with strength.
5 Those who were full hire themselves out for food,
but those who were hungry hunger no more.
She who was barren has borne seven children,
but she who has had many sons pines away.
6 “The Lord brings death and makes alive;
he brings down to the grave[i] and raises up.
7 The Lord sends poverty and wealth;
he humbles and he exalts.
8 He raises the poor from the dust
and lifts the needy from the ash heap;
he seats them with princes
and has them inherit a throne of honor.
“For the foundations of the earth are the Lord’s;
upon them he has set the world.
9 He will guard the feet of his saints,
but the wicked will be silenced in darkness.
“It is not by strength that one prevails;
10 those who oppose the Lord will be shattered.
He will thunder against them from heaven;
the Lord will judge the ends of the earth.
He will give strength to his king and exalt the horn of his anointed.”


I am learning a lot from Hannah lately. She & I have similarities in our stories. Don’t miss my point this isn’t about having or not having a child, its much more than that. However, She prayed & prayed for a child, but it wasn't until Gods timing that he chose to give her one...and eventually 6!

While I am not in the same place I was 2 or 3 years ago in the area of my heart yearning & wanting a baby; I am on the other side of it.

I am trying to learn what it looks like to rejoice in each moment & remember the blessing he poured out on me. I tend to look for that next thing. When this, when that, what's next?
I just really want to sit and rest at his feet. Become a Mary. Marveling at what he has already done. This doesn't necessarily have to do with “more kids” either; it applies to very area of my life.
I want to come to a place in my life where I can sit, rest easy & as the commentary so eloquently said it, be like Hannah.

“Hannah praised God for his answer to prayer. The theme of her poetic prayer is her confidence in God’s sovereignty & her thankfulness for everything he had done.
By praising him we acknowledge his ultimate control over all the affairs of life.”

Lord, give me that same kind of confidence, in everything I face. Every day. I want to DELIGHT in obedience toward you. I want to have an unwavering faith. Not one that expects you to do things for me, but one that is confident you HEAR me, all of me; in good & bad times, soft & hard times, strong & insecure times….. Refine me.

Slightly Humbled

Its so funny in my life...when things happen or don't happen I'm so quick to say but why? Lord, why? What can I do to see the answer I want to see? What can I do to change this situation? What can I do to make this person see my point of view :) etc etc. But you get my drift.
I read on twitter today from Andy Stanley, he said, "What if God doesn't owe us an explanation? What if he is....God?"
That just stopped me in my tracks. I question, I analyze, I wonder, I try to manufacture....and I never just stop & think about this statement. What if he doesn't owe me an explanation??? Which he DOESN'T, at all. I apparently feel like I'm entitled to one though. Which who am I to question the Creator of this Universe? I have a lot of guts to question Him.
Feeling sightly humbled this morning.

Thanks for your gentle yet powerful corrections Lord.
Love you. <3

Hard Converstations

I don't like having hard conversations. I don't like it even more when my friends or the people I love have to have them with someone. I want to defend, and stand in their way & ward off anyone who is trying to hurt them!
BACK UP! Janna is here & swinging! :)
BUT I love when God shows up & changes people from the inside out & you see Him get the glory!!
YAY! God! Kind of makes the hard conversations worth it....hmmm well...a little more bearable how about that! :)

Blonde again

Oh my.
What have I done.
hahah

For those of you who know me well, you know for the past year I've been trying to grow my hair out to my natural color. Which when I was young my hair was blonde, but as I got older, it just kept getting darker so I started to highlight it....well when I got pregnant with Ella, I decided it was a good time to go all natur-al! :)

I got my hair cut recently & that pretty much cut out all the blonde that I had remaining on the ends of my hair. So thats when I started getting comments about oh wow you dyed your hair brown. Wow you dyed your hair...nothing followed these comments either. haha cracks me up because you know when people don't follow those comments with anything, you know they aren't the biggest fan of the look. Which is fine, I wasn't either, I just wanted to see what my natural color would look like.

So I let it go that way for a month or so...and I just couldn't take it anymore. I would see pictures of me with my dark hair & look in the mirror & was like...eeek that just isn't me. Which is really odd because how can your natural color "not be you??" haha

So of course instead of going to the professionals to get me back to the color I think best suits me...I decide to save some money & have a friend do it.
How many at home dye mistakes do I have to have in order for it to sink in that, I can not do this at home & make it look right.
Well apparently my cheap self needed one more try.

disaster.
wow.
hahahah so I am frantically trying to get into a salon today or tomorrow to fix the mess that I made. But for now, I have my hair pulled as far back away from my face as possible, and so far no one has made one comment! that's a good sign! It might have helped that I wore a really big bulky necklace that is distracting people from looking at my face...but hey! Whatever works! :)

Still Transitioning

Wow...April & May are a blur...I know that there were a couple weeks that Jeremy was in Nepal, I know there was days spent at the pool, and I know that there were pictures taken of Ella...other than that...I can't believe its gone. We are moving into the 11th month of lil Miss Ella's life! I can't believe in a month & a 1/2 we'll be celebrating her 1st birthday! I remember this time last year, like it was yesterday...just waiting her arrival, wondering what she will will like, wondering if I'll be able to adjust to life with a baby. I must say it has been a bigger transition than I anticipated. I just didn't really understand all the emotions, feelings, the changes that take place during this transition. Before you have kids its like, I know I want that, I do! I do! but what you don't know is what comes with it....not bad stuff. I would never trade what I have now to go back to what I did have, but its just a transition.
I feel really sad I missed a huge service at Blue Ridge last night...and it was because we didn't have a sitter to be with Ella...which is totally fine, I enjoyed being home with her...but you don't think about little things like missing out on a 1st Wednesday service because a baby needs to get to bed. :)

I hope you don't think I'm complaining, because I so am not...its just a transition. one that I am embracing & getting used to. one that does have a lot of lonely times too, but one that, again, I wouldn't trade for anything.
Confused yet? hahah

So yeah, a word of encouragement for those who want a different stage of life than they currently have. Don't. Embrace the moments you are in, love the stage you are in, live every moment for the moment it is, because when it does change...you will look back & be like...wow...ok, new phase of life...here we go. (if that makes any sense).

Even in these transitions God has been so sweet to me, and walking me through it all...I feel sometimes like I'm walking with my hands out in front of me and I'm blind, and have no clue where I'm going or what I'm doing, but at the end of the day I can feel him holding my hand & leading me & that's all that matters.

So here is to another day of walking blindly & wondering if I'm the only one in the world that has felt like this with a baby...but I will keep talking & moving forward & just trust that I am doing the right thing.