Held

Have you ever been in those seasons of life that are hard, but without a shadow of a doubt you knew you were being held by the creator of the universe? We are entering week 4 of having two extra kids in our home, and without a shadow of a doubt it has been the most challenging thing I've ever done. Ever. Keep in mind I'm a wimp, and from a Leave It to Beaver type family dynamic so this has rocked my little type A personality a little bit. Needing a plan, having structure, being orderly, and on time has been thrown by the wayside. There are days I feel like I'm in the ocean treading water and all that is showing is my face enough for breath. From sibling style arguments, from messes that would shock anyone, to the 2-3 laundry loads I do in a day (yes! in a day! who uses THAT much stuff to be washed, right??), to being a counselor, to being a manager of good manners, to wiping tears, to reading books, and becoming a waitress. This past week the treading water, face gasping for air was diminished by His church; our core group. I have never in my life felt more held by my Heavenly Father. I was suppose to attend my women's small group one Saturday morning, and it was my only morning that I was able to sleep in (which is 7am), so I kindly bowed out and said I was not going to make it. Well His church, the body of Christ, what did they do? They rallied together and brought us breakfast! Not just a small breakfast either, I mean it was waffles, fresh fruit, juice, eggs, bacon! The works! It was amazing! Then this past week we have been feeling the financial strain of bringing two more mouths into our home. Mouths that actually eat! haha! Our girls are still in birdie stage and don't eat much, but these sweet kiddos are growing & they EAT! haha So we have a very strict budget that we follow (Thank you Dave Ramsey!), and we had gone through four weeks of food money in three weeks! Yes we have savings so we knew we would be ok, but do you know what His church, the body of Christ, our core group of friends, who are our family out  here, did? We were out all day yesterday and came home to a completely stocked refrigerator, stocked full freezer, stocked full pantry, and beautiful roses (my favorite) on the table with a note. I wept. I had no words, I just needed to weep. Held. I felt so completely held and loved by my Father who loves me, and cares for me, and knows me! He uses people to bless and to encourage, and to spur on. He is amazing. I have felt Him so much this past week in conversations that I KNEW were directly for me and my heart. I have felt Him in the new high school student I met today…who had the exact same story as Brooklyn and Brock. She was 8 & her brother was 4 when they came to the family who eventually adopted them. I wept. In front of my new friend that I just met who was a student and instead of me leading her, she was leading me. Held. My God is sweet to me and loves me in ways I had no clue he would love me. This week my treading, face hardly out of the water has turned into floating on top of the water with His hand on my back, being Held. I love Him, and am so honored that I get to walk this life out with him.

Life with the Wilkinson's

Life with the Wilkinson's looks a little different these days. Ok a lot different. We recently took in a sibling group (Brooklyn -8 & Brock -3) into our home. The set up was to be Sunday night through Thursday night & they would go back to mom for the weekend. Without going into too much detail they are with us this weekend too. :) We love how God has sent us the kids that he feels need to be in our home, and we are just walking each step out as it comes. Saying yes to Him has become our anthem. These past few weeks have not been pretty at times though. Yes, we have had some really fun times, but what people don't see are the breakdowns. The questions, why is my mom going out of town when she could be with us, questions. The cries and tears, the yells of when is Mommy coming to get me? Last Thursday as I fumbled myself through a conversation with Brooklyn trying to help her understand why she was here at our house….I found myself gasping for breath. I did my best to get through the conversation, but as I made my way to my room and shut the door behind me, I fell to my knees and just wept. My heart is broken in two for these kids, and have found myself falling for them. The self-protection side has kicked in too knowing they may not be with us after this summer. That in itself will be a whole new punch to the stomach, I'm sure of it.
These are good good kids, and I love watching how God has fashioned each one of them to land in this tiny two bedroom town home with us. Nov. 9th we said yes to foster care, and June 9th we intercepted two kids about to enter the system. He is a good God, and even through my protests of "Yes Lord I prayed for kids, but only two of them" He had a different plan. He has and is writing a story through these kids lives, and I can't wait to watch it unfold. We don't make plans past the day we are living in, because we don't really know. The only thing I really am planning is how on earth we are going to feed two more mouths! haha! These kids eat! Wasn't ready for that, but we are are on a budget and we used 4 weeks of food money in 3 weeks!! Hahah Shew! My two little ones are still in the "we hardly eat" stage, so we didn't really see a dent in our budget, but these other two eat! But you know in all of this, all the way back down to my first, Ella, he has made a way. All we have really "had to do" is say yes. So because of all the practice we have had to had saying yes, and watching him follow through; the whole food budget thing I know will be provided for as well. I love that He knows me so well, and knows all need those marker moments to look back on when I start to get all panicky and flustered. He is a good God, and I trust Him COMPLETELY.
So..life with the Wilkinsons….looks a lot different. A different I never would have dreamt up, but a different he fashioned and He put together, and I love this roller coaster of a life he has me on.
With that said…..we cherish your prayers, and need them daily. We don't know how to do this! :)
Hope everyone is well!! xoxo

I Just Laugh

Oh this is why I post blogs about what is happening in our lives and where God is taking us...so I can look back and read and see how he provides. Then I sit back and just laugh. He is the coolest thing ever really. From my last post, life has still been spinning but with good spins, relaxing spins,lots of time with Jeremy spins, it's been good. Then there is the biggest of all spins...June 9th we have two kids coming to move into our home! So Foster Care....we put that on hold because we were approached by a lady who was having a hard time getting on her feet and asked if we could help with her kids this summer. Of course we said yes and and June 9th Sunday-Thursday they will live with us. Weekends they will go with her. Feels like a divorce. Again I just laugh. I love how God works and I love watching Him move when we say yes, and I love even more bragging on Him and how HE sets things in motion. We are so excited to have them come live with us. These past few months we have been able to help her a few times with these kids and they are awesome! They blend well with our kids and I'm really looking forward to the next round of "spinning!" I sit back and laugh. Oh He's just too cool!! Here we go!!

Keep Marching On

Hello. Its been a while. Its been a busy season. yes. wow. Its April!
Last night officially marked the completion of the Foster Care Training piece of applying for Foster Care. Now all that stands in our way of a child in our home, is some finger prints, health assessments, and building of a Murphy bed. Crazy. We are doing this, like really. Haha I think somewhere in my mind I thought during this process, "ok Gods going to stop us and say, ok see…I just wanted you to be faithful and lean in, and this is what I will do now." I have a feeling he was serious that Foster Care is really what he wanted for us….and that scares me. But excites me at the same time. I am excited to watch is plan unfold and watch a little life come into our lives that is broken and hurting and watch HIM restore and repair. Its going to be a beautifully awful process I'm sure of it. The timing of how the Lord orchestrates things blows my little human mind too some. This has been the hardest season to date with my kids, I'm starting another round of Made for More in two weeks, but with real live teens this time, I am on the verge of the project I work for going under, thus leaving me jobless, my husband leaving for Nepal for two weeks, trying not to say no to every cake offer I get in case I do loose my job, and all the while trying to maintain a house that is in order. Spinning, spinning, spinning…..see how I got to April this quick! Shew. I need an older woman to show me how to keep all these plates spinning at the same time. Some days I'm like ok I just need to let this plate fall to the floor and I'll deal with the mess when I have a second. There has to be a way to keep marching on without everything else wobbling out of control. Any suggestions out there?

Keep Saying Yes

Well here we are. Feb. 24th! Foster Care training starts tonight! Something has happened in my heart over these past couple months, and I'm actually not dreading this training! Dare I say I'm actually kind of "excited" shhh don't tell anyone. ;)
Isn't it funny though, how we can go through something thinking its for someone else, but all the while God is revealing more and more that it was for you? I have lead high school girls through a study called Made for More, and its about learning and discovering what a life lived in His freedom really looks. The more I walk girls through this study the more I'm convinced its for me. Currently I'm walking the Middle School Leaders of my church through this study, and I just love the truths God has revealed. It has drastically changed me….and is still changing me. This past week in group we learned tools to help us combat lies that the enemy tries to trick us with. I love watching the truth that we have the power (Gods word) to combat the lies that the enemy throws at us. If Christ is in us, we are His dwelling place, and we have divine power through him. Then as the night goes on, I see it.
The struggle.
A conversation in ones head could go like this:
"Yes, I have my broken place I currently reside in. I do life here, its messy at times, and it is broken, but I reside here. I operate here. I am comfortable here. I KNOW here.  So you're telling me I have a way out? You're telling me I don't have to live in these chains anymore? (then it hits) That might take some work….That might lead me to some uncomfortable places….I don't like the unknown…..I don't think I want a way out."

Then we read Ephesians 4:22-24msg
"Since then we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything -and I do mean everything - connected with that old way of life has to go. It is rotten through and through. Get rid of it!! And then take on an entirely new way of life - a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside out working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you."

And that is where I apologize to them. :)
After going through this study, we/I/they do not have the excuse of ignorance any more. We don't get the option to stay where we are! We must keep saying yes.
That has become my anthem over the past year or so…"Keep saying yes." Whatever you ask of me Lord, I will just keep saying yes to you. No doubt its going to lead me to some more terrifying places that I've never been. That has proven itself true already! But in all of this life, as I've been walking with Him; He has never. Not once. Ever. failed me. He has never left me. He has never said "Janna, jump off this huge cliff I will catch you" then ran away as I was jumping so I fall flat on my face. He is there. He is with me. And I TRUST him.
This is the new place my heart is in toward Foster Care. Once just putting one foot in front of the other but slightly still dragging it, hoping He was really wasn't asking this of us. To a place of freedom. Another area where I'm standing on that cliff looking down at the unbelievably high canyon below me and he says, "Jump I will catch you."
Each time I say yes, and each time I jump, I trust Him so much more.
Funny how that works.

Gone and Done It

Well...we did it. We really as my Southern friends would say "gone and done it." We filled out the Foster Care application and we are starting our six weeks of training on Feb. 24th.
I have several things paralleling when this training should take place, so it is going to be so awesome watching The Lord sustain me and help get me through all of it, because as of now, in my strength, I'm starting to schedule my massages due to the stress! Ha!
Shew what a ride, never in my life did I imagine this is what my life would be like, living on the edge of that cliff constantly being encouraged and asked to take jumps off the high peaks, trusting and knowing that The Lord is there to be my parachute.....over and over...and over...and over He asks me to jump, and yet....I still am terrified of jumping. I wonder if it will get easier at some point?
But for now.....here we goooooooooo!
:)

Don't forget the "so that"....

As many of you know, those of you who know me in real life that is, know that we are in the middle of a winter...storm? Well its not really a storm its a winter chill, how about that. The temps have been around 3º and below zero with the wind chill. Very cold to say the least.
Well one of my good buddies had the idea to open up our church to the community around our city that currently don't have a home. You see the Salvation Army offers a place to stay, but they were at capacity with 80 beds filled, and the Daily Bread, another shelter here in town, was also to capacity. So he had the idea to open up our church to them so they could have a warm place to stay until the weather warmed back up a little.
What an idea! A simple one, but one that kind of hit me upside the head...well duh...why wouldn't we do that??? Then just like that the people jumped in head first...planning, coordinating, pitching in! Local restaurants have been so willing to help pitch in with food that we had to stop the food from coming because there is so much! WOW! Praise God! It has been beautiful watching this, very tangible way of being Jesus' hands and feet, come alive in people! So many people have come to help and just be with them and welcome them into our "home" the church. It has filled my heart with so much awe and wonder I could float for days.
There was more news of an old folks home water line breaking and there were about 60 elderly folks needing a place to stay as well! So blue ridge did it again and opened up their doors to them as well! So now there are two different groups of guests staying at the church building and from what I heard there were so many people pitching in to help accommodate everyone...even the guests!! Now THAT is cool!! The news has traveled quickly around the city of what has been happening and news stations have come out to interview, people around town are talking about it, and as I hear all the chatter of what is happening...I stop and think.....in the hustle and bustle and the planning and the prepping, I hope we haven't forgotten the "so that" in all of this. So that.....they may know Him....I trust the community of believers that I'm a part of and have no doubt that the "so that" is there and fully being talked about, but it just made me wonder about other situation we/I find myself in at times....do I forget the "so that?" Quite honestly....I think I do at times. I don't want to forget the so that, I want that to be my first, last and middle thought of each situation that I find myself in. I'm so thankful for times like this when I can stop and get a gentle reminders like this one.....Don't forget the "so that."