WOW! Its the last day of April! Which means July is only 2 months away! haha this just cracks me up that we are going to have a baby in two months, and we just found out 2 months ago! So wild.
I went back & updated Jeremy & Is anniversary journal that my parents bought for us, for our wedding. It was amazing to read back to last year & just hear where we were with kids & how God was just starting to move in us towards adopting. It was on Oct. 9, 2009 that God united our hearts toward children...and according to the Dr. I got pregnant on Oct. 12th! God is so funny! All he wanted was total surrender on both our parts, and He would do the rest. This story never gets old to me & I am in awe every time I think about it.
The basement is moving right along, the walls are up & framed! Pat is coming back on Tuesday to put up the dry wall & get it to the point of our 1st inspection. Then Pat will come back & do the finishing touches & the inspector will come back & give us our certificate of occupancy & we will be able to move move the TV room downstairs! Its going to be so great & give us so much more room! I'm SO excited!
Also this week! We found a NANNY!! This was a huge relief for me! We have a girl we know from Blue Ridge (our church) that is a college student & she is going to fill in the days that we need her. She is so great & I trust her completely! I feel so relieved! It will make going back to work a little easier for sure. She is also going to watch Jeremiah & Jayla Bruce (Andy's kids) for 8 hours a week, to help give her some more money. So that is one more thing down! Moving right along!
Today I have a Doctors appointment, I think this is the one time in my life that I'm excited to go to a doctor! :)
Also this weekend we are going to go pick out the paint for Ella's room so we can get painting. Then we will purchase the furniture! i can't wait to get the room done, just sit in there, relax & await our baby! ♥
Its been so fun to watch Jeremy with our friends little girls! Ashlynn is Megan's daughter, she is 2 1/2 & he just loves her & plays with her. Yesterday we watched Ashlynn & he was carrying her around the mall (because she didn't want to walk haha), and then they were holding hands...ugh...my heart was melting! He is not the same man! God has completely changed him from the inside out! Love being apart of this process & seeing him change! ♥
Friday, April 30, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Child Education Classes
So its been set! We are starting our child education classes a week from tonight! We are going with our friend Amanda who specializes in these classes. She will come to our house & meet with us, and for the final class she will take us on a tour of the hospital! I feel really good about this, and am excited to feel a bit more educated on the whole process! I think it will be great for Jeremy & I.
We also got a quote back to finish our basement, and it was below what we had priced that we could spend! So we are starting on the construction tomorrow! I am so excited! SO the basement will be done! We will move the TV downstairs & it will give Ella & all the kids that visit us a play area! its going to be great!
Here are some pictures from Erica's wedding this weekend, for your viewing pleasure!
Hope all is well with everyone! ♥
We also got a quote back to finish our basement, and it was below what we had priced that we could spend! So we are starting on the construction tomorrow! I am so excited! SO the basement will be done! We will move the TV downstairs & it will give Ella & all the kids that visit us a play area! its going to be great!
Here are some pictures from Erica's wedding this weekend, for your viewing pleasure!
Hope all is well with everyone! ♥
Monday, April 26, 2010
April 26th
Happy Anniversary Jeremy!! ♥ ♥
Today seven years ago I made the best decision I've ever made! Marrying my best friend! I can honestly say it just keeps getting better! So thankful for that!
Today is also the start of week #30 for little Miss Ella! She will be here before we know it! I have been a little nervous about just nothing really feeling like its getting done...when it really is...it just takes time to prepare & get things ready....so I've been a tad nervous. I think for me the biggest thing is getting the room done. Once we get that done, I think I will feel so much more relaxed! Jeremy says we can get it done in a weekend for sure, so I am glad about that! He seems to be the calm one in this situation! Quite a change from the man who never wanted children! God has changed him so much...its been amazing to watch! ♥
Jeremy is also one tricky boy! We went to Chicago this past week because I was in a wedding & he was officiating it. I left on Wednesday morning, and he didn't fly out until Thursday...well when we got home last night, I walked in to our (Ella's) brand new Chicco travel system!!! It has the car seat, base, and stroller! Its so pretty!! I love it! He is so good at surprises!! ♥
So that is one less thing to do! It was a huge sigh of relief to see that, at least we can get Ella home when we need to!! :)
Hope all is well with everyone & here is to week 30!!! Ten (or so) more weeks to go!!! ♥
Today seven years ago I made the best decision I've ever made! Marrying my best friend! I can honestly say it just keeps getting better! So thankful for that!
Today is also the start of week #30 for little Miss Ella! She will be here before we know it! I have been a little nervous about just nothing really feeling like its getting done...when it really is...it just takes time to prepare & get things ready....so I've been a tad nervous. I think for me the biggest thing is getting the room done. Once we get that done, I think I will feel so much more relaxed! Jeremy says we can get it done in a weekend for sure, so I am glad about that! He seems to be the calm one in this situation! Quite a change from the man who never wanted children! God has changed him so much...its been amazing to watch! ♥
Jeremy is also one tricky boy! We went to Chicago this past week because I was in a wedding & he was officiating it. I left on Wednesday morning, and he didn't fly out until Thursday...well when we got home last night, I walked in to our (Ella's) brand new Chicco travel system!!! It has the car seat, base, and stroller! Its so pretty!! I love it! He is so good at surprises!! ♥
So that is one less thing to do! It was a huge sigh of relief to see that, at least we can get Ella home when we need to!! :)
Hope all is well with everyone & here is to week 30!!! Ten (or so) more weeks to go!!! ♥
Monday, April 19, 2010
Week 29
Well we are on week 29! After my appointment on April 30th, we will start the weekly appointments! This is so crazy how fast all of this has gone! Ella is growing...my belly is now an inch bigger than it was...so that is a good sign. We are going to start our child birth classes when we get back from Chicago...and the decorations for the room came in, now all we have to do is go pick out the paint & we should be ready to start! I can't WAIT to get her room all finished! I will feel so much more relaxed & "ready" when that is done!
But other than that...all is well. Jeremy is good & excited to meet our sweet baby too! Ella kicks when he talks!! Its so fun to watch! Ella was kicking & I told him to look at my stomach & he saw my tummy move! :) It was great!!
Its hard to believe you can love something you've never met before....but I sure do! I can't wait to meet her & snuggle the sweet baby!! :)
Here is picture at 29 weeks...
And here is what I looked like the first day I found out!! (Sorry for the bare belly! grosses some people out, I know!)
_______________________________
Your pregnancy: 29 weeks
Your baby now weighs about 2 1/2 pounds (like a butternut squash) and is a tad over 15 inches long from head to heel. His muscles and lungs are continuing to mature, and his head is growing bigger to make room for his developing brain. To meet his increasing nutritional demands, you'll need plenty of protein, vitamins C, folic acid, and iron. And because his bones are soaking up lots of calcium, be sure to drink your milk (or find another good source of calcium, such as cheese, yogurt, or enriched orange juice). This trimester, about 250 milligrams of calcium are deposited in your baby's hardening skeleton each day.
How your life's changing:
Your baby's very active now. Your practitioner may ask you to spend some time each day counting kicks and will give you specific instructions on how to do this. Let her know if you ever notice a decrease in activity. You may need a non stress test or biophysical profile to check on your baby's condition.
Some old friends — heartburn and constipation — may take center stage now. The pregnancy hormone progesterone relaxes smooth muscle tissue throughout your body, including your gastrointestinal tract. This relaxation, coupled with the crowding in your abdomen, slows digestion, which in turn can cause gas and heartburn — especially after a big meal — and contribute to constipation as well.
Your growing uterus may also be contributing to hemorrhoids. These swollen blood vessels in your rectal area are common during pregnancy and usually clear up in the weeks after giving birth. If they're itchy or painful, try soaking in a sitz bath or applying cold compresses medicated with witch hazel to the affected area. Also avoid sitting or standing for long stretches. Talk with your practitioner before using any over-the counter remedies during pregnancy, and let her know if you have any rectal bleeding. To prevent constipation, eat a high-fiber diet, drink plenty of water, and get some regular exercise.
Some women get something called "supine hypotensive syndrome" during pregnancy, where laying flat on your back causes a change in heart rate and blood pressure that makes you feel dizzy until you change position. You might note that you feel lightheaded if you stand up too quickly, too. To avoid "the spins" lie on your side rather than your back, and move slowly as you go from lying down to sitting and then standing.
But other than that...all is well. Jeremy is good & excited to meet our sweet baby too! Ella kicks when he talks!! Its so fun to watch! Ella was kicking & I told him to look at my stomach & he saw my tummy move! :) It was great!!
Its hard to believe you can love something you've never met before....but I sure do! I can't wait to meet her & snuggle the sweet baby!! :)
Here is picture at 29 weeks...
And here is what I looked like the first day I found out!! (Sorry for the bare belly! grosses some people out, I know!)
_______________________________
Your pregnancy: 29 weeks
Your baby now weighs about 2 1/2 pounds (like a butternut squash) and is a tad over 15 inches long from head to heel. His muscles and lungs are continuing to mature, and his head is growing bigger to make room for his developing brain. To meet his increasing nutritional demands, you'll need plenty of protein, vitamins C, folic acid, and iron. And because his bones are soaking up lots of calcium, be sure to drink your milk (or find another good source of calcium, such as cheese, yogurt, or enriched orange juice). This trimester, about 250 milligrams of calcium are deposited in your baby's hardening skeleton each day.
How your life's changing:
Your baby's very active now. Your practitioner may ask you to spend some time each day counting kicks and will give you specific instructions on how to do this. Let her know if you ever notice a decrease in activity. You may need a non stress test or biophysical profile to check on your baby's condition.
Some old friends — heartburn and constipation — may take center stage now. The pregnancy hormone progesterone relaxes smooth muscle tissue throughout your body, including your gastrointestinal tract. This relaxation, coupled with the crowding in your abdomen, slows digestion, which in turn can cause gas and heartburn — especially after a big meal — and contribute to constipation as well.
Your growing uterus may also be contributing to hemorrhoids. These swollen blood vessels in your rectal area are common during pregnancy and usually clear up in the weeks after giving birth. If they're itchy or painful, try soaking in a sitz bath or applying cold compresses medicated with witch hazel to the affected area. Also avoid sitting or standing for long stretches. Talk with your practitioner before using any over-the counter remedies during pregnancy, and let her know if you have any rectal bleeding. To prevent constipation, eat a high-fiber diet, drink plenty of water, and get some regular exercise.
Some women get something called "supine hypotensive syndrome" during pregnancy, where laying flat on your back causes a change in heart rate and blood pressure that makes you feel dizzy until you change position. You might note that you feel lightheaded if you stand up too quickly, too. To avoid "the spins" lie on your side rather than your back, and move slowly as you go from lying down to sitting and then standing.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
New Camera
My cutie husband bought us a new video camera / digital camera so we don't miss any moments with Ella. :) He's so cute! ♥
So we went out last night & he took some pictures of me.
So then this morning I saw that he posted this on Twitter today:
My pretty pregnant wife!
He's so sweet! I am so glad I get to do this life with this man! ♥
So we went out last night & he took some pictures of me.
So then this morning I saw that he posted this on Twitter today:
My pretty pregnant wife!
He's so sweet! I am so glad I get to do this life with this man! ♥
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Appointment with Doc
Well today, at 28 weeks & 2 days...I finally saw the Doctor for the very first time! Third trimester....and just now seeing the doctor! haha WHO does this happen to?? Wow....ditsy me, apparently! :)
But she said she was very impressed that Ella & I were doing so well, she said we are very healthy, and to change nothing. She said keep working out, don't change how you're eating, you are doing wonderful! So yay! that was great to hear! She said she would like me to gain another 10lbs before I deliver...to this point I've only gained 10 pounds...so that is good.
I had to get my glucose test done today, and I was at 90...whatever that means, they said it was good though. The nurse said anything over 130 is a danger zone, so I'm glad for that.
Our homework assignment was to find birthing classes and sign up for those, they will give us a tour of the hospital & everything, so that will be helpful. So we have to do that this week.
So all is well & the next appointment is on April 30th. I am on 2 week appointments until 36 weeks along, and then they go to every week appointments.
In other news, there has been some shouts you could say from people who want to see my baby bump....so by popular demand I'll post some on here. I am also including some pictures of the gifts that Ella has recieved from friends & family so far.
(This is such a blast & I am having so much fun getting to experience all this!! We are so grateful to everyone for all their love, encouragment & support!)
We love you all!
(Me just messing around) :) (28 weeks)
(My Sister-in-law, Jessica sent me a 30lb box of maternity clothes!!! SO grateful!)
The outfits are, Mommy & Daddy's first outfits to Ella, Outfits from my Parents, and then the 3rd set is from Luke & Steph....and yes those ARE Converse socks!! hahha LOVE THEM! ♥
But she said she was very impressed that Ella & I were doing so well, she said we are very healthy, and to change nothing. She said keep working out, don't change how you're eating, you are doing wonderful! So yay! that was great to hear! She said she would like me to gain another 10lbs before I deliver...to this point I've only gained 10 pounds...so that is good.
I had to get my glucose test done today, and I was at 90...whatever that means, they said it was good though. The nurse said anything over 130 is a danger zone, so I'm glad for that.
Our homework assignment was to find birthing classes and sign up for those, they will give us a tour of the hospital & everything, so that will be helpful. So we have to do that this week.
So all is well & the next appointment is on April 30th. I am on 2 week appointments until 36 weeks along, and then they go to every week appointments.
In other news, there has been some shouts you could say from people who want to see my baby bump....so by popular demand I'll post some on here. I am also including some pictures of the gifts that Ella has recieved from friends & family so far.
(This is such a blast & I am having so much fun getting to experience all this!! We are so grateful to everyone for all their love, encouragment & support!)
We love you all!
(Me just messing around) :) (28 weeks)
(My Sister-in-law, Jessica sent me a 30lb box of maternity clothes!!! SO grateful!)
The outfits are, Mommy & Daddy's first outfits to Ella, Outfits from my Parents, and then the 3rd set is from Luke & Steph....and yes those ARE Converse socks!! hahha LOVE THEM! ♥
Monday, April 12, 2010
Welcome to the 3rd Trimester!!!
Your pregnancy: 28 weeks
By this week, your baby weighs two and a quarter pounds (like a Chinese cabbage) and measures 14.8 inches from the top of her head to her heels. She can blink her eyes, which now sport lashes. With her eyesight developing, she may be able to see the light that filters in through your womb. She's also developing billions of neurons in her brain and adding more body fat in preparation for life in the outside world.
Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.
How your life's changing:
You're in the home stretch! The third and final trimester starts this week. If you're like most women, you'll gain about 11 pounds this trimester.
At this point, you'll likely visit your doctor or midwife every two weeks. Then, at 36 weeks, you'll switch to weekly visits. Depending on your risk factors, your practitioner may recommend repeating blood tests for HIV and syphilis now, as well as doing cultures for chlamydia and gonorrhea, to be certain of your status before delivery. Also, if your glucose screening test result was high and you haven't yet had follow-up testing, you'll soon be given the 3-hour glucose tolerance test. And if the blood work done at your first prenatal visit showed that you're Rh negative, you'll get an injection of Rh immunoglobulin to prevent your body from developing antibodies that could attack your baby's blood. (If your baby is Rh positive, you'll receive another shot of Rh immunoglobulin after you give birth.)
Around this time, some women feel an unpleasant "creepy-crawly" sensation in their lower legs and an irresistible urge to move them while trying to relax or sleep. If this sensation is at least temporarily relieved when you move, you may have what's known as restless legs syndrome (RLS). No one knows for sure what causes RLS, but it's relatively common among expectant mothers. Try stretching or massaging your legs, and cut down on caffeine, which can make the symptoms worse. Ask your caregiver if you should try iron supplements, which can sometimes relieve RLS.
By this week, your baby weighs two and a quarter pounds (like a Chinese cabbage) and measures 14.8 inches from the top of her head to her heels. She can blink her eyes, which now sport lashes. With her eyesight developing, she may be able to see the light that filters in through your womb. She's also developing billions of neurons in her brain and adding more body fat in preparation for life in the outside world.
Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.
How your life's changing:
You're in the home stretch! The third and final trimester starts this week. If you're like most women, you'll gain about 11 pounds this trimester.
At this point, you'll likely visit your doctor or midwife every two weeks. Then, at 36 weeks, you'll switch to weekly visits. Depending on your risk factors, your practitioner may recommend repeating blood tests for HIV and syphilis now, as well as doing cultures for chlamydia and gonorrhea, to be certain of your status before delivery. Also, if your glucose screening test result was high and you haven't yet had follow-up testing, you'll soon be given the 3-hour glucose tolerance test. And if the blood work done at your first prenatal visit showed that you're Rh negative, you'll get an injection of Rh immunoglobulin to prevent your body from developing antibodies that could attack your baby's blood. (If your baby is Rh positive, you'll receive another shot of Rh immunoglobulin after you give birth.)
Around this time, some women feel an unpleasant "creepy-crawly" sensation in their lower legs and an irresistible urge to move them while trying to relax or sleep. If this sensation is at least temporarily relieved when you move, you may have what's known as restless legs syndrome (RLS). No one knows for sure what causes RLS, but it's relatively common among expectant mothers. Try stretching or massaging your legs, and cut down on caffeine, which can make the symptoms worse. Ask your caregiver if you should try iron supplements, which can sometimes relieve RLS.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Middle Name
So tonight we officially decided on a middle name. This name has been so close to my heart since Jeremy & I decided to adopt. The meaning is amazing & I know this is the perfect name for our sweet Ella.
We decided to name her:
Ella Jaydan Wilkinson
the meaning of her name is two fold. First Jeremy's Dads name is Jay; and my Dads name is Dan. So that is where the spelling of Jaydan comes from. The meaning of the name "Jayden" is: "Jehovah has heard."
Knowing our story & walking this journey with us, you can see that CLEARLY, Jehovah has heard us. Even in my deepest darkest struggles with the child situation, Jehovah still heard those cries too. This name is so special & dear to my heart. I am so grateful for this little life inside me & can't wait to tell her of how the Lord, Jehovah has heard!
We decided to name her:
Ella Jaydan Wilkinson
the meaning of her name is two fold. First Jeremy's Dads name is Jay; and my Dads name is Dan. So that is where the spelling of Jaydan comes from. The meaning of the name "Jayden" is: "Jehovah has heard."
Knowing our story & walking this journey with us, you can see that CLEARLY, Jehovah has heard us. Even in my deepest darkest struggles with the child situation, Jehovah still heard those cries too. This name is so special & dear to my heart. I am so grateful for this little life inside me & can't wait to tell her of how the Lord, Jehovah has heard!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Ultrasound Pictures
Totally spaced to put Ella's ultrasound pictures up here for everyone to see!
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That one is a picture of her side profile.
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Close up of her sweet head. ♥
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This one us looking up from her chin...it shows the lip & looking up at the nose. This is how they tell if she has clef pallet. She does not.
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Then this one is how they clearly determined it was a girl! :)
These were Ella's very first pictures, and I'm 100% confident, not the last! ♥
.jpg)
That one is a picture of her side profile.
.jpg)
Close up of her sweet head. ♥
.jpg)
This one us looking up from her chin...it shows the lip & looking up at the nose. This is how they tell if she has clef pallet. She does not.
.jpg)
Then this one is how they clearly determined it was a girl! :)
These were Ella's very first pictures, and I'm 100% confident, not the last! ♥
Love Tank
Jeremy has totally filled my love tank yet again!
He is so cute looking & researching stuff for Ella & stuff for her room!! Here is his latest!!
♥ LOVE IT! ♥
He is so cute looking & researching stuff for Ella & stuff for her room!! Here is his latest!!
♥ LOVE IT! ♥
Mountain Tops
Today my study time with Beth Moore was on the passage Luke 9:28-36.
One of her questions was:
At what points and places in your life has He made His glory known to you...in ways that were indescribably real & unforgettable?
This made me laugh! All I could answer with was, "Read my blog for the past three years!" Ha! Undeniably God. She was also saying how God often chooses to reveal His glory on the top of a mountain. She continues to say Jesus regularly seeks to readjust our vision of Him, the more we are willing to received the more He is willing to reveal to us. She said the reason Jesus took Peter, James, & John to the mountain top was because they were willing to receive a greater revelation. Matt 13:12
"How blessed we are when we want to see Him! How blessed we are when we begin to make our chief cry to him "Lord I want to know you! I want to know the reality of you! I want to know who you really are. Shatter my present perspective & show me the reality of you." -Beth Moore.
I loved this mornings time with Him. I can't help but think back to the very beginning of all this & see what He really was doing. He was hiking me up a mountain top...for this moment that I am able to see His glory revealed! He brought me through the depths & the hard climbs & the twists & the turns so at the top I could see His true glory in an indescribably real & unforgettable way!
Not to say that this is it for me & that "I've arrived" or that I have it all together, or that this was this "super easy" ride & I've been coasting this whole time. No I've literally been drug through the mud & the muck! Its been so hard, lots of anger, tears, and losing all of me.....but this for sure is a mountain top! And I'm seeing Him & His scarlet thread all throughout these past years.
He blows me away.
I'm truly in awe.
I re-read my very 1st blog on May 8, 2007 just to remember where I was when all this started....and still to this day, this Jeremy Riddle song is my heart. He is constantly drawing me to my knees! And I'm more in love with Him & trust him more than I ever thought I would! ♥
_______________________________________
May 8, 2007
Wholly surrendered is a phrase I heard in a song....by Jeremy Riddle. The lyrics actually changed my life....completely.
Let me share them with you:
Jeremy Riddle - Sweetly Broken
To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing
For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just
Chorus:
At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered
What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified
You’ve called me out of death
You’ve called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I’m reconciled
Chorus:
In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness
I wouldn't say I have always been here....in this 'sweetly broken' state. Nor have I ever imagined I'd be content in a 'sweetly broken' state.....I mean really...when you think of 'sweetly broken'??? it just doesn't make sense, you know? I know in my own life, when something is 'broken' its not usable, it broke, you don't want it...and there is surly nothing 'sweet' about it.
This song has grown to be a lesson I've been learning for the past 2 years. A life change I've tried to live. A new way to do this thing, to remain in a state of brokenness, and becoming wholly surrendered, is not an easy thing. And I'm not saying I've arrived, because Lord knows, this life is still as rough as the rock needing to be chipped away!
But to the cross I look, and to the cross I cling has been my aim. The Lord has brought me to my knees these last two years, in what has seemed like every area of this little life I lead. I have been shook to the core, wounds have been torn wide open, a paradigm has shifted, once what I thought was gain, really is now a loss, a heart has been crushed, friends have come and gone, loss of family, a heart changing from the inside out, values being challenged, faith tested, loyalty tested, one thing after another tested and broken.
As I look back, I realize, I was being drawn to my knees, which left me at a loss for words, and so lost in love, sweetly broken, and wholly surrendered.
To truly understand those words, to drink them in, and let them pour into your heart and soul, to hang on every word as if it were straight from your heart, and to grasp the true meaning of them, one could not relate if having not been there, and gone through it, or is going through it.
That is where I feel like I am at right now, and have been for quite some time. I feel like its been a place of brokenness, surrender, dying to self, renewing, refreshing, challenging, hurting......loosing it all for the sake of Christ.
So why this blog? Why post these things? Well for an outlet, I'd say. And for some once of hope that my musings and daily struggles and life written down, would be used to encourage or push some one toward the light. And may your life become one that is sweetly broken and wholly surrendered.
Until the next time.....
One of her questions was:
At what points and places in your life has He made His glory known to you...in ways that were indescribably real & unforgettable?
This made me laugh! All I could answer with was, "Read my blog for the past three years!" Ha! Undeniably God. She was also saying how God often chooses to reveal His glory on the top of a mountain. She continues to say Jesus regularly seeks to readjust our vision of Him, the more we are willing to received the more He is willing to reveal to us. She said the reason Jesus took Peter, James, & John to the mountain top was because they were willing to receive a greater revelation. Matt 13:12
"How blessed we are when we want to see Him! How blessed we are when we begin to make our chief cry to him "Lord I want to know you! I want to know the reality of you! I want to know who you really are. Shatter my present perspective & show me the reality of you." -Beth Moore.
I loved this mornings time with Him. I can't help but think back to the very beginning of all this & see what He really was doing. He was hiking me up a mountain top...for this moment that I am able to see His glory revealed! He brought me through the depths & the hard climbs & the twists & the turns so at the top I could see His true glory in an indescribably real & unforgettable way!
Not to say that this is it for me & that "I've arrived" or that I have it all together, or that this was this "super easy" ride & I've been coasting this whole time. No I've literally been drug through the mud & the muck! Its been so hard, lots of anger, tears, and losing all of me.....but this for sure is a mountain top! And I'm seeing Him & His scarlet thread all throughout these past years.
He blows me away.
I'm truly in awe.
I re-read my very 1st blog on May 8, 2007 just to remember where I was when all this started....and still to this day, this Jeremy Riddle song is my heart. He is constantly drawing me to my knees! And I'm more in love with Him & trust him more than I ever thought I would! ♥
_______________________________________
May 8, 2007
Wholly surrendered is a phrase I heard in a song....by Jeremy Riddle. The lyrics actually changed my life....completely.
Let me share them with you:
Jeremy Riddle - Sweetly Broken
To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing
For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just
Chorus:
At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered
What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified
You’ve called me out of death
You’ve called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I’m reconciled
Chorus:
In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness
I wouldn't say I have always been here....in this 'sweetly broken' state. Nor have I ever imagined I'd be content in a 'sweetly broken' state.....I mean really...when you think of 'sweetly broken'??? it just doesn't make sense, you know? I know in my own life, when something is 'broken' its not usable, it broke, you don't want it...and there is surly nothing 'sweet' about it.
This song has grown to be a lesson I've been learning for the past 2 years. A life change I've tried to live. A new way to do this thing, to remain in a state of brokenness, and becoming wholly surrendered, is not an easy thing. And I'm not saying I've arrived, because Lord knows, this life is still as rough as the rock needing to be chipped away!
But to the cross I look, and to the cross I cling has been my aim. The Lord has brought me to my knees these last two years, in what has seemed like every area of this little life I lead. I have been shook to the core, wounds have been torn wide open, a paradigm has shifted, once what I thought was gain, really is now a loss, a heart has been crushed, friends have come and gone, loss of family, a heart changing from the inside out, values being challenged, faith tested, loyalty tested, one thing after another tested and broken.
As I look back, I realize, I was being drawn to my knees, which left me at a loss for words, and so lost in love, sweetly broken, and wholly surrendered.
To truly understand those words, to drink them in, and let them pour into your heart and soul, to hang on every word as if it were straight from your heart, and to grasp the true meaning of them, one could not relate if having not been there, and gone through it, or is going through it.
That is where I feel like I am at right now, and have been for quite some time. I feel like its been a place of brokenness, surrender, dying to self, renewing, refreshing, challenging, hurting......loosing it all for the sake of Christ.
So why this blog? Why post these things? Well for an outlet, I'd say. And for some once of hope that my musings and daily struggles and life written down, would be used to encourage or push some one toward the light. And may your life become one that is sweetly broken and wholly surrendered.
Until the next time.....
Monday, April 5, 2010
Easter Weekend
Whelp! This was a big gigantic weekend for us! That's for sure!!
I think we are still in a state of shock (or at least I am, Jeremy is being so calm about all this!)...but the first thing was....
On Friday April 2nd, we had our very first Dr. appointment & ultrasound! It was quite amazing & I was more emotional than I expected I would be...not sure why that surprises me, I cry at anything! haha
But what we found out is that we are having a sweet bouncy baby.....GIRL!!!! We have decided to name her Ella Wilkinson. We are still working on a middle name.
And....I am 27 weeks along, and I am due July 5th!!!
That was QUITE a shocker! On Feb. 19th when I found out I was pregnant, I went to my regular Dr. to do blood work & what she told me, was that I was around 6-7 weeks....but in reality...I was 21 weeks along at that point!!! Again, shocker!! I had hoped I wasn't that far along because that means the first four months of my pregnancy...I was giving her nothing that she needed...well except trying to eat healthy & exercise. I guess that speaks for something! But no prenatal vitamins, no nothing. :( So that was a bummer for me, but Ella was doing great they said! So yay!
The Dr. is in high gear now with us, I have an appointment on Wednesday, and then another one next Tuesday...since I'm so far along they had to get me in quick.
But I can't help but point this little one & this whole situation back to GOD! He did this...its so unreal to me just how he set everything up.
If you have time got back to my October posts where this whole thing started....then keep in mind...October 12th was when I conceived according to the Doctor....which was the Monday we got HOME FROM CATALYST!!
I can't take it. I'm confused, and excited, and emotional, and I just don't know what He is thinking/doing....well He obviously had a plan for our hearts to be aligned then He opened up my womb to give life to this sweet baby.
So you can't deny it.
Its all God.
I don't know how this could have been planned or timed any differently. And I don't know how anyone doubts there is a God. You can't manufacture this stuff. You just can't.
I'm in a daze.
So we announced everything Friday afternoon. Again we have the most loving supportive family/friends ever, pretty much. I'm convinced. :)
Everyone is so in this with us supporting & loving us 100% of the way. Its amazing.
So then Saturday Jer & I went to Toys R Us to start the registration process...that was fun! It was good for us to go out with an end in sight & a color in mind. :)
I think we will register at Target too, but I have to go back to do that another day. It was very tiring. :)
Then Sunday was Easter, and it could not have been a more perfect day. We had 3 services at Blue Ridge & they were great! Then Jer & I had Easter dinner at our house, it was really nice to have a few people over & just relax & sit on the deck. And the weather was absolutely perfect.
It was the perfect ending to a perfect weekend. ♥
I think we are still in a state of shock (or at least I am, Jeremy is being so calm about all this!)...but the first thing was....
On Friday April 2nd, we had our very first Dr. appointment & ultrasound! It was quite amazing & I was more emotional than I expected I would be...not sure why that surprises me, I cry at anything! haha
But what we found out is that we are having a sweet bouncy baby.....GIRL!!!! We have decided to name her Ella Wilkinson. We are still working on a middle name.
And....I am 27 weeks along, and I am due July 5th!!!
That was QUITE a shocker! On Feb. 19th when I found out I was pregnant, I went to my regular Dr. to do blood work & what she told me, was that I was around 6-7 weeks....but in reality...I was 21 weeks along at that point!!! Again, shocker!! I had hoped I wasn't that far along because that means the first four months of my pregnancy...I was giving her nothing that she needed...well except trying to eat healthy & exercise. I guess that speaks for something! But no prenatal vitamins, no nothing. :( So that was a bummer for me, but Ella was doing great they said! So yay!
The Dr. is in high gear now with us, I have an appointment on Wednesday, and then another one next Tuesday...since I'm so far along they had to get me in quick.
But I can't help but point this little one & this whole situation back to GOD! He did this...its so unreal to me just how he set everything up.
If you have time got back to my October posts where this whole thing started....then keep in mind...October 12th was when I conceived according to the Doctor....which was the Monday we got HOME FROM CATALYST!!
I can't take it. I'm confused, and excited, and emotional, and I just don't know what He is thinking/doing....well He obviously had a plan for our hearts to be aligned then He opened up my womb to give life to this sweet baby.
So you can't deny it.
Its all God.
I don't know how this could have been planned or timed any differently. And I don't know how anyone doubts there is a God. You can't manufacture this stuff. You just can't.
I'm in a daze.
So we announced everything Friday afternoon. Again we have the most loving supportive family/friends ever, pretty much. I'm convinced. :)
Everyone is so in this with us supporting & loving us 100% of the way. Its amazing.
So then Saturday Jer & I went to Toys R Us to start the registration process...that was fun! It was good for us to go out with an end in sight & a color in mind. :)
I think we will register at Target too, but I have to go back to do that another day. It was very tiring. :)
Then Sunday was Easter, and it could not have been a more perfect day. We had 3 services at Blue Ridge & they were great! Then Jer & I had Easter dinner at our house, it was really nice to have a few people over & just relax & sit on the deck. And the weather was absolutely perfect.
It was the perfect ending to a perfect weekend. ♥
Thursday, April 1, 2010
April Fools Day
Well in the spirit of April Fools Day I had to pull a prank! I just had to!!!
I announced on twitter that the Dr. had called & they had a cancellation & that I was heading to the Doctor today to finally meet the baby!!!
Well as you can imagine people were so excited & ready to hear the news. (I love our friends they are the sweetest most caring people). Well then about an hour later I tweeted....that we were having twins & I was due at the end of September...slowly people started to catch on & remember that it was April Fools....I was able to fool a few for a little bit...but I didn't keep them waiting too long. I told them that it was just an APRIL FOOLS DAY JOKE & that my appointment is still on for Friday April 2, at 10:30a.m.
Hahha ahhh that was fun! :)
You know I had to! I may never be pregnant on April Fool's day again! :)
But we have finally made it! In 24 hours we will be heading to the long awaited Dr. appointment to meet this sweet baby & find out when he/she will come & greet us! :) I'm so excited & so more than ready to finally have some clarity to all this!!! I feel so blessed & am truly SO excited & honored to get to carry this baby! Its been a blast so far!
....Now watch...just to serve me right...I really WILL be having twins!! YIKES!!! haha I guess we'll find out tomorrow!!! ♥ ♥
I announced on twitter that the Dr. had called & they had a cancellation & that I was heading to the Doctor today to finally meet the baby!!!
Well as you can imagine people were so excited & ready to hear the news. (I love our friends they are the sweetest most caring people). Well then about an hour later I tweeted....that we were having twins & I was due at the end of September...slowly people started to catch on & remember that it was April Fools....I was able to fool a few for a little bit...but I didn't keep them waiting too long. I told them that it was just an APRIL FOOLS DAY JOKE & that my appointment is still on for Friday April 2, at 10:30a.m.
Hahha ahhh that was fun! :)
You know I had to! I may never be pregnant on April Fool's day again! :)
But we have finally made it! In 24 hours we will be heading to the long awaited Dr. appointment to meet this sweet baby & find out when he/she will come & greet us! :) I'm so excited & so more than ready to finally have some clarity to all this!!! I feel so blessed & am truly SO excited & honored to get to carry this baby! Its been a blast so far!
....Now watch...just to serve me right...I really WILL be having twins!! YIKES!!! haha I guess we'll find out tomorrow!!! ♥ ♥
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